Young Writers Society

To live without no one is not easy. You are always jealous of the people surrounding you; how they touch, kiss, talk, or even how they eat together. This saddens me immediately, as I watch from afar the incredible lives they have. I'm not talking about relationship-love, but also family-love. I don't like telling people about my family, because I hear myself whine about how my parents doesn't love me and such.

Best of all, I prefer to be completely alone. Without a human being in my eye sight. Be alone in a place where you don't have to worry about it because no one lives there, but plants. You see, I love plants and I could spend an eternity with them.

Right now, I'm on my knees and picking up flowers. The smell is relaxing and sweet. And lonely, but in a good way.

It's afternoon, and I'm planning on not going home tonight. Or ever.

These daisies chain me with their scent, and don't want to let me go. I think I'll make them happy for once, and not leave them anymore.

How I wish I'd met someone...

*

"Missy, what' you doing?"

The leaves dance and the flowers smile. They'd grant my wish...

"I'm picking up flowers, you want to help me?" I stare at a little girl with big reddish eyes, and I feel her hesitate, so I add:
"I know flowers and they know me. Inside them, they say, fairies live in them."

That did it. "Really?! I'd like to help you, but my ma doesn't want me staying out late. How about you come to our house? Do you have a place to stay?"

My appearance made me look like a homeless girl--that I now was. That girl did something to me, and I don't know what, that made me want to hug her. She talked to me.

"Well, not anymore, no. I lost everything." Practically, I wasn't lying.

The little girl extended a hand with small fingers to me, and I took it, leaving a daisy in her hand.

"Why you give me this?"

"It's nothing. It's a flower for another flower."

She blushed and took my hand again. That day started my life again, and some years later she found out my past and what really I'd been thinking on the day we met. But everything turned out just fine...

For the first time.

Sorry I left out something. It's the only chapter... =D

Int'resting.

My problem with this piece is that it's too short. The transition between the MC telling about herself (I'm guessing it's a girl) and the jump to the present was way too abrupt. First she's saying that she likes to be alone, and then, bam, she's picking flowers.

This was pretty short, but I hope it proved helpful anyway.

-Kafka

Hello, Mares!

So I'll start with a few nitpicks I found:

my parents doesn't don't love me and such.

I though this was slightly confusing, so perhaps rephrase it a little:

... because no one lives there, but plants.

They'd have granted my wish...

'Technically seems a better word choice, to be honest:

Practically Technically, I wasn't lying.

There was a change in tense that happened near the end of the story where you switched from present to past tense, so be wary of these sort of problems when writing! It's really easy to fall into past tense when writing in the present. Also, the story was quite short to be a Chapter and it did seemed to lack quite a few things such as description of the setting and what have you. These things are essential to really grip the reader and create images that bring your story to life!

Overall, I thought this was quite interesting and I would like to know more. You really just need to work on it more by adding more description to balance out the pace of the story as what Kafka says it true: it does seem too abrupt and rushed. It has good potential though, so keep writing!

Thien

Hello there.

I'm not going to do nitpicking on this, since Thien already did most of it.
Plot wise, it missing something. It's way too short and we need just a little bit more substance. She's saying, in the first part, that she wants to be alone, but then she wishes she'd meet someone? I'd find it more believable if she would be thinking about all the others, people who are not alone. And then, wish she's meet someone.
What happened? Why was she alone? Care to explain a little bit? If you want to keep it open to our imagination, then you could give us a little bit of details, not saying it all to us. But we are curious about what happened and we 'need' to know.

Overall, great job. This story has a lot of potential!

-Other One