5/10. You have a lot of information in this sentence, and a lot of it is conflicting and distracting. The last clause feels like a non sequitur, and there shouldn't be a hyphen in "eight years", because "years" is the measurement. (Think of it this way, would you say a foot is twelve-inches long or twelve inches long?) It could be interesting, but it needs a grammatical reworking so there's something tying the two parts together—while non sequiturs can be interesting, they're weak enough without the support of a following paragraph, and you want your hook to be able to stand on its own.
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They buried my uncle on a pale summer day.
Gender:
Points: 50
Reviews: 425