Young Writers Society

I think we can assume it's not Deaven, Galea or "Bob", so that leaves either Kester or Machavell,

He looked quite annoyed at the fact that a short half elf was lying on top of him leisurely.

Of the known characters, Machavall seems most fitting. But then, it wouldn't be unreasonable for any person to be annoyed that someone jut fell on them, so could be one of the other slaves. Makes a bit more sense to try to arrange for a conversation between two characters, though, make a connection to be used later.

Of the known characters, Machavall seems most fitting.

Lol.

Will see what I can do. I'm going to write a post out now and then probably upload it when I get home in about four hours. If anyone else wants to post between then, we'll say Machavell (unfortunately ) is the one that was fallen on.

Laters!

Charlie

Charlie II wrote:

Multiple descriptions going on here, so just to clear it up, are our characters the only ones on the ship as far as slaves go, or are there others?

Good question.

If you're referring to FinalFreedom's post, I believe the "Love Slaves" have been moved into the same cell as the "Labour Slaves".

But, as to who Videl is addressing at the end of the post, I'm unsure. I think we can assume it's not Deaven, Galea or "Bob", so that leaves either Kester or Machavell, I believe. If you could post to confirm this, FinalFreedom, that would be great. If not, I'll post when I get back from school to keep it moving.

Although, everyone else will have probably posted by then!

Charlie

Sorry, yes it was Machavell

I had gotten the impression by reading the posts about Machavell that he was beside "Bob", so I made Videl fall on him. I thought it would be interesting...*cough,cough*

FinalFreedom, I like your style!

So, how about that. A little weakness and antagonism for poor Machavell! Please do say if I've portrayed Videl wrongly. I tried to incorporate the "trickster" edge and seductive nature, but if it's a little over-the-top then just mention it and I'll edit it!

Lord Anzius >> I felt Machavell was portrayed a little weakly here. He would probably be above exchanging insults after being so publicly humiliated, or if he did they would be very personal and laced with threats. Leave the dialogue as it is for now, but if you write a longer post involving Machavell would you mind PM'ing me for guidance on his responses?

Thanks!

Charlie

Charlie II wrote:FinalFreedom, I like your style!

So, how about that. A little weakness and antagonism for poor Machavell! Please do say if I've portrayed Videl wrongly. I tried to incorporate the "trickster" edge and seductive nature, but if it's a little over-the-top then just mention it and I'll edit it!

Lord Anzius >> I felt Machavell was portrayed a little weakly here. He would probably be above exchanging insults after being so publicly humiliated, or if he did they would be very personal and laced with threats. Leave the dialogue as it is for now, but if you write a longer post involving Machavell would you mind PM'ing me for guidance on his responses?

Thanks!

Charlie

You portrayed her perfectly Just let me know if I go over the top or make any mistakes with Machavell, though

I'm a little confused by the placing of the slaves, now.

At first, I thought everyone was in a separate cage. But after reading several of the other posts, about people falling on each other, getting close, talking etc, I think we're all in a big hold, walled off by bars now?

*is confused*

Alas, When the storm hit, the guards were sent to secure the slaves. We, the labor slaves, got tied up. The love slaves were more or less thrown in with us shortly after, and I've not a clue what happened with the exotic slaves. Apparently it was all their guard could to to hold on to the bars himself through the storm. Which, I think, is begining to pass.

As to the layout, I was wondering the same thing. Had a mental map more or less like the following:

KEY:

^^ = door
* *= Bars

__________________________
...................|.......................|
...................|.......................|
...................|.......................|
Love slaves..|.Exotic slaves....|
...................|.......................|
...................|.......................|
...................|.......................|
...................|.......................|
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
_________^^_________________
....HALL.........stairs going up >>
_________^^__________________

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Labor Slaves_________________



Not up to scale, but the general idea's there. Of course, this is just what *I* imagine. Doesn't mean this is the way it actually *is*. But yeah, Love slaves were put in with us, Exotic slaves held onto their bars, and we got tied up with ropes. That's where the extra people came from.

Jiggity wrote:I'm a little confused by the placing of the slaves, now.

At first, I thought everyone was in a separate cage. But after reading several of the other posts, about people falling on each other, getting close, talking etc, I think we're all in a big hold, walled off by bars now?

*is confused*

No, there weren't proper bars in the love slave's quarters, so they moved them into the labour slaves quarters in order to make sure they were kept unharmed. *but stupid Videl got 3 cracked ribs...*

I made Videl fall in order to spike conversation.

The labor slaved are in a community cell, as are the love slaves. The exotic slaves are in a separate hold--the cargo hold--individually caged.

About my short post(s)...

Sorry about that, and thanks for the notice, appreciate it.

But Jiggity, I would also appreciate it if you eased up your messages, you could just mention it and not actually be so harsh. It isn't the first thing I really want to read when I read my messages, and I wasn't really in the mood to read something like that (especially because I just broke a bone in my chest (not a rib).

But anyways.

I'll make my posts longer, and I won't post before I have planned my post from top to bottom... Is that okay then?

Lord Anzius >> Don't worry about it. We're all learning and trying to improve, so I'm sure whatever was said was not intended to insult you personally.

The writers here are all at different stages and levels of ability, so those higher up have a responsibility to teach those who need it. Equally, writers who are struggling can ask for help or tips to improve. I'm sure no-one here would mind if you wanted to ask a few questions! We should have a proper chat some time, Anzius!

But, most of all, this is a team of writers. We have to work together in order to achieve anything, so let's see a little more collaboration between writers. I'm currently working on a post with Insomnia (Kester) and even contributed some of the dialogue to his latest post. If anyone wants to do the same, they can contact me by MSN, PM, or email!

Just to recap: blain_is_a_pain@hotmail.com

Are we good, guys?

Charlie

Wellity, I'd have liked to have mentioned it earlier, gently, but I was told to wait and see if you improved; give you the chance to find your feet, etc.

Didn't happen.

Sometimes tough love does the trick.

See that post you did up there? Know what I like about it? Very few errors and it was longer then most of your posts thus far. The message is already working! Keep it up and we can expect smooth sailing ahead.

I will post soon... Or now a conversation between mine and Dreamer's character. And maybe one of the love slaves. But I'm not totally sure if Shirin is with Deaven at this time... Correct me if I'm wrong.

I have had a little chat with Dreamer already.

Shirin is with 'Bob' (Dijon); he's the one hugging her.

I agree with Charlie. We are a team of writers, and I commend you all for acting like a team. I have seen way too many storybooks become character-possesive.

We all do need to include everyone, notice everyone, talk with everyone. It's hard to do at times because everyone has a differing personality, but you can always add them to MSN if you are having trouble with character controls