Young Writers Society

He--

You know him, I’m sure you do, or someone a lot like him. He’s that guy whose voice always makes you look up in case he’s talking to you. He’s that guy who you can’t stop staring at even when you know he’s looking straight at you. He’s that guy whose every move you tilt to figure out how he feels about you. He’s that guy who never notices you.

Anyway, he was around that day. Not near me, but in my head. I was thinking about him, and wishing I could see him again. I hadn’t seen him in months. I wondered what he was doing. He turned down my friend request. What’s with that? So I was thinking about him, and suddenly I looked up and saw someone else standing there.

I’m sure you know someone else, too. He’s sort of quiet and nice and not really terribly attractive or fascinating, but when you talk to him he turns out to know a lot more than you do, and you always like to give him a hug, but you never really seriously think about him because He is always at the back of your mind.

Now someone else was in front of me, and he gave me a hug and a smile, and we talked for a while, and then when I was going to leave, I saw him looking at me.

I guess you know the rest of the story. After a few months someone else becomes him. The He of 'back then' has a place in your memory, but soon someone else has your whole heart, and then he’s him, only he’s better than him, because he knows you and wants you.

Maybe he’s the only kind of he there should ever be. What do you think?

Hey Elizabeth,
I really, really liked this. You write this beautifully, sincerely, and personally, and that's what made this fun to read (gripping too, I would say). You have a great voice when you write this type of fiction, and I'm usually not into that deep feelings of a teenager genere. In fact, I usually think it's total crap. But not this! xD. I really have no constructive criticizm for you, just keep up the great work.
-Alex

Wonderful job with this, really. It was so simple and sweet. So simple that it made a whole lot of sense, but still wasn't in the least bit boring. I think this is because everyone can read this and relate it to an experience or experiences of their own. The you start reminiscing the past and all that good stuff. So I like what you did here in that sense. I feel you could have possibly done a little more with this, but it's still alright the way it is now, too. And I like the whole "he"/"someone else" concept. I know both ;P
Fantastic work! Keep it all up.

He--

You know him, I’m sure you do, or someone a lot like him. He’s that guy whose voice always makes you look up in case he’s talking to you. He’s that guy who you can’t stop staring at even when you know he’s looking straight at you. He’s that guy whose every move you tilt to figure out how he feels about you. He’s that guy who never notices you.
( nice transition of thought)
Any way, he was around that day. Not near me, but in my head. I was thinking about him, and wishing I could see him again. I hadn’t seen him in months. I wondered what he was doing. He turned down my friend request. What’s with that? So I was thinking about him, and suddenly I looked up and saw someone else standing there.
( again, ditto)
I’m sure you know someone else, too. He’s sort of quiet and nice and not really terribly attractive or fascinating, but when you talk to him he turns out to know a lot more than you do, and (you'd?) like to give him a hug, but you never really seriously think about him because He is always at the back of your mind.

Now someone else was in front of me, and he gave me a hug and a smile, and we talked for a while, and then when I was going to leave, I saw him looking at me.

I guess you know the rest of the story. After a few months someone else becomes him. The He of "back then" has a place in your memory, but soon someone else has your whole heart, and then he’s him, only he’s better than him, because he knows you and wants you.

Maybe he’s the only kind of he there should ever be. What do you think?

I love the piece. Grammatically-it's almost flawless.

The only thing i could suggest is implementing italics or bold(ing) in order to add emotion.
Other than that.
Great!
Keep writing!
--------------
-Jojo

Hey there... This is really sweet story... Something people end up loving

You know him, I’m sure you do, or someone a lot like him. He’s that guy whose voice always makes you look up in case he’s talking to you. He’s that guy who you can’t stop staring at even when you know he’s looking straight at you. He’s that guy whose every move you tilt to figure out how he feels about you. He’s that guy who never notices you

I could totally relate to this part... Because just as you said everyone knows [*]Him[*]. And the ending line-He’s that guy who never notices youis also typically what happens everywhere and what everyone can relate too...

I’m sure you know someone else, too. He’s sort of quiet and nice and not really terribly attractive or fascinating, but when you talk to him he turns out to know a lot more than you do, and you always like to give him a hug, but you never really seriously think about him because He is always at the back of your mind.

This is also something I liked pretty much even though it is damn obvious....

Otherwise I really loved you story... Its just my kinda thing
Keep writing...
Harshita...

I loved this, it's so very... real. Even though it's meant as fiction, there is still a reality check in there too. Great job, really. It's very simple, but expresses so much. I liked it alot.

Hello there.

Any way, he was around that day.

Did you mean Anyway?

I liked this short story. It was short and really sweet. I don't think it needs anymore substance, since it's the simpleness that makes all the story so good. The readers can relate to it directly, and even add names to the first he and the second he. It makes the story personalized to the readers, and I find it really cool.

Keep writing!

-Other One

Wow. I think it's a really beautiful story, the way the shortness compliments the personal feelings. It also get's you thinking of your own special ending and 'what would you do if it was you'.

I absolutely love this short piece. I love how you got the emotion just right so that the reader can relate. I have nothing bad to say about it either. I can relate to this story 100% and I love it that I can. Keep up the good work aand keep writing. You really seem like you know what you are doing.

This was great. It was beautifully written an real. Any teenage girl could easily relate to this, cause I sure did.
Keep writing! (:

Great work! I love this! The story was so real. It's too true. Thanks for this great piece. Keep on writing!

Hey there Mrs Darcy!

I really liked this. I agree with the other reviewers who have said it's relatable and that's what makes it so good. You make it so that the reader can imagine their own 'hes' and 'hims'

You don't over-work any of it either. You write it simply and with such truth that it's really kind of scary how almost everyone finds themselves in this situation

Good job on this!

xDudettex

I loved this! The emotion and inner confusion really came out at the beginning, and it really worked. I also liked that both of the male characters in this piece were namelss, it really makes it easy to relate to. I think this piece is really good, keep up the good work.

Yes, I think we all know that guy. Him, that is.
Well written, Elizabeth! You wrote this story with a lot of sincerety!

Wow, this was amazing. You'd think all the he's and him's would get confussing but I actually knew what you meant the whole time. Just a few gramatical errors but other than that, it was breath taking. The way you used your words and manipulated the situation was great. Everything spoke to me. I could actually think back to when this exact thing happened to me. I have to say well done, I loved this and I think you are extremly talented. I want to read more of your stuff. (:

Love, AnneMarie(: