Young Writers Society

Author's Note:

It isn’t his kiss that draws me in, as tender as his lips are.

The world suddenly fades out of view, and how my heart quickens in anticipation. When our breaths hitch softly as we lean in, I notice a faint, endearing blush blooming on his cheeks. Every nerve on my body seems to tingle as he holds my gaze with gentle eyes that whisper his love without words. One arm holds my waist securely while the other tilts my chin and embarrasses me with his reverent gaze. At the risk of sounding- oh dear- clichéd, my insides melt when I realise he’s searching my face to see if I reciprocate his feelings. Where his hands move to cup my face, bringing me closer, caressing my warm cheeks with the strokes of his thumbs, he leaves a path of heat. Be it butterflies or moths, something does happy, energetic flips and flutters in my abdomen. I can’t explain why, though my legs tremble, they still find the strength to hold me up as I find myself on tip-toes. As our bodies decide oxygen precedes this multitude of sensations and emotions in importance, we reluctantly pull away from one another and he rubs his neck apologetically for getting caught up in the moment.

It’s the way afterwards, I feel his smile against my fingertips and see the lights in his eyes dance when I’ve shown him how I feel.


The original piece:

Awww! <3 Love!
So I've never been kissed either, but when I eventually do get my first kiss I want it to be just like this. 8D
Sure it's short, but I can really feel the emotion you put into this. And it makes me go "squeee so cute OMG"

Okay. so now onto the review.

Meep(: wrote:It isn’t his kiss that draws me in, as tender as his lips are.
It’s the way the world suddenly fades out of view, and how my heart quickens in anticipation.
It’s the way our breaths hitch softly as we lean in, and I notice a faint blush spreading on his cheeks.
It’s the way he holds my gaze with gentle eyes that whisper his love without words. This really makes me go "awwwww" <3
It’s the way one arm holds my waist securely while the other tilts my chin and embarrasses me with his reverent gaze.
It’s the way my insides melt when I realize he’s searching my face to see if I reciprocate his feelings.
It’s the way his hands move to cup my face to bring me closer, as he caresses my warm cheeks with the strokes of his thumbs.
It’s the way we reluctantly pull away from one another and he rubs his neck apologetically for getting caught up in the moment.
It’s how afterwards, I feel his smile against my fingertips and see the lights in his eyes dance when I’ve shown him how I feel. You used feel two times in this last sentence, it's kind of redundant. Try saying "when I've shown him my heart", or something similar

It's cute! Keep writing <3

This was incredibly sweet and I really loved the little details you so beautifully described. You really gave me the warm-and-fuzzies with this one xD I only have one critique and that is the repetition. You begin almost every line with "It's the way..." and for me, this is distracting from the content and the beauty of the piece itself. I liked this a lot, I really, really did, but I think you could come up with a more creative way to begin your lines. Just my opinion Altogether though, this is an awesome little jewel.

~Jess

AAAWWWWW
I don't know if it's because I'm in love, but this is the best thing I've read in a while...
Seriously, darling, it is so full of emotion, and it's so real and so sweet. I have no words to describe how I feel now...
Congratulations for this fantastic writing.

Meep(: wrote:It’s the way the world suddenly fades out of view, and how my heart quickens in anticipation.

Perfect perfect perfect line here. I guess it happens to all of us a few seconds before the kiss. And if it is the first kiss, oh my God...

Meep(: wrote:It’s the way our breaths hitch softly as we lean in, and I notice a faint blush spreading on his cheeks.

Another perfect line, and again, so real.

Meep(: wrote:It’s the way one arm holds my waist securely while the other tilts my chin and embarrasses me with his reverent gaze.
It’s the way my insides melt when I realise he’s searching my face to see if I reciprocate his feelings.

It makes me remember Edward and Bella's first kiss... (have you read the book)
And I guess this is it... This moments before are better than the kiss itself, some say, and I totally agree...

Keep writing, darling, and feel free to PM me or post on my wall if you need anything.
And here's a like.
I really hope it gets featured.
^^
_______Adriana________

If I ever , ever , ever , ever ,ever ever , ever , ever , ever ,ever ever , ever , ever , ever ,ever ever , ever , ever , ever ,ever ever , ever , ever , ever ,ever ever , ever , ever , ever ,ever write a romantic novel , I am so going to ask you for help !!! It was so beautiful !! I really loved it !!! I cant even tell you how much I love it !!!