Young Writers Society

In one way, I didn't want to leave home, it was where I grew up; where I spent my childhood. I loved it, but I couldn't stay there anymore, not with my family not being able to understand me and not trusting me with anything I say.The only person I could tell where I was going was my bestfreind,she'd never tell anyone, where I was or what I was up to, I could trust her with anything!
I slowly walked down the stairs, checking the bottom floor to make sure no one was around to see me. I stepped into the kitchen, it was silent and the surfaces were all clean, the room had the smell of bleach and air freshner lingering in the air. I took a quick look around the living room door, the television was on low and spongebob was on. Then I quickly walked to the bottom of the stairs where I had dumped my bag, grabbed it, slipped it onto my shoulder. I slammed the door, the fresh air - made me feel free like a wild animal.

So far your story is interesting and has a fairly good hook, jumping right into the action!

I wonder about specific reasons about why she/he ran away and where is this person going? What is their best friend like? What is the character's name? Why can't his/her family trust him/her with anything they say? Why does this belong in Romantic Short Stories? This story leaves a lot of questions, but that can be a good thing, especially if you are doing a novel and leaving a cliff hanger at the end of every chapter. Although, this is a short story. Don't worry about it too much though since you seem to be planning to change the story later.

I like your descriptions of the house and there only seems to be a few punctation/comma problems. If you take another look over your work you should be able to spot them. And please put a line in-between paragraphs; it'll be easier to read that way. Normally when a person runs away they are feeling powerful emotions, right? It'd be great if you could describe those feelings. Keep working at it! This is a really good story so far.

Hello Haylie.

I loved it, but I couldn't stay there anymore, not with my family not being able to understand me and not trusting me with anything I said.

The only person I could tell where I was going was my best friend, she'd never tell anyone, where I was or what I was up to Period. I could trust her with anything!

Plot wise, it's missing something. I'm not sure if you meant to write more about this, or not. For example, we know that she's running away because of something that went bad at home, but we have no idea what it is really. Also, we don't know anything about the character. Who she is, or even if it is a girl...

More details on the plot and the characters would be good. Like Sannah said before me, it would be good also to insert some of her thoughts and emotions about her act she's about to do. Was she scared about what was waiting for her outside her house? Glad she was going to leave this behind? Was she ready for the adventure? Happy, tearful, optimistic, relieved, eager, isolated, insecure, anxious, nervous... Lots of emotions she could be feeling at that moment. She could be happy but sad at the same time too. If you make the reader feel like they are leaving home too and whatever the MC is thinking, it would be great.

I would recommend you write a little bit more about this, because it has a lot of potential.

-Other One