Young Writers Society

Jane was lonely.It had been a year since her mother had died and she had never even met her father.She could have gone crazy if it wasn't for Nick,the next door neighbor.He was 15, a year older than Jane, and loved everything she did.
Nick was in love.Jane was the most beautiful girl ever.She was tall,funny,sweet and loved everyithing he did.He was also sad.Jake,the rich boy in town,also loved Jane,and why would she go of with him if Jake was the other candidate.
Jake was jealus.He saw the way Jane looked at the peasant Nick.She'd never love him like that,but he waited with hope that she would love him instead.Sadly,that never happened.The only way for her to love him,was for Nick to die.
Jane was worried.The maid had warned her and nick to leave the village.She also said that Nick's life was in danger.Jake,she thought.Jake wants to kill Nick.They had to leave.They had to leave now.
Nick was in trouble.Someone would kill him soon and Jane was too worried.She told him to leave and let her there.Sure,so the killer could kill her.If someone was leaving the village it would be Jane.Jane and him.
Jack had a plan.Tonight,when Nick and Jane were leaving he would kill him.A small hit on the back and it would be over.Jane would marry him.It was his perfect night.
Jane was surprised.They were already on top of their horses when the killer striked.Nick was dead.She stood up and hugged him crying.When she was about to leave,it happened. Nick started breathing.Nick had came back from the death.
Nick wasn't dead.Even though Jake's bullet came right through his heart.He didn't know what happened while he was dead,but he only remembered a person saying something about the power of true love.
Jake didn't know where he was.He remembered Jane crying and Nick coming back to life but nothing else.He was sitting in a big dark room.A man walked to him.He kept muttering things about the price of murder.He took of his hood and Jake saw death.
Jane kissed Nick.They were getting married in a few weeks.Jack was gone no one knew were,but people weren't worrying much.They were happy,everyone except Jack's mom.

Nice story! I liked it although I think it went very fast! You probably should have done it a bit longer. Then there are just a few mistakes that I would like to point out:
First of all, you should put a space after a point or comma. And you didn't do it here.

Jake was jealus.

"Jealus" is spelled "jealous".

and nick to leave the village.

"Nick" should be capitalized.

Jack had a plan.

Wait a second, wasn't it Jake?

They were getting married in a few weeks.

Weren't they fifteen years old?

Jack was gone no one knew were,but people weren't worrying much.

Jack? You wrote "were" and it should be "where".

everyone except Jack's (?) mom.

Anyway, good job! Even though it went kind of fast, it was good. Keep it up!

Thanks for the tips!
I can't believe Jake's middle name turned out to be Jack
In the olden days they maried when they were 15 so it isn't a mistake.
but thanks a lot

You're welcome!

Hi there
Okay, so I love the idea. It seems really sweet and romantic, but I didn't like the way you told the story. You just told us everything that happened, really quickly. I would have preferred you described the things as they happened. Maybe start from when Nick and Jane are running away, and he gets shot? Then somehow you can hint at their history.