Young Writers Society

Psyche

Did I ever have a say in the matter? Did my heart ever choose? I was imprisoned from the beginning. My heart was trapped and wrapped up in a string and you were at the other end of it. It had nowhere to go. You needed only to bide your time, and then pull, and I was yours.
Do I wonder at the inexorable need to be near you? I wish I could resist your gravity. I wish I could release your hold on me. I wish I could shield myself from the arrows you sent my way. But I cannot, I cannot resist the wielder of Love himself. You saw me, chose me, and forevermore my heart is to be your slave.
Dearest, you gave me no options. I do not know what to think of this love; our love. Is it born of the free will and hearts of two individuals, as should be the case; or is it merely the product of you and your devious ways? You play with the emotions of mortals so often that I wonder if you toy with mine as well.
I’ve always dreamed of falling in love. I waited for the day when Cupid would let loose his arrow and find a ready mark in my heart. I did not know it was you, you yourself, who would be there when I opened my eyes. Do you wonder why I doubt you? I had no say in the matter! I had not even gone about the world enough to know whom I like and do not like. It doesn’t matter now, though. You chose for me and I cannot help it: I am in love with you.
I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I detest that I love you because I did not choose to. You wrote my entire love story down for me. I wanted to write a part of it too. You called all the shots. You decided the who, when, where and how. I was only a character that you moved to your will. How do I know that I am not merely deceived into believing the script that you have written down?
How can I trust you? You made me love you. I don’t want to be your puppet on a string. Don’t you want to see what free will would have done to our love story? Wouldn’t you be happier if you knew that if you had let go of my strings, I still would have found my way to you?
You pushed me into love when I should have fallen into it. You pulled me into your arms when I should have walked into your embrace. You shot me with your arrows and took me captive when you should have held out your hand and wooed me.

Dearest, cut your arrow from my heart and let us see if I would still love you.

Haha I love this poem? I liked the ending, it made me smile Keep up the good work, i have nothing bad to say about it!

Wow, very impressive xD I'm not familiar with the story myself, but I thought this was very good, and I don't think it mattered. It was a little short - maybe you could extend it slightly? - but that didn't matter too much, because you showed how much emotion you could convey in such a small piece of writing. I think that this was Psyche writing a letter to Cupid, am I right? Well, wether I'm wrong or right I think you might want to make it a little clearer. I really loved the ending, it was such a CLIFFHANGER XP. I think maybe Psyche should question why Cupid chose her in the first place, what made her so special? And also, you mention that Psyche might of loved Cupid on her own terms, I don't really know the story, so maybe you should make it a little clearer, did they know eachother beforehand? Did she feel anything for him then? All hese thoughts are making me, as the reader, very confused. Other than that it was full of amazingness

Just a few nitpicks,

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:My heart was trapped and wrapped up inastring and you were at the other endof it. It had nowhere to go. You needed only to bide your time, and then pull, and I was yours.

It? do you mean I?
swap these two words around.

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:I wish I could resist your gravity. I wish I could release your hold on me. I wish I could shield myself from the arrows you sent my way.

this would flow more if you replaced the full stops with commas.

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:But I cannot, I cannot resist the wielder of Love himself.

two cannots in the same sentence? I think that may be a double negative. Maybe; "But I cannot, nobody can resist the wielder of Love himself."
Also you might want to change the "But" at the start, some people are picky about starting sentences with connecting words.

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:know it was you, you yourself, who would be there

oh, same sort of thing, remove the "you yourself,".

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:You chose for me

You chose for me? This doesn't quite make sense...

KnightlyAngel09 wrote: I was only a character that you moved to your will

I get a Chess feel when I read this line, maybe change character to pawn?

KnightlyAngel09 wrote: believing the script that you have written down?

A slightly akward line, try; "that you have devised?".

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:Dearest, cut your arrow from my heart and let us see if I would still love you.

<3 this line.

All in all it was a very good piece of work, keep it up!

~Tinkem xD

Gah, I can't stop sneezing O.o

Oh my! Thats was a heart battering reading excursion. That was a great challenge Psyche had imposed to cupid. I didn't imagine and expected that the story will go like this.. hahaha! Good write!

I also wonder how you come up with this story flow. Is it a matter of experience or just your mere imagination? Which is which, it is up to you. I will look forward to other works that you have! GOODLUCK!


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viewtopic.php?t=79136 <---- My newest short story! Please have a read on it.

I am not really familiar with the story but now, I want to go read it. I loved how her tone was something you wouldn't normal hear from a person in love. I am a very anti-person. So when I saw that she really could care less and wanted out of the relationship or imprisonment. I laughed. It was very entertaining and funny. I suggest though you give a little synopsis of the original story for those who haven't read or aren't familiar with it, just as an FYI other than that. Great Job. Keep writing!!

First off: Props for Greek Myths!

I love the way you used Psyche's point of view: You're right, Greek myths are very masculine. I have never thought about the story that way before. It just poses the question: Well? Would you love him? I think she might. I think that her natural curiousity about him is just her way of finding out weather she really loves him or not.

Anyway, your story. I love the way the character shines through the politely worded statement. The reader can just imagine Psyche standing there, looking a little peeved, but trying to keep her temper. Brilliant characterization.

I'd be interested to know Cupid's point of view - not the third person view of the myth, Cupid's.

Anyway, good job. Not your average love story, is it?