Act 5, Scene 1
The scene is set in the classroom. It has been decorated and it is obvious that a party is about to take place. Hippolyta and Theseus enter, holding more decorations which Theseus promptly dumps onto the floor as he enters, and Hippolyta carefully places on what was the teachers desk, which is now pushed to the side of the room.
Theseus: That’s that then! We’re all ready. Here dear, let me help you with that.
He sweeps all of her carefully placed decorations onto the floor, and in one smooth movement sweeps Hippolyta off her feet into his arms. She gives a startled cry, and then sighs at her husband’s resolve.
Hippolyta: Oh Theseus, you just don’t give up do you? Well I guess we are done…
Theseus: Then it’s settled! (He sets Hippolyta down and bows) I am at your command fair maiden.
Hippolyta giggles, the most girlish sound she has made since the beginning of the play, and beckons to Theseus, leading him offstage.
Hippolyta: Right this way my knight.
Flute enters, and looks around the stage, trying to find someone. He addresses the audience.
Flute: Have you seen my parents around here? My dad’s the principal, and my mom’s the secretary. You have no idea how awkward that can be. But have you seen them? No? I’ve got to tell them I’m not going to be at their party. I’m going home. I’m not putting up with more people. Not after all this.
Flute starts to exit, and is almost gone when Oberon enters from the other side. Flute stops and turns around on instinct when he hears that he is being called.
Oberon: Wait!
Flute: (Angry at Oberon’s earlier accusations) Why should I stop! Why should I listen to you! Who made you king of the school to be able to boss all us underlings around! Others might not have a problem but I’m tired of this! I’m standing up! Forget taking your orders, I’m out of here!
Oberon: Wait! What’s your name?
Flute: What do you care your highness? Do you want to report the insolence of your subject to a higher authority? No, don’t answer that. Nothing you say is worth anything anyway.
Oberon: No, I want to know who you are. I’ve hired you and ignored you; I know that, you know that. I abused your services and lied to you, and now I get it, all of it, for real. With Titania gone… I’m not sure we can start again, but can’t I know the name of the person I apologize to?
Flute: (Cooling down a bit) Look, I’m sorry your girlfriend left you, but trust me, she wasn’t worth much anyways. No one that cruel could be. And I’m still not sure you do get it, but I guess I’m willing to take one chance. My name is Flute.
Flute exits hurriedly, and Oberon sighs and moves to center stage to sit with his head in his hands. He does not bother trying to pursue Flute. Shelly enters, fuming, and the sound of her footsteps makes Oberon look up. Shelly gives a start when she finds that someone else is in the room, but then moves to sit beside Oberon.
Shelly: Mind if I sit here? I need to vent.
Oberon: Sure, you and me both.
Shelly: (Curiously) Do I know you?
Oberon: Probably… not. You hang around with Titania, right?
Shelly: (Angry) Don’t. Say. That. Name. I’ve had enough of that nasty piece of work to last a life time. Do you know what she did to me?
Oberon: No, what did she do?
Shelly: Well, I was at this really important dance recital, right, the one that only happens once a year, that’s why I’m dressed like this, and she calls me up and says to come to the school, right? So I tell her that I’m at this recital, but she still says to come. So I figure that it’s some kind of emergency. So guess what I find when I get here?
Oberon: What?
Shelly: She wanted me to come and wait on her newest boyfriend! She pulls me from my biggest recital this year to find his stupid band mates! And this isn’t even the first time she’s done something like that to me either. And now I’m too late to even make the end of my recital. I practiced weeks for it!
Shelly breaks down crying, and Oberon awkwardly puts his arm around her, trying to calm her down.
Oberon: I- I’m sorry. I don’t know how she could do that to you. I feel like I don’t even know her. (Pause) This is kind of sudden, but I can’t stand to see you crying like this. Would you come with me to the party tonight? I think it’s going to start soon.
Shelly: (Stopping her crying immediately) You’re inviting me? When I just unburdened all my problems on you? Looking like this? Why?
Oberon: (Darkly) Let’s just say we have some similar problems. And I admire you, for actually being brave enough to let out your feelings. I learned from someone I’d like to consider a friend that it isn’t good to pretend you are something you aren’t. Besides, I think you look beautiful.
Shelly: Really? Truly? Sure I’ll go with you; I have nothing else to do tonight! Not anymore at least. Just let me change, I think I’ve got some clothes in my locker.
Shelly gets up and runs off stage, happiness shining on her face.
Oberon: (Looking after Shelly and musing to himself) Was I that bad to Flute?
Oberon gets up to leave and as he stands Titania enters. He stiffens and gets ready for a barrage of insults. Instead Titania runs to him and starts begging. Oberon is completely taken aback.
Titania: Oh my endorphin release, my amazement above all wonders which never die away; I’m experiencing a feeling of regret in regards to my earlier reactions. I offer an apology or excuse for some fault.
Oberon: What? You’re sorry?
Titania: That is what my lips, tongue, and mouth said. I offer an apology or excuse for some fault.
Oberon: Well… I’m not sure…
Titania: Excellent! Now could you presently remove this foul speech impediment from my person?
Oberon: Wait a second; I didn’t say I forgave you! I’m starting to think the others are right about
you. You don’t do anything nice except for personal gain.
Titania: Me? Never! Now is it a possibility to remove the impediment…
Oberon: Why should I fix your speech? Give me one reason! When have you ever done something for me?
Titania: My confection made with sugar, I gave you your popularity!
Oberon: Some deal that turned out to be, I gave up myself in the process. No, you know what? I think you should learn to deal with this for a little while. It’ll teach you how the other half lives. (Wryly) I could have used that lesson.
Titania: You utterly foolish, senseless person! You’ll regret this, I swear.
Oberon: I may be an idiot, but not for the reasons you describe, but for letting go the only person who knew me for what I was. Flute could have been a true friend if I hadn’t treated him like dirt. That I regret, but not this.
Titania goes to sweep out of the room but is stopped as Flute, Theseus, and Hippolyta enter. Both Theseus’s and Hippolyta’s clothes are mussed. They are herding Flute along in between them, as he protests.
Flute: Dad! I’ve had enough today, I just want to go home!
Theseus: Son, I’m going to be the new principal at your school! This should be exciting for you! And you should at least come to my party!
Flute: (Muttering) A nightmare more like.
Hippolyta: Flute!
Theseus: (Noticing the others in the room) Honey, we have guests already!
Hippolyta: Yes Mr. Theseus, it seems we do. How are you doing… I don’t believe I know who you are!
Titania: Pay no heed to my movements or personage; I was just vacating the room.
Theseus: (Pause while trying to understand what Titania said) Nonsense! You must stay for my party! I insist. Look here come more guests!
Hermia, Lysander, Helena, and Demetrius all enter, talking quietly. Oberon takes the opportunity to move over to Flute and quietly whisper to him, moving him slightly away from his parents. Flute’s stoic and angry expression which appeared when he noticed Oberon slips away slowly as Oberon goes on, but the conversation is too quiet to hear. Titania tries to slip away unobtrusively, but isn’t able to ease out before getting caught by Hippolyta.
Theseus: Welcome, welcome! I’m so glad you came!
Lysander, Demetrius, and Helena look around at each other, wondering who will step up to the plate and talk, when Hermia pipes up.
Hermia: Sure! Of course we came! Parties are fun! I don’t think anything is better than parties! Everyone’s always so happy at them! It’s fun when people are happy! And the music is always so good to! I love dancing! Do you dance?
Theseus: (Trying to cut her off) Speaking of which, where has the band got to?
Hippolyta: I’ll go find them dear.
Hippolyta puts a hand to her mouth, for slipping up and calling Theseus “dear” while at work. She starts to blush and leaves quickly. An awkward silence develops with Theseus attempting to rekindle conversation with the newest arrivals. Megan and Brittney join the party, to Theseus’s relief and he moves to greet them. Hermia, Lysander, Helena, and Demetrius drift away. Shelly enters, looking stunning. Titania’s mouth drops as Oberon rushes to Shelly’s side.
Shelly: How do I look?
Oberon: You look… you look beautiful!
Titania: Shelly! You’re consorting with Oberon at this occasion!
Shelly: Oberon! No! This is… (She peers at him and gasps) You are Oberon! Why didn’t you tell me!
Oberon: You didn’t ask. I’m sorry, but I really don’t feel like myself anymore, I’ve changed.
Titania: You’re accounting a narrative of that to me! (To Shelly) He’s been uttering distraught words of mistakes and friends, yet won’t give aid to me! The pompous--
Shelly: (Cutting Titania off) Oberon, you might have lied about who you are, but if she hates you that’s all the reason I need to like you. Come on. Let’s get away from this witch.
The party resumes for a short while and more people enter to fill the room. Puck enters last and speaks loudly, moving the focus onto Titania who is once again trying to sneak out.
Puck: Titania! What a wonderful surprise it is to see you here!
Puck notices Hermia and blows her a kiss, which she giggles at. Lysander glowers at him.
Titania: Be soundless you imbecile!
Oberon: No, you be quiet Titania. I’m tired of hearing you abuse people.
Titania: Oberon, put a mark besides my words. I no longer want anything to do with your personage. You’ve changed into a jellyfish like, enfeebled, nitwit.
Flute: (To Titania, before Oberon can speak) Oberon has changed, but I would say it is for the better, not the worse. (To Oberon) I’m sorry it took so long to believe you it’s just--
Oberon: (Cutting him off) You have nothing to be sorry for Flute. You were right, all along, about everything. It is my fault, not yours. I just want to be the friend to you that you have been to me.
Flute: Of course. I don’t throw away my friends.
Hippolyta enters with the band trailing behind her dispiritedly, all except for Bottom, who brushes past Hippolyta rudely and barrels towards the microphone. The rest of the band take their places reluctantly.
Bottom: My useless teachers, students, blah, blah, blah, give it up for the master! Me!
Bottom bows even before he starts to sing and looks angry when there is no answering clapping other than that of Theseus and Hippolyta. The rest of the people in the room are staring at his odd clothes and cape. He hurridly nods to Quince, who panics and counts the band in erratically. They start playing, sounding even more catastrophic than they did practicing because they don’t have the saving grace of Flute’s voice. When finished they all look downcast as Bottom again takes the microphone to talk. Quince looks like he’s about ready to burst into tears.
Bottom: There you are, my pathetic listeners! I have such a beautiful voice, don't I? Now, I'm sure you all want to know all about who the stunning genius on stage is! But of course, it's me! This all started when I was a young boy, small, and not yet in preschool. I had a traumatic childhood, but it began with Michelle and that handsome rubber duck. That duck was my life, its squeaky yellowness… I will never forget the fateful day I saw the last of my precious ducky. It was after bath time, and my poor ducky was all wet, but I knew just what to do! I opened the oven door and placed my ducky upon it, and turned on the oven. My older sister Michelle called me away then, but I would not have gone if I had only known what she had in store for my poor duck! As I was imprisoned in the bathroom, she went to the kitchen and closed the oven! She said she had not seen the duck, but I don't believe her! Never trust anyone! I'm sure to this day she used her psychic power to make me forget my poor Quackers. By morning, it was all over, my duck was a sticky bit of yellow on the oven's bottom. (Perking up) But I had my revenge! The kitchen stank of burnt plastic for days! And that was how I came to find my perfect profession, evilness. But no matter how bad I am, it will never make up for my poor, poor Quackers. (Pause) And now, for my encore, which I'm sure you all want to hear!
Theseus: (Clapping) Bravo, Bravo! I was expecting a band, but that was such a marvelous comedy routine I could not dream of saying a word against it! Bravo, simply marvelous!
The rest of the watchers start clapping, slowly, as Flute tries to hide his laughter.
Bottom: Comedy! No! No! You don’t understand! This wasn’t part of the plan! You were supposed to love my singing and let me take over the school!
The already sparse clapping fades down as people look at Bottom oddly. He starts to fidget and move, while Flute is now doubled over with silent laughter.
Theseus: Enough! Your routine was quite good, but I did hire a band! Could you play us some music, I mean good music?
Flute’s composure slips and he can’t hold in his laughter any longer. Bottom stares at him, and the rest of the room’s focus is also transferred to him. Hippolyta moves towards him and tries to make him hush.
Hippolyta: Flute! Now is not the time!
Flute: But don’t you see? That was their music! Their rock at least.
Hippolyta: Hush!
Bottom: What’s the meaning of this laughter? Have you any idea with whom you are dealing? Fool! This is not funny!
Hippolyta: Do. Not. Call. My. Son. A. Fool.
Bottom: Why should I not! He’s laughing, laughing at me, the all powerful Bottom, and for that he must be a fool! (Pause) Thinking about it, you are all fools, laughing or not.
Flute: (Taking a breath from his giggles, which he had almost gotten under control again) You?
Thinking? That must have taken some effort! (Sobering up) Come on Quince, why do you stay up there and let this “genius” humiliate you? In fact, why do any of you put up with him!
Quince: Well… t-to b-be honest… (Mustering his courage) Bottom is my friend. I know that sometimes he isn’t the best friend a person can have, but he’s always there for me when I need him.
Flute: I seriously doubt that. I mean come on; he insults you any chance he gets! Do you honestly think that he sees you as anything more than a tool?
Quince: (Unsure) Well…
Bottom: (Frantically) Don’t listen to him Quince. You said yourself that I’ve always stood by you.
Quince: (Decidedly) You know Bottom, Flute is right! Exactly when have you stood by me? I can list the times I’ve helped you out, like a friend should, but can you do the same?
Bottom opens his mouth but can’t think of anything to say.
Flute: What about you others? Why are you up there being humiliated?
Tom, Snug, and Robin look at each other and silently agree on Robin as the spokesperson. She stands up, looking decidedly nervous and awkward, wishing she could melt into the shadows.
Robin: At first… well… I can’t speak for the others, but, well… I was here to get my grades up, but now... (The rest of the words come out in a rush) now I’m here for Quince. He’s a good guy, even though he has lousy choice in friends, and I figured he’d need someone to help him out when Bottom ditched him. That’s why I’m here at least.
Robin sits down quickly as the others nod their agreement.
Flute: So Quince, you have one “friend” who’s never done anything for you in his life, and a group of people right in front of you who stayed in this fake of a band, and came and played in front of my dad, humiliating themselves because they knew that this band was important to you. Who do you think are your real friends?
Quince hesitates for a moment and looks back and forth from Bottom, who looks pleadingly at him, to the others in front of him. His mind is made up quickly and he steps forward to stand between his band mates as he speaks.
Quince: My friends are here. They always have been! I know that now.
Bottom: Fine! I never needed you anyway! I can do this on my own!
Bottom storms out, stepping on his cape and tripping as he exits. Everybody laughs. Theseus claps his hands for attention before speaking.
Theseus: Right! Now that that’s all sorted out, how about some real music?
Quince: My pleasure Mr. Theseus! Flute? Would you join us up here?
Flute: Of course!
Quince: Great! Is everyone ready!
The band all nods and Quince moves to the front to counts them off. The piano leads into a beautiful jazz piece, which immediately puts the people in the room into a daze, except Puck, who instead looks around him, shrugs, and moves downstage to speak with the audience.
Puck: Ya’ know, no matter how badly I mess with these guys, or they mess themselves up, everything always seems to turn out just fine. Funny how that works, ain’t it?
Puck shrugs again, and walks offstage. The other band members join into the piece of music slowly, weaving a beautiful piece of music as the curtain closes.
.
. Thanks so much.
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