Young Writers Society

Forever Yours
By: Colleen Tucker

You went to my grave today and I listened to every word you said. You put black roses there for me, the same kind you always bought me when I was alive. I watched as you broke into a million pieces right in front of me. When I saw your tears I remember thinking that you must have meant it when you told me you loved me because you were never one to show your emotions. You had always been the strong one, the typical teenage boy, and I was shocked when I realized that you were crying over me. 'What people in school wouldn't give to see you cry.' I thought. And then I realized that it wouldn't matter to you what they said anymore. After all, it had been some of those very people in our school that had killed me.
I listened as you told me that you were sorry, that you should've been there that night. And I wished I could've told you that it wasn't your fault. You weren't the one that pushed me into the river and watched me drown. I wanted to scream at you, to tell you that it was their fault. Those jealous teenage girls had been the ones to push me over the cliff and into the waters of the river, not you. I know you'd never hurt me like that. You loved me. You still love me. I didn't realize that at the time, but it's as clear as day to me now.
You took out a gun and raised it to your temple. It took only a few words for you to tell me what you had planned to do. By the time you pulled the trigger I knew that your human life was over. And I wanted to be mad at you for doing it but I couldn't be. The moment your spirit appeared next to mine on my grave I couldn't help but to smile at you. You took a lock of hair that had fallen into my eyes and brushed it back behind my ear. You told me that you were going to spend eternity with me and I smiled as we walked through Heaven's pearly gates hand-in-hand.I saw the headlines that our small town put in the paper after your death. They made me smile because they showed just how much you really love me. The Headlines all read:
Popular Football Player Kills Himself On The Grave Of Unpopular High School Girl That Was Murdered Last Summer
You're smiling at me now and my knees are going weak. Who knew that the most popular guy in school would someday fall in love with the school's least popular girl? There aren't many but I can guarantee that we'd be in that category. You kiss me as Heaven's Gates open to reveal the light of our forever.

The End
- Colleen Tucker
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Hey guys, I hope you like this one! It was just something I wrote for fun and after reading it over I decided to post it. R&R!

Hello there.

I'll begin my review with the nitpicks and then go on with my overall impression.

You put black roses there for me, the same kind you always bought me when I was alive.

Do these actually exist? :O

When I saw your tears I remembered thinking that you must have meant it when you told me you loved me because you were never one to show your emotions.

'What people in school would give to see you cry comma' I thought.

Shouldn't it be what they would give?

First, I have to say that this is very cliche. Popular guy that loves a girl that isn't. He commits suicide because he loves her too much... You can find something more, to make this story your own. Although I think this story is far from original, I liked how you wrote it and the details you put in there. I have a little suggestion for you. You could actually make him talk to her, show us the monologue. Make the girl want to answer, maybe even talking in her head, but he can't hear her. Make her go angry at him and scream, but he just continues, 'ignoring' her? That would add more emotions to your story.

This is a great beginning and I think you could do something absolutely breath taking with what you've got right now. Keep writing!

-Other One

Thanks. The "black roses" are actually just fake roses. I just liked the idea of them
I'm in the process of rewriting it as we speak, actually. This is the first copy of it. In the second (and final) version, you will get to hear his words. She doesn't get mad at him, though, she just sort of begs him to stop. I changed quite a bit of stuff in the second version. I just wanted to post this to show everyone what sparked the ideas for the second.

I usually oppose stories like this (about murder and suicide and that) but nice job. I like the idea of black roses.

My comment: the newspaper title is too long. xD

Very good.

Hi!
Wow that was really beautiful.
I admire your detailed way of writing.
You did a brilliant job.
I enjoyed reading it a lot.
Thanks for posting it!