Young Writers Society

This is just the preview of a upcoming script

Narrator 1 : "Kristen Devone Gomez. When ever you hear that name you hear, That Kristen has a bright future ahead of her; Kristen has an amazing voice; and Kristen will pick the perfect young boy to marry."

Narrator 2 : "Nicholas David Sanchez. When ever you hear THAT name you would hear, Nicholas your extremely lazy; your good for nothing; and no girl would EVER marry you!"

Narractor 3 : "Watch as these two worlds collidee in " Everything Your Not!" Coming soon to a computer screen near you !"

This is really good :]

Lols, so glad you decide to write :]

-Emma xP

I picked this because of a grammar error and I am a grammar nut.

"Everything Your Not" should be "Everything You're Not" Any writing books by E.B. White and William Strunk will help you with this. Because to make your YWS pals happy and your readers clear-headed and focused, correct grammar is a must.

*grammar rant over*

EliZ4B3th seems to see a lot of potential in this. If she's a good friend in real life, kudos to you EliZ for supporting your friend. I personally do not see much potential in this.

First of all, it's unnaturally short. What is this? A character introduction? A prologue? If it is, then tell us. Also, add more so that we get a sense of the actual story. For all I know, it could be a Star Trek and Romeo-Juliet mash-up with lots of weird alien romances going on. If this was an actual script, and this was one scene, I would toss it aside.

Keep in mind here that I'm not trying to be mean or rude. I'm just giving you my perspective with a dose of reality.

First of all, Kristen seems perfect. A beautiful popular singer? Okay, where's her dark side? Where's her past? If a beautiful popular singer is all you have in mind, flesh Kristen out with quirks (examples: a penchant for noir movies and underground electronica music, a disliking to chocolate...) and phobias (examples: spiders, the dark, performing onstage...)

Most of all, give her a goal that makes her collide with the boy, Nicholas. The guy is a computer whiz? Great, have her ask him to help record some singing for a demo. The guy is a mechanic? Have her drag in her broken-down Honda to have him fix.

It's a good start, but I didn't really get anything. You can't get anything from six lines in a script. It's an advertisement, really. Hon, this is a writing website. You wanna advertise your work, go to Facebook and post your adverts in Notes. If you wanna write the actual story and be brave enough to put it on here, be my guest.

Also, you broke a YWS rule. You have to do 2 reviews before you can post anything. Go forth and review, and then you can post your writing.

Welcome to YWS.

I can't wait to read more!!!! It is super interesting!!!! And sounds super funny!!!

Thank you deafwriter_19. I made some changes