Young Writers Society

When are we going to start this?

Lumierre, you're perfect.

fictionfanatic, I'm going to accept Ace, but you can't keep using choppy sentences like "she is a skilled liar and thief. she is good at making people talk." You're very vague when describing her, and you keep pointing out the same things twice, such as being a skilled thief, being "overly protective and possessive," even though she has good reason to be so since it is the 18th century where people aren't exactly rolling in money, and people might just be after her since she's a thief and all that jazz. You say, "she wears black because she is a thief," which is the most absurd thing ever, because she's trying to keep a low profile, and if she always dresses in black like she's on her way to a funeral, people are going to think something's up, and if they think she's weird, they won't hesitate to point a finger when a crime has been committed. And the skirt thing is also odd, as skirt or no skirt, she'll still be under suspicion (and it would be "so people won't suspect her, not "expect her") if somebody catches her wandering around for a prolonged amount of time near a certain item. Also, carrying a dagger at her waist isn't the smartest idea, since it can be easily spotted.

But fine, she's approved. But keep in mind that people are allowed to ignore posts, so I would suggest you use your head a little more, and turn your writing up a notch.

Apple wrote:
Skills: Gabriel is talented in hearing. She can hear almost meters away, the slightest whisper sets off like a scream to her. Because of this she can easily creep away unnoticed and can easily sense movement coming towards her. Though blind, Gabriel has excellent aim when it comes to a moving target, though to a non-moving target she is hopeless.

Flaws: She listens with ears. In other words; Gabriel is blind, though only partially. She can see glimpses of things, though that is only in black and white and the image is very shaky. Gabriel has been ‘partially’ blind ever since she was very young. Though she disguises her disability, it often comes back to haunt her. In fighting, she has to wait for an opponent to come at her before she can fully dodge an attack or even make one of her own.

Hahahaha, I love how everybody is mistaking "flaws" for "serious disabilities." We have blind, we have deaf, next thing I know somebody is going to make a mute character. Alright, if she can't see well, fine, she can't see well. But this is logical, "realistic fiction," and the fact that she has excellent aim is just ridiculous. Let's say she can't just seem to get her target alone, so she heads up to the top of a tall building and tries to kill him from there with her arrow. So he's moving about, chatting with his friends and so on, but since her eyesight is terrible, she can't really tell which one he is, although she could easily hit him [because she's so good at moving targets]. If she's been doing this since she was at least 18, she's still only had two years of real practice, meaning two years of mistake after mistake after mistake. What I'm trying to get at here is that you can let her be partially blind, but making her a skilled archer is pushing it too far. And as far as being a bounty hunter goes, she has to be able to find her target, who's usually hiding, by what he looks like. If she can't tell what he looks like, it doesn't matter how good her hearing is, bounty hunters track people down because the police force can't.

You know what, scratch what I said before about keeping her blind. Don't keep her blind. Give her a personality flaw or something, because she's good enough. Give her something like, I don't know, she has celiac and can't eat bread, the easiest obtainable food source, and she's prone to fainting. Or she's an assassin on the side when the bounty hunting business is slow, and at the moment is at a high risk of getting caught. Or she gets irritated with people who are slow at feeding her information about her target, and then ends up losing what could have pointer her directly to him. Something like that. The blind thing is just no, it will only make everything more difficult for you, and half the things your character would be doing would be near-impossible to impossible. She's talented, okay, but she's not superhuman, and I don't care how good her hearing is.

You're accepted, because you write well and everything else in the profile is fine and dandy, but change what I told you to change.
:3

* * * *

We can start when Apple fixes Gabriel, but we'll still be accepting people. And also, remember that the plot of the storybook was bounty hunters and assassins trying to kill one another, not just leading their own lives without the drama of the other characters. Five posts about your thief stealing an apple is irrelevant and boring and nobody cares. Also, keep in mind that this is in the late-late 1700's, so you'll be working by candelight, watching the rich stroll by in carriages, policemen will be riding horses, and the French Revolution, across the water, has begun.

Have fun everybody :] Anybody can start it.

LoveableLittleSock, I only really use the short and choppy sentences for character profiles. Sorry about that though. I will fix some of the errors.

Wait, we can start? Like now? Yessssssss!

Delilah


I pulled the long cotton dress over my corset and walked out of the outhouse behind the bar. I went around the bar and began walking through the Boston streets. After about five minutes of walking, I looked around, trying to find a middle-aged woman who would know where my next target would live. A aged woman with blond hair, streaked with gray hustled beside me, two small children giggling and running in front of her. I smirked and began to follow her.

“Pardon me, ma'am?” I called.

“Yes?” She answered as she turned towards me.

“Would you happen to know where Mrs. Mary Brown would live?”

“Ah, yes, I do. Turn the corner over there, then walk till you see a small cobblestone with an enormous garden. She should be inside,” The woman replied before picking up the smallest of her children and hurrying away before I could thank her.

Another five minutes and I was in front of the small house. Now the fun would really begin.


*Sorry if the language isn't that great*

EDIT: Fixed. I hope this one is okay.

Is this ever starting?

xD Yes, yes, I'll post later, I promise.

Hello. I am not going to be joining this StoryBook but I will gladly read it if you don't mind. And perhaps I could leave a comment here or there?

Hi Words!

Welcome to YWS. I hope you enjoy your stay. In the storybook section MOST of the time people do NOT post in a storybook unless they are participating in it. If you wan't to comment on a story then I suggest going to the fiction sections because that way you don't confuse people here, and you get review points.

Whaaat? I don't see why not, that's cute how she wants to do that. Go ahead :3

Sounds good, but I really want to get started so you should be typing Sock.

Nobody said you couldn't post :3

edit: Buuuut, I'll post something. Just give me some time.

The sight of blood tensed my muscles, and I held my breath as the dark, shining red liquid trickled down the nape of his neck. In the moonlight it glowed a lovely shade of crimson, and as his body fell limp, his knees buckled and his face slid against the hard, pebbly concrete, my own eyes shone at the sight of his lifeless corpse. Backtracking into the shadow of the dark, silent alleyway, I retrieved a cloth from my back pocket and meticulously cleaned my dagger. His wide eyes and his bloodless visage appeared in the reflection, and finding this level of cleanliness sufficient, I discarded the cloth. It fell across the top of his head.

The sky was decorated by a myriad of disarrayed, filmy clouds that lazily spread themselves against the blackness. An orange glow lit up the filthy houses that lined the streets: broken, roughed apartments of dirty browns and dull, ugly blues. My hands shoved inside my cloak, I played with the loose fabric at the bottom of my pocket as I watched the street ahead of me, keeping a sharp eye for any passerby who might chance by at two in the morning. The cushions glued to the bottom of my boots refrained my steps from making any noise, and walking along the shadows, I was invisible, soundless, and ready to strike at a moment's notice. Of course, fortunately, the deed has already been done.

Mr. Kenneth Alymer, a name I'd been watching, a name I'd been studying, a name I'd been waiting for. Within days I've distinguished a pattern of stepping out of his house strictly at a quarter past eight, heading to work for another strict twelve hours, and tiredly shuffling toward the nearest pub and resting there for another hour or so, depending on how many drinks he's decided to indulge that particular night. Unfortunately for Mr. Alymer, after he left the pub tonight, he never made it home.

It's was ironic how the night I had planned to shove my knife under his ear, he planned to stay a couple of extra hours downing God knows what he was drinking. The fact of the matter was, as he stumbled out, he figured he would amuse himself with the lovely young lady waiting for him across the street. Ordinarily I would have not interfered, as it was a typical practice, but upon recognizing the young lady, I decided to disallow him to have his fun.

A key bounced inside my pocket, and quickly I whipped it out and unlocked the cage that bordered the top of the local well. I grabbed the bars, quietly put it off to the side, and slid into the darkness whilst keeping a steady hand on the ladder bolted to the side. The lid was carefully put back on, and I slowly made my way further and further down the lightless, dusty well. Before I knew it the bottom of my foot felt the bottom, and almost automatically I reached out in front of me and felt a sturdy, metal handle. The door creaked open and inside I stepped, looking around me to see if anybody had come back yet. Most of us were out pendant la nuit, but indeed I saw Daniel reposing on a chair in the corner. He looked exhausted, sprawled about, his head leaned back and his eyes closed. As I walked past his eyes fluttered open, and he lifted his head up ever-so-slightly. From the corner of my eye I watched him and, upon making contact, nodded, and continued to amble into the next room.

Tomorrow I would collect the other half of what my contractor promised me. It would be an eventful day, whether or not he could keep up with his end of the bargain. As disappointing as it was, it couldn't help being decent practice.

*Is the well where we live? As in do we have rooms below?

Daniel Swift (Assassin):

Vaguely hearing something moving toward me I opened my eyes to see that it was Noah. We made eye contact, and he kept walking. Obviously he had been successful killing his target, and now I might as well get up. The musty anteroom of the cave that I had fallen asleep in didn't have very much clean air in it like the other rooms of the cave. Groggily getting up I turned and picked up my rifle leaving my precious bow sitting there till night. The cold ladder met my hands as I quickly climbed.

Upon exiting and resealing the well I made sure no one had seen me come out, no one had. Since I had fallen asleep in my day clothes I had no need to get changed. The colonial colors of my outfit made me stand out as a city guard. Pushing down a side street and onto the main thoroughfare I made my way past all the market vendors just waking up for the day.

Only a few people were out and about this early, but I did pick out the familiar form of Shari who was examining a few merchant stalls that had opened already. I liked Shari because she seemed like a unique individual although we had encountered problems in our friendship when she turned to thievery. My day job as a city guard hadn't gone well with her thieving, and since I do my contracts at night we didn't have any time to just be friends again. Hopefully in the future we can be friends since I miss those days. I don't think that she noticed me passing by in the shadows of the building because she was eying a beautiful necklace.

Soon I found myself approaching the barracks hopefully our captain, Christopher Jefferson, would not have a lot of difficult work for us because I had a contract tonight. The only good thing about this job was that I got to see what the guard was doing and report to the assassins.