Young Writers Society

ACT 3

INT. OFFICE BUILDING - ELEVATOR - DAY

Ted and Kim are standing on opposite sides of the elevator. Ted sidles closer to Kim.

TED:
Hmmm? So what’s he about?

KIM:
I’m the one who needs to know, right?

TED:
It’d make my job easier if I knew. Also, I just wanna know.

KIM:
Tough shit.

TED:
Damn. No more free information for you.

He gets even closer. Kim moves away.

TED:
Don’t be like this.

He moves closer. Kim moves away again.

TED:
Come on-

KIM:
Just tell me what I have to do already!

TED:
Just face him. I’ll take care of the rest.

The elevator bell dings and the doors slide open.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING - OFFICE - DAY

Ted pushes open the door and holds it with mock gallantry as Kim passes through, glaring at him. Inside, a MAN (40s) with lightly grayed hair combed fiercely back, and dressed in a sharp suit, ushers them in.

MAN:
Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Williams. Welcome. I’m Phil Gigolo

TED:
(smirking)
Yes, you are, you magnificent bastard.

Phil blinks for a moment.

PHIL:
I’m sorry?

TED:
(to Kim)
Sorry, Kim-kim. I just figured out what he’s about.
(muttering)
Hard not to.

PHIL:
You’re not Mr. Williams…

TED:
Nope.

PHIL:
I’m sorry, I don’t… Have we met before?

TED:
Not out here, we haven’t.

Realization spreads over Phil’s face.

PHIL:
I see.

A malicious smiles spreads over his face. He looks at Kim.

PHIL:
So you’re -

Ted steps between them.

TED:
Yes, she is. But you can’t have her. Kim, you can step out now, dear.

KIM:
But-

TED:
Kim. Out. Now. This could be messy and I don’t want you fainting some more.

Kim hesitates, then goes to the elevator. As she waits for it, she looks back at the two men. Phil continues to leer at her and Ted wiggles his fingers in a wave. Then she steps into the elevator and is gone.

Instantly, Phil’s whole demeanor changes. He becomes small and cowering beneath Ted’s amused stare.

PHIL:
Come on -

He starts to say a name, but Ted cuts him off.

TED:
I’m “Ted” out here.

Phil looks confused.

PHIL:
“Ted”? But what has that got to do with-

TED:
Absolutely nothing. That’s the point. I mean, Gigolo? Please. I’m doing you a favor by putting you back.

Phil is surprised, then resigned. He straightens, looking straight at Ted.

PHIL:
You’re not going to put me back.

TED:
You’re right. I’m not.

Ted reaches forward and puts his hand on Phil’s chest, with his thumb and forefinger together to form a circle. With his free hand, he pinches the fabric of Phil’s suit within the circle and pulls. In one swift motion, he pulls Phil through his fingers into something resembling a thick rope. He stuffs it into his mouth and swallows the entire length of it. He wipes his mouth on his hand.

TED:
She’s mine.

END OF ACT 3


ACT 4

INT. KIM’S CAR - DAY

Ted walks across the parking lot and gets into Kim’s car. He closes the door and grins at her.

KIM:
Did you get him?

TED:
I’m touched, Kim, I really am. You waited for me when you could have driven away without me.

Kim jumps, not having thought of that. She leans back against her seat and groans.

TED:
Yes, I got him and incidentally, I have a surprise for you.

Kim lifts her head up from the seat to look at him. He puts a hand behind her head and kisses her firmly on the lips. She tries to pull away, but he follows her until he is practically in her seat with her. Finally he ends the kiss and sits back in his own seat with a satisfied smile. Kim, still pressed in the corner of her seat and panting a little, stares at him in shock.

KIM:
What the hell -

TED:
Just putting the scary monster where he belongs.

Kim looks back at the cat, who was staring at her, but the cat just looks away and out the window without a word. She looks back at Ted, who’s still grinning at her.

KIM:
You’re a bastard.

TED:
Hey, I did a big favor for you. I had to eat the sucker. And there’s no way he’s staying in me, so I had to put him back somehow.

Kim stares at him for a long moment, then starts the car and begins to drive, her expression hard. Ted watches her, his cheek resting in his hand as he leans his elbow on the door.

TED:
I know what he was about, you know. I knew him.

He looks for a reaction from her, but she does not respond.

TED:
It wasn’t your fault, you know. Beautiful women have this effect on men -

KIM:
You don’t scare me, Ted. I’m not discussing this with you. Buckle your seatbelt.

Ted looks affronted and stares at her for a moment. Then he blows out his cheeks in exasperation and buckles his seatbelt.

TED:
I don’t know why I even try.

His hand comes to rest on the seat between them and Kim draws her leg away from him. She looks over at him, but he is looking out the window thoughtfully.

KIM:
(rather desperately)
You don’t scare me.

Ted continues to look out the window.

TED:
Don’t kid yourself, sweet cheeks.

CAT:
So what’s next?

Ted grins wickedly as he looks out the window.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT 4

So, I'm back after reading all the other pieces you've got up.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't find the second episode quite as impressive as I did the first. I think a large factor that contributes to this is the lack of characters. In your first chapter, we met a bunch of characters: Kim, Mary, Kyle, Ted as well as the cat. Each of these characters contributed in some way or another to the story. This chapter comes along, and we get one dose of Ted vs. Kim that gets almost tiresome. The same repetitive relationship is visible between these two characters, and I can't help but lose interest to some extent.

Also, Kim's personality itself seems fairly flat. It's composed of very little and the lack of development we see with her progress in dealing with Ted doesn't add to her character's believability.

It also seems quite strange that Ted transforms so quickly from being a remarkably vicious antagonizer to a mere aggravation. This transformation is very hard for me to comprehend. He's suddenly helping her and for no apparent reason. Even if this is merely an act, why does Kim fall for it? Just the previous day, he was slamming her into the wall!

The final question that I have is this: Why are the nightmares of the cat and Ted interested in being reabsorbed? Surely both of them would prefer to be real. In fact I would suggest getting the cat to help her get all the rest back in to her head upon her word that he can stay in the real world. I can't really work out why it is that you chose to make this a journey to get people back into her head, as this stance doesn't really give you much leeway as far as actually developing characters goes.

At any rate, those are the issues I see. I still think that this would be a pretty entertaining show to watch. In my opinion, I'd suggest working on it to develop it somewhat over what you have here, though. You've got a great premise and I therefore think that it has the potential to be even better.

Have a great one!

Hello again!

Still loving this, even more now that its getting more climactic!

But my curiousity is eating at me, what happened with her boss?

Loving Ted, loving the cat, even Bubby though he's not even in this script!

Keep up the awesome work!

-Irish