For a short period of time, I was inspired enough to write down everything of how I wanted the story ends (but couldn't think of how I want to begin my story). I included a brief description of a couple of major characters and brief summary of the beginning (not sure if I should keep the beginning). Technically the segments are individual scenes of the story so don't expect it to "flow" right. The purpose is to critique the work. I also wanted to test the readers to find out what W.A.S stands for. (I want to find out if its obvious or not)
*NOTE: Expect grammatical errors (I may love writing, it doesn't mean I'm good at it, and thanks for the crtique so far)
A story about Kyle Weston, a 16 years old geek from Newton Catholic Highschool. He encounters a troublesome girl named Melissa Kudrow when she is trying to seduce his lunch money from him but he only brings packed lunch. So she takes his lunch box instead. Out of many other things that he could tolerate, Kyle doesn’t like his food taken away from him, so he hurls it back. Many things happened thereafter. He is then ends up hanging out with Melissa even though Melissa already has a boyfriend named Michael Payne.
Michael Payne is a star athlete and ace in academics. He has, however, the inferiority complex therefore picking on geeks, and nerds. He is tall, and fit. He has blond hair and blue eyes.
Kyle Weston is a video game nerd or “otaku”. Though he is a friend to most who encounters him, he is not particularly smart or talented, therefore being picked on by Michael. He also tolerates all of Michael’s antics. For 16 years old, he is shorter than the average male height, straight black hair, and bright brown eyes. He has a hobby of playing guitar.
Melissa “Missy” Kudrow is a troubled teenager. Her mother died of child birth, therefore lives with her father and two older twin brothers. She is quite aggressive and straightforward than Kyle. She is almost as tall as Kyle, short and wavy brunette with unique green-blue eyes. Despite her looks and personality, she excels in academics, and performed well in arts, and physical activities.
Segment 1:
“I wish this would never end,” as she laid her head on his shoulder
“Yeah,” He said softly “Me too”. Then he started picking off soft notes to his guitar, as Melissa falls asleep on his shoulder.
Segment 2:
“Payne, for 3 years, I have tolerated your harassment and for once,” Kyle paused. Michael is giving a sharp expression into Kyle, but Kyle continues, pointing his finger down, “I’ve never thought you would go so low to hit an innocent girl. You are a model student in the school, so act like one!”
Segment 3:
Due to his fragile body, Kyle’s bones are shattered. Michael’s punches broke his left jaw and some of his broken ribs ended up piercing to his guts. His ears were shot. His arms were darkened with bruises. The skin on his face broke, and bled. As soon as Michael and his friends left, the world mourned. Hard rain soon came, washing away the blood Kyle coughed out. To him, the moment feels like an hour.
He is starting to lose his vision. In the last moments of his life, he saw the girl he likes for a long time. He knew its Melissa. She ran up to him and picked up his head from the wet pavement and started cry. ‘Don’t cry,’ Kyle mouths the words but the sharp pain from his jaw makes his lips barely readable.
“Why did you do that?” she sobs. “You’re such an idiot!”
Kyle swallows his pain and starting to talk. “Missy, it’s not like you to cry...”
Melissa still sheds her tears. “You’re a strong girl, and you know that”
“Please Kyle, don’t die!” she takes out her phone and types 911. “See? I’m calling 911 right now!”
The emergency line picks up the phone.
“I need help! My friend’s hurt, he’s beaten up pretty badly and I don’t know what to do!”
The emergency line then asks for the location and she tells it to them. “Please! Hurry!” she then hangs up the phone.
“Missy, please tell my parents that I thank them, for everything.”
“You can say that later, you’re not gonna die here!” She is trying to recover her composure but she couldn’t stop crying. Kyle wants to tell her that he loves her but he knows that it is useless now. He would never be able to be with Melissa anymore.
“Missy?” Kyle groans.
“Yeah?”
“Remember that song I played?”
She nods. Kyle’s vision is starting to give up. He raises his hand and strokes her cheek, weakly wiping off her ever-flowing tears.
“Don’t forget to smile okay? Live your life with a smile...”
He doesn’t feel all the pain anymore. Then he begins to hear the song that he and Melissa shared. He recalls all the events of his life; his childhood, his family, friends, his video games, and more importantly, his time with Melissa. As the song finishes, Kyle gives his last smile. His hand gives in. He then breathes his last, leaving his smile as his last memento to the world.
“Kyle! I love you!” She yells. “You are the better guy for me! Why do you hate me so much?! Why are you such a priest?! “. Kyle doesn’t respond. ”Why don’t you love me back!” She shakes him. “KYLE!” Then she continues to mourn with the rest of the world.
Gender:
Points: 300
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