Young Writers Society

I walked up to the table and looked at him. Yes, him; the boy I had been in love with for the past two years. With that million dollar smile and great personality, how could I not stare at him?
But I was taken back to reality when she came up. Yes, her; the girl I had been secretly jealous of since we first met two years ago. And now I knew what would happen next. She would come up, they would start talking, and I would suddenly be ignored. This was nothing new. And no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t change it.
But as she sat down she didn’t seem interested in him. I knew she had her days when she didn’t care and didn’t want to talk to him. It wasn’t that she was a mean girl; she just didn’t like him in that way. Today she seemed more interested in talking to her friends.
But he seemed to be trying to get her attention. When I looked down at his hands I found the source. He was holding a plate of hearts in his hands. Yes, hearts. They were small and red. And now I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to give them to her. I looked down sadly and pretended like it didn’t bother me. After all, they were both my friends so I had to put on a show.
It didn’t take long for me to become frustrated and I leave the table. I went to sit on another table, trying to get him out of my head.
But just a little while later he came over, looking rather sad. I looked down at the plate I saw earlier and realized they hearts were now broken. Well, cracked apart would be a better description. Even though I was still mad I couldn’t let him be sad like this, so I asked him what was wrong.
He looked at me with that look in his eyes and told me she didn’t want his hearts. I tried to cheer him up but I was secretly annoyed while saying inside, I told you so.
Then he did something totally unexpected. He looked at me straight in the eyes and said, “I’m sad that she didn’t want them. But do you want them instead?”
I should have said, ‘no way! I’ve given you chance after chance and it’s always been about her!’ But my heart told me something different than my logic.
I found myself smiling and saying, “Of course.”

I liked this.

Sure it was short, but honestly, I don't think anything needs to be added to it. Lots of us have been in similar situations, and we know what it’s like, a ton of detail isn’t necessary. The simplicity of is nice. In my English text book, there is a story that is seventy-two words long, and it’s counted as a short story, so you’re fine.

Keep up the good work!

Joyce

Hello,

I'm in love with this story! Why? Because I've been though the exact same thing. (Except the ending sadly.) I wouldn't change a thing. It's sweet, simple and many can relate... Great job if you ask me!

God Bless,
Amber

I kind of felt like it was a little rushed, and it would've been nice to have a little more of their background and relationship and things along that line, but it was a solid work, I think. The MC character contradicted herself a lot though, with words like "well, actually," and that works as an interesting character quirk, but she does it a lot. I felt like this, overcall, could have a little slower pace, but it was good.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

So like...I really liked this I thought it was good and stuff, but I thought it was kind of weird at the same time, you know? Like the way it was narrated was good, but like I didn't like the "yes him, yes her" part. and I was really confused about him giving her a plate of hearts? Like were they cookies or something or clay i'm just confsed about it!!!!

but yeah it was good

I'll follow you if you follow me!!!

The simplicity of it is nice, but at the same time weird. What I mean is, the fact that is simple and short is good, but the good point make bad points as well. The simplicit causes lack of detail and descrption, and this story needs more of that. it's good short, but that means that there is lack of definintion, lack of demension. Usually when I read I can see it all happening in my head like a 3-D picture, but it was hard for me to see this story. So work on that. I'm saying it's goood, but needs more depth, emotion, and description. Likewe don't even know any of their names. So work on it a little, but's it's good. Really good.

Well it's short. I like how it's essentially talking about one significant thing in the character's life and basically leaving the future open to what may come. It's not all of her time in highschool, it's not all of her resentment at being ignored all the time, but it's enough that you can sympathize and relate.
A bit unrealistic, maybe, but hey, it's fiction. It doesn't have to be realistic...

Sweet! I'm featured! It's only five likes, but I don't care! This just made my week! I've never been featured before!

I liked this a lot. The story line wasn't as original as you could've made it, but it was written fine. My thoughts on the writing were that it did lack detail and description, as some of the others pointed out before me. The fact that there wasn't a whole lot to go on with this made it a little difficult to relate to the main character, but it was easy to follow and understand. I highly suggest going through and adding your own little twists to it. Tweak it so that it's very personal to you. You're a great writer! I would love to read more of your work.
Luxy