@Charizard821, that was an intense, emotional post. Very well done. However, Zulu never mentions either his or Riley's names, which seems to be the prompt for the "You blew our cover!" accusation, and I assume you had meant to put it in, since the family knew their names, but how did they find them if the Noibat and Riolu that work for Twinkiel are named differently?
I don't want you to think I'm criticising your post, because it is a great post, it's just that that is something I'd mention in a review. Besides, that conclusion was perfect, and yay! New members!
Now, I must attend to other matters. The post will be up later this week, but in the meantime, plot twists, chemisty and genetics demand my attention.
EDIT: Hey, why am Tort and I the only ones liking posts?
But the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. — Paul the Apostle
Winter is inevitable. Spring will return eventually, and AstralHunter with it.
@Charizard821 That is... Huh. That Dugtrio father wasn't supposed to be dead. Guess I'll have to improvise a bit. Ah well! That's what I'm best at. Movin' on to my ACTUAL reaction of the chapter. For those who didn't read it yet, don't read the following spoiler. ...I should do that more often...
Spoiler! :
1. That first bit of dialogue is so similar to a dialogue I had with a random classmate this week. It's almost scary. Looks like you haven't lost your psychic power, Char. Oh, and it was funny. As in... It's good to see that Riley adn Zulu are gettin' along. It feels like they're two grunts of a small Team Rocket-like squad. Which I find really cute.
2. Just something I need to say real quick: that Dugtrio we chatted about? It... was supposed to be Spadassya's messenger, becaue the Venom Knives have 2 allied species under their belt - which i briefly mentioned, but not in details, and I should've. This isn't a complain, and please do not change anything, 'cause that post was great. We both know I can improvise too.
3. Oh hey! A rape story. The way Zulu reacted really makes me feel like I'm in an RPG.
4. "husband thought it would be good for his business." ← And there comes my chance. Looks like my next post's gonna be kinda long.
5. Way to go, Zulu. See? Stop sayin' that you're weak! You're a hero at heart!
6. "What kind of people would we be if we let this poor woman deal with this on her own?" ← Twinkiels, most likely. Wait no, he's not THAT bad of a person. Most of the time.
7. Well that was a realy awesome sneak-based battle sequence. I sure as heck enjoyed it. That and it was time for Riley and Zulu to get SOME battling experience, so really, it's good that you improvied the situation into this. Good job, man.
8. Aaaaaaaaaaand the lady has been saved. Simple, classic, effective. The day = saved.
9. Hah. Is Twinkiel mad. Now that's the big question. Lemme finish my tea party with Sully and I'll be sure to tell ya.
So, um, yeah. Pretty cool chapter. Like, really, it was short, but ti was effective. It was great.
There ya go!
@AstralHunter Personally I mostly put a like on the posts I really enjoyed, though I've recently been taught that putting a like is also a way to show activity to people, so I do it more. ...Good question though.
"Is there a limit to how much living I can live with my life? How will I know if I've gone too far? And why did I spend my life savings on sunglasses for a whale? I shall find the answers... to these questions."
Hunter, though it was never written in, it was implied that Riley and Zulu returned the children back to their mother, at which point they told her who they really were, and also where they were staying. My apologies if I didn't make that very clear. Also, you still have a work of mine to review before the month ends, don't forget. ;P
Tort, yes that is the big question. I feel like he's passively very angry right now, and I'm quite honestly terrorfried for Riley and Zulu. XD
@Charizard821 Terrorfried? Well that's an interesting word. Thanks for leavin' it there, lol. Heh. Stay tuned, maybe he is, maybe not :3
"Is there a limit to how much living I can live with my life? How will I know if I've gone too far? And why did I spend my life savings on sunglasses for a whale? I shall find the answers... to these questions."
(I would've liked that post if it wasn't for the fact he posted it right before my movie night, @AstralHunter. <.< )
Anyways, I'll try to make a more specific review of your post, @Charizard821, but I can't right now: it's Review Day, I'm trying to finish NaRevWriMo, I spent the past half hour mowing the lawn with a push mower, and my stomach hurts really badly. However, I can say now that it is awesome, and I liked it immensely. Nicely done!
Oh, and you gave me an idea. That too.
S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse a persona che mai tornasse al mondo, questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse. Ma per ciò che giammai di questo fondo non tornò vivo alcun, s'i' odo il vero, senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.
k, Char - I read over it again, just to refresh my memory, and here's your more specific review (enspoilered in case somebody here hasn't read the post yet):
Spoiler! :
That opening though...it made me laugh. For a dark-themed, and dramatic, story, it sure has a humorous beginning. It's fun to see Riley's wit and sarcasm going against Zulu's naivety, particularly when Zulu is offended at the end and doesn't understand that he offended Riley himself. XD
...Personally, I wouldn't imagine that the Dugtrio mother would be so willing to allow two complete strangers into her house. They do express that their friendly, but, after just having lost her husband, and with both of her children in incredibly deep danger, why would you trust the first nice-seeming person into your house? Then again, perhaps it's her situation that makes her allow them in - after all, what else does she have to lose? Well, her sanity, perhaps, but she's already lost just about everything else. She has lost her husband, both of her children, and, if she doesn't do anything, her daughter's virginity will be the next to go. Besides, I'd imagine that, in the event of danger, she would burrow herself away. Yeah; now that I think about it, I guess it would make sense that she would allow them in - she's desperate, oh so desperate, and desperation can lead to risks such as this.
...This is probably just me thinking out loud here, but wouldn't it be more interesting if a Dugtrio's three heads carry different parts of its personality? You could have one head represent one emotion, and so forth. It would make conversations a lot more interesting, that's for sure. Hmm...maybe I should make a character that acts like that...
...Oh, so Annabelle is adopted? Interesting...this means her mother or father could be a Ninetales. And they themselves are an uncommon species in the Mystery Dungeon series. Hmm...*thinks*
...You get extra points of approval for an epic fight. I love the way that they concoct a battle strategy before the fight begins. It's interesting to see how they plot to disorient all their targets at the same time. And the way that you add a sense of suspense and horror before the fight begins is equally impressive. You've done an excellent job of stabbing the reader's heart with fear and horror. Even though I've grown somewhat used to themes such as that (thanks largely to Hunter), I found myself still growing anxious when I read that part of the story. And then comes in Zulu, and I felt so much more relieved.
...Haha, they basically fought and lost to each other. Wonderful. XD
...The end of the story is equally fantastic. It's nice to see the plot resolved, Annabelle safe, and the conversation that ensues at the end of the story. I'm happy to see that the two children are so eager to support the Resistance and help the war effort, and how they each make clear what particular roles they could serve. I'm just curious to see how Twinkiel will react to their cover having been blown. Hopefully, he'll be a little forgiving, but it'd be just as fun if he wasn't.
In all, it was a great read. A dark one, obviously, but a fantastic one nonetheless. Nicely done!
S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse a persona che mai tornasse al mondo, questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse. Ma per ciò che giammai di questo fondo non tornò vivo alcun, s'i' odo il vero, senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.
@TheSilverFox Should probably mention that unlike many other 2 or 3 headed pokemons, Dugtrios have one brain. They all think the same thing. So that idea has to be used for another 'Mon. (Do that though, would be fun XD)
"Is there a limit to how much living I can live with my life? How will I know if I've gone too far? And why did I spend my life savings on sunglasses for a whale? I shall find the answers... to these questions."
I just feel I ought to say this officially in the DT, but congratulations on being Featured Member, @TheSilverFox! You really deserve it. Oh, and while I'm at it, congratulations on essentially having completed RevMo! (But to make things fun, see how far above fifty you can go.)
@Tortwag, the Jewels post will magically appear in the SB within seven days, and fear not, for she will be leaving the Shrine during said post. Oh, and *this text has been removed because it reveals classified information*.
(Hmm, I suppose you'll just have to read the post, then.)
But the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. — Paul the Apostle
Winter is inevitable. Spring will return eventually, and AstralHunter with it.
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