Young Writers Society

Eternally Yours
By: Colleen Tucker

You went to my grave today and I listened to your every word. I listened as you poured your heart out to me as you had done so many times before. You began with a simple memory, the memory of the black silk roses you’d brought with you.
“Hey baby, it’s me. I brought the roses again. You always did like these silk ones better than the real roses. Do you remember the first time I brought them to you?”
Of course I remembered that. How could I forget that day? It had been our first date, and we were both nervous. You were the most popular guy in our small town and I was the girl everybody loved to hate. I hadn’t always been hated by everyone, of course. In fact, I wasn’t the reason that everyone hated me. No, it was my sister’s fault. My twin sister Raven was the one that killed your brother and she’s the one that brought shame to the both of us. I didn’t get it. Why was I hated for something I didn’t even do? But, of course, my thoughts didn’t matter. Everyone hated me for my sister’s actions. Everyone but you.
You stopped speaking and I realize that your mind has taken you back to the day you told me you loved me for the first time. I stare into your beautiful green eyes, letting my mind drift back as well...
***FLASHBACK***

The whole school is talking about my sister. They’re all angry at her for murdering Lance Knight. I can’t say I blame them. My sister is the world’s most self-absorbed witch and I have always hated her. She’s behind bars in Opal City Jail awaiting trial at the moment.
I haven’t noticed the way people have been glaring at me lately. It’s as though they think I’m the one that killed Lance. I’m ignoring them the way Raven always did. It doesn’t seem to be working, though, because they all keep glaring. I turn my face away from the crowd of high school students to stare out of the cafeteria window.
Someone sits down on the bench beside me and I look around to see you sitting next to me. My first thought is that you’re here to yell at me for letting Raven do such an awful thing. But when you speak, I know that I’ve gotten it wrong.
“Hey Roslynn.” you greet me, staring into my eyes.
“Hey Liam.” Is all I can say.
“What’s wrong?” you whisper, your eyes locking with mine the way they always do when I’m upset.
“Everyone is acting like I killed Lance. They all keep glaring at me like it’s my fault Raven did what she did.”
“I don’t blame you for it. Lance deserved what he got after what he did to her. My brother was a sick bastard that deserved everything he got. He raped three girls and got away with it because my father won’t put him in jail. He was his father’s son all right and I’m not sorry he’s dead. Lance was starting to become our dad. Dad started out just like he did and look what he does now. Instead of...doing my mom he does me. If Raven hadn’t have killed him, he would have ended up just like dad. The only difference would have been that Lance would have ended up behind bars instead of as the town judge. So don’t blame your sister, please, ‘cause Lance got what was comin’ to him.”
“I don’t really blame her. It’s just that everyone in school keeps staring at me like I’m some sort of murderer or something.” I whispered, staring at the floor.
“Then they’re stupid because you are the complete opposite of Raven. You are beautiful, smart, and kind. She, although she had every right to kill my brother, was quite honestly a bitch.”
Before I could answer, your girlfriend at the time walked over to us. She, like everyone else in school, glared at me. Sitting down on your lap she wrapped an arm around your neck and spoke just loud enough for me to hear.
“Why are you sitting with the murderer?” Lindsay asked.
“She’s NOT a murderer.”
“No, but her sister is. And if her sister can murder someone, then so can she. I don’t want my boyfriend being murdered.”
“Then I guess I’m not your boyfriend anymore.”
“Liam that’s not fair!”
“Yes it is. Now get away from me.”
“You’re going to pick her over your girlfriend? You’re gonna pick a girl that barely even knows you over the girl that’s never left your side?”
“She’s the one that has never left my side. Have you forgotten every time my dad molests me? Who’s the one that comes over the second I need her? Roslynn is! You tell me to ‘calm down’ and to ‘wait it out.’ If it weren’t for Roslynn, I’d be dead by now! Now get the fuck away from me before I make you!” you yell.
“Fine.” she whispers, her voice angry.
When she walks away you sit back down next to me and pull me into your arms. I rest my head against your chest, feeling your heart thump. When I pull back, you whisper three words in my ear.
“I love you Roslynn Diamond.”
“I love you too Liam Knight.”
***END FLASHBACK***

Your eyes cleared as the memory faded from your mind. When you looked down at my headstone, your eyes were shining with tears. I longed to be able to wrap my arms around you, to wipe the tears from your cheeks. But all I could do was listen to you.
“I miss you so much Roslynn. It’s like a part of me died with you. You’d tell me that what I just said was totally cliche and to never say it again but it’s true. I never expected to feel this way about anyone but, then again, I never really loved anyone either. I love you so much more than I ever thought possible and I cannot go on without you here! My mom has me going to see a stupid therapist and she keeps telling me that I loved you too much. She keeps telling me that I’m not supposed to love you as much as I do but she’s wrong damn it! Who the hell is she to tell me how to love you? She’s not me! All this rubbish she keeps telling me about ‘appropriate love’ can be flushed down the fuckin’ toilet for all I care because she doesn’t know you! She’ll never know you!” you scream, tears pouring from your eyes.
‘Stupid woman.’ I find myself thinking. She obviously doesn’t know you at all. If she knew you even a little bit, she’d know that I was the only person you loved. But, then again, you’ve always hated therapists. You say they’re not worth the money. My attention focuses back on you as you begin speaking again.
“I hate Lindsay for pushing you off of that cliff. Everyone does. People at school call her the murderess now. I just wish you were here to see it. You’d find it funny, I think. She went to trial yesterday and her boyfriend testified against her. She was found guilty and sentenced to life without parole. She deserved the death penalty for killing you.”
More tears pour down your face as you picture the way my corpse looked when they pulled it from the river. I find myself hating Lindsay with every fiber of my being. Not for what she did to me but for causing you this pain. She does deserve the death penalty.
“You’re probably wondering why I came here at midnight instead of at noon like I usually come. You’re gonna get mad at me for this, but I’ve come to join you. I can’t do this without you anymore Ros, I just can’t! I don’t even care if they all say that I love you too much or that I over reacted because they don’t know what goes on in my head every day! I love you Ros. I hope you’re waiting for me.”
I want to scream at you to put the gun down but, of course you can’t hear me. You lay on my grave, pulling on the black suit coat, and grabbbing the silk roses. Pressing the roses to your chest you put the gun to your temple and pull the trigger. In a matter of seconds, your spirit is standing in front of mine. Tears fill my eyes as I take in the sight of your face.
I’m desperately trying to be angry at you for doing this, but I can’t pull it off. Not when you’re pulling me into your arms, wiping the tears away, I can’t.
“You’re still the most beautiful girl in the universe.” you whisper, brushing a strand of my long black hair.
“I love you Liam.” I find myself whispering back.
“I’m sorry for doing that but I couldn’t go through the rest of my life without you.”
“I don’t blame you. I couldn’t have done it either.”
“I love you.” you whisper, touching my lips gently to yours.
“You do love theatrics, don’t you? Any other boy would have done this in his room. But you get all dressed up just to take your life.”
“I wanted to look good when I saw you again.”
“You would have looked good if you had died in rags.”
“Of course you’d say that.”
“It’s my job. Do you see that light?”
“I do. I think it’s for us.”
Picking me up, you carry me into the lights of Heaven. I rest my head against your chest, feeling safe in your arms. We’re going to be together for all eternity now. The thought brings a smile to my lips. You kiss my lips passionately as we cross Heaven’s threshold.

The End

-------------------------------------------------------------------
This is a re-write of Forever Yours. I added quite a bit to it. I changed the title to this one because I wanted it to be different from the last. I hope you like it!
- Shad

Wow.... That's the only word I can think to describe this, is just.... wow. I was near tears by the end of it. It' so sad, yet beautiful at the same time. I have not read the original story but this one is amazing... simply amazing.

This seems so unrealistic. And too...out there? I mean if a persons father molested his kid, the kid wouldn't blab it 'round school like that. I don't even think they would say anything at all. They would defiantly not be so out right about it.

I think this would be better if you expanded it more, and didn't make it a 'short story', as such. I'm not trying to be mean, or put you down, 'cause I know how it feels when you get a disappointing review. But I just wasn't getting into it. I found myself wanting to roll my eyes at some points because of the unreleastic feel. I read your other version of this, and I have to say I liked it alot better. I adored your other version. It was quick and to the point. I understand here you are trying to expand and get a background on the characters? I don't know. There just seems to be so much going on in one short piece.

Don't get me wrong, I think you have real talent. You captured the emotion both characters felt towards each other. That was great. I just think there's too much going on.

If you need anything else just PM me. (:
I'm reallly not as mean as I may of sounded here, I hope I didn't.
Born.

First off, real tears here. Ugh, heartbreaking tear-jerking stuff. It's a really, really sad story, and I enjoyed it. (That sounds so weird...but it's true.) I thought it was interesting how she heard him when he talked to her. Though I have to mentally put it in another theological universe to do so, I liked them being together at the end too.

How can a story full of death and rape and molestation and hate and evil be...a nice read? Well done.

Now.

Sigh. What to say? Do people talk like that? Do you know people that talk like that? Obviously, dialogue makes things easier to express. And sometimes it works better than narration. And it gives it a bit of a different feel than most Romantic short stories, which express everything in narration, and which can get really gushy. But people...don't talk like that. It's too spiffy.

Maybe it's just me, but they seem to go from being too eloquent to too abrupt. The sentences have all this shocking, sad stuff, and all this raw emotion, but they're choppy and all about the same length. "I hate her. She pushed you over a cliff. Everyone calls her a murderess. I wish you were here. You'd find it funny." I know it's a paraphrase, but it feels kind of telegraphic in parts.

I can never get my characters to talk like people, or at least how people would talk if they could keep one train of thought going long enough to complete a grammatical sentence. But try to listen to real people having a real dialogue.

Most of the other things that irritated me is just stuff that would irritate me in my own writing--mostly stylistic. So I'm not going to burden you with them. Good, if sad, and interesting, if abrupt. *dries eyes* *sniffles*

WOW!!! OMG! As i am writing this i am like crying. This is so beautiful! (i think my boyfriend thinks if gone crazy) but i dont care! I love this. I can't nitpick this because I'm like crying. Keep writing!!
-Qoh16