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Juliet



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Gender: Female
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Fri Feb 04, 2011 5:48 am
Adeera says...



first off i got this idea from a challenge a friend of mine gave me. 3 years ago i had played the part of Juliet in our local theaters production of "romeo and Juliet" so i figured i would write something about it. enjoy!



“For never was there a story of more woe
than this of Juliet and her Romeo.”

The point of Tybalt's rapier was mere inches from Romeo's chest. Though I knew it was a vision of ghosts I could not stand and watch my love die by the hand of my late cousin.
“Stay Tybalt, stay!” I screamed. I then took up the sleeping draft and after whispering words of love to my Romeo, I drained the vial. The taste was terrible and I almost spit it out, but the thought of marrying Paris overcame the taste and I swallowed. Sleep quickly covered me and all was peaceful for the first time that day.
The sleep was restful and deep. I dreamt of Romeo and the first time our hands touched. I dreamt about our wedding. I dreamt about the moment when this potion would release me and I would wake in the arms of my husband. I dreamt of how we would live the rest of our lives hand in hand. So happy. So in love. So perfect. The nightmares didn't start until I awoke.
Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could see the corpses of my ancestors long since dead. Fear choked me and I felt I would suffocate in that grave. I turned in surprise when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Friar Lawrence was standing there with a lantern in hand the light from the flame and the familiar face calmed me. But something was wrong, he was panicked.
I asked him where Romeo was. The potion was clouding my mind and I heard his response as a jumble of shattering words. “. . . hear some noise. . . come . . .nest of death . . . unnatural sleep . . .thwarted our intents . . .husband . . . lies dead . . . Paris too . . .”
A feeling colder than ice ripped at my heart. I turned on the death bed and saw Romeo. His body lay on the stone floor. Unmoving. My mind had cleared and I heard the last words of the Friar.
“Come, go, good Juliet; I dare no longer stay,” His voice was torn with fear. He must have gone mad to think I would leave Romeo. Facing him I said, “Go, get thee hence, for I will not away.”
He looked at me once more, his face pleading. I shook my head, and he ran from the tomb.
I dropped to my knees on the, cold, ground next to Romeo. my tears flowed as I brushed hair away from his eyes and held his hand . . . his hand. There was something in his hand. I gently pulled back his fingers and saw the cup. He had poisoned himself. Bring the cup to my lips I desperately I tried draining whatever contents remained, but there was nothing. Throwing the cup aside I shouted at Romeo's corpse:
“O churl' drunk all, and left no friendly drop to help me after?” I kissed him in hope that there would be a trickle of poison left on his lips. Nothing was there but warmth.
Despairingly I embraced Romeo, weeping and praying that this was all a dream.
“Lead boy: which way?” I jumped at the sound of the watchman. I had run out of time.
Quickly, I snatched up the dagger at Romeo's belt, unsheathed it, and rested the tip on my heart. Everything slowed to where I could feel and hear every part of my body, every thump of my heart and every chill up my spine, each breath came slow and steady.
From outside the tomb I could see the flicker of torch light as the watchman came ever closer. I spoke my last words aloud, “O happy dagger! this is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die.” I felt the pressure build in my arms as they pushed the blade into my chest. Breath was ripped from my lungs and my whole body shook. The pain was blinding as I continued to press. Too weak to kneel upright I fell on Romeo's body. My blood covering us both. Just happy to be near him; I smiled and my eyes closed for the last time.

Author's note: tell me what i can fix guys! and if you could help me out with the Grammar that would rock. i know it sucks. thanks.
Last edited by Adeera on Wed Feb 09, 2011 4:25 am, edited 3 times in total.
The talent of an amazing writer, they can convey any emotion, make you feel thing's you've never felt, and help you understand that which you thought you never would.

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Fri Feb 04, 2011 7:44 am
Jennya says...



Hey, i quite liked this. It was true to the original, I like how Romeo dies before Juliet awakes. I like your style but it's a bit plain to me because i like flowery metaphors and descriptions but don't get me wrong this is not a problem. I'm currently trying to tone that all down. Although there where so issues with the spelling and grammar, I'm no expert so i probably can only point out some theses mistakes.

this of Juliet and her romeo
You tend to forget capitals.

the moment we would run away together far from Verona
I don't think Juliet would have wanted to leave Verona walls. "There is no world without Verona walls. But purgatory, torture, hell itself. Hence “banishèd” is banished from the world,And world’s exile is death. Then “banishèd,” To Romeo and probably Juliet leaving Verona would have been seen as something terrible.

stay.” his voice was torn with fear
Maybe try a comma, but I'm not the best with grammar.

I shouted at Romeo's corps.
Spelling.

Romeo, weeping and Praying that this was all a dream.
Unnecessary capital letter.

Romeo's body. my blood covering us both.
Forgotten capital.

That was all i could find. Good work anyway!
Stay gold, Ponyboy - S.E. Hinton
  





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Sat Feb 05, 2011 3:03 am
HarpoMarx says...



The point of Tybalt's rapier was mere inches from Romeo's chest. Though I knew it was a vision of ghosts I could not stand and watch my love die by the hand of my late cousin.

“Stay Tybalt, stay!” I screamed. I then took up the sleeping draft and after whispering words of love to my Romeo, I drained the vial. The taste was terrible and I almost spit it out, but the thought of marrying Paris overcame the taste and I swallowed. Sleep quickly covered me and all was peaceful for the first time that day.

The sleep was restful and deep. I dreamed dreamtthis should used for all of them in this paragraph of Romeo and the first time our hands touched. I dreamed about our wedding. I dreamed about the moment when this potion would release me and I would wake in the arms of my husband. I dreamed about the moment we would run away together far from Verona, and how we would live the rest of our lives hand in hand. So happy. So in love. So perfect.

The nightmares didn't start until I awoke. this should be up ^ there with that paragraph

The darkness of the tomb was the first thing that greeted my eyes, then the corpses of my ancestors long since dead. I'm confused with the underlined partFear choked me and I felt I would suffocate in that grave. I turned in surprise when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Friar Lawrence was standing there with a lantern in hand the light from the flame and the familiar face calmed me. But something was wrong, he was panicked.

I asked him where Romeo was. The potion was clouding my mind and I heard his response as a jumble of shattering words.

this should be up there ^“. . . hear some noise. . . come . . .nest of death . . . unnatural sleep . . .thwarted our intents . . .husband . . . lies dead . . . Paris too . . .”

a capitalfeeling colder than ice ripped at my heart. I turned on the death bed and saw Romeo. His body lay on the stone floor. Unmoving.

My mind had cleared and I heard the last words of the Friar. Up ^ there

“Come, go, good Juliet; I dare no longer stay.”2 things at the end of the speech you should have a comma and also the "his" should be a capital the H his voice was torn with fear. He must have gone mad to think I would leave Romeo. Facing him I said

“Go, get thee hence, for I will not away.” This should be up there ^ and after the 'said' there should be a comma

he capital looked at me once more, his face pleading. I shook my head, and he ran from the tomb.

I dropped to my knees on the, cold, ground next to Romeo. my tears flowed as I brushed hair away from his eyes and held his hand . . . his hand. There was something in his hand. I gently pulled back his fingers and saw the cup. He had poisoned himself. Bring the cup to my lips I desperately I tried draining whatever contents remained, but there was nothing. Throwing the cup aside I shouted at Romeo's corps. hmm what does she shout at him?

o capitalchurl' drunk all, and left no friendly drop to help me after?” I kissed him in hopes I kissed him in HOPE there should be no sthat there would be a trickle of poison left on his lips. Nothing was there but warmth.

Despairingly I embraced Romeo, weeping and praying that this was all a dream.

leadcapital boy: which way?” I jumped at the sound of the Watchman lower case w in watchman. I had run out of time.

Quickly, I snatched up the Dagger lowercase dat from Romeo's belt, unsheathed it, and rested the tip on my heart. Everything slowed to where I could feel and hear every part of my body, every thump of my heart and every chill up my spine, each breath came slow and steady.

From outside the tomb I could see the flicker of torch light as the Watchman came ever closer. I spoke my last words aloud,

“O happy dagger! this is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die.” this should be up ^ here I felt the pressure build in my arms as they pushed the blade into my chest. Breath was ripped from my lungs and my whole body shook. The pain was blinding as I continued to press. Too weak to kneel upright I fell on Romeo's body. My blood covering us both.

Just happy to be near him; I smiled and my eyes closed for the last time. This should be up here^

Author's note: tell me what i can fix guys! and if you could help me out with the Grammar that would rock. i know it sucks. thanks.
fantastic! I like it- have a look at the changes and tell me if they help.
  





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Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:37 am
HarpoMarx says...



The point of Tybalt's rapier was mere inches from Romeo's chest. Though I knew it was a vision of ghosts I could not stand and watch my love die by the hand of my late cousin.

“Stay Tybalt, stay!” I screamed. I then took up the sleeping draft and after whispering words of love to my Romeo, I drained the vial. The taste was terrible and I almost spit it out, but the thought of marrying Paris overcame the taste and I swallowed. Sleep quickly covered me and all was peaceful for the first time that day.

The sleep was restful and deep. I dreamt of Romeo and the first time our hands touched. I dreamt about our wedding. I dreamt about the moment when this potion would release me and I would wake in the arms of my husband. I dreamt of how we would live the rest of our lives hand in hand. So happy. So in love. So perfect. The nightmares didn't start until I awoke.

Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could see the corpses of my ancestors long since dead. Fear choked me and I felt I would suffocate in that grave. I turned in surprise when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Friar Lawrence was standing there with a lantern in hand the light from the flame and the familiar face calmed me. But something was wrong, he was panicked.

I asked him where Romeo was. The potion was clouding my mind and I heard his response as a jumble of shattering words. “. . . hear some noise. . . come . . .nest of death . . . unnatural sleep . . .thwarted our intents . . .husband . . . lies dead . . . Paris too . . .”

A feeling colder than ice ripped at my heart. I turned on the death bed and saw Romeo. His body lay on the stone floor. Unmoving. My mind had cleared and I heard the last words of the Friar.

“Come, go, good Juliet; I dare no longer stay,” His voice was torn with fear. He must have gone mad to think I would leave Romeo. Facing him I said, “Go, get thee hence, for I will not away.” This should be down on it's own.... :( :)

He looked at me once more, his face pleading. I shook my head, and he ran from the tomb. Should this be down there on that paragraph?

I dropped to my knees on the, cold, ground next to Romeo. my tears flowed as I brushed hair away from his eyes and held his hand . . . his hand. There was something in his hand. I gently pulled back his fingers and saw the cup. He had poisoned himself. Bring the cup to my lips I desperately I tried draining whatever contents remained, but there was nothing. Throwing the cup aside I shouted at Romeo's corpse:

“O churl' drunk all, and left no friendly drop to help me after?” I kissed him in hope that there would be a trickle of poison left on his lips. Nothing was there but warmth.

Despairingly I embraced Romeo, weeping and praying that this was all a dream. Just thought that this should be up there^.

“Lead boy: which way?” I jumped at the sound of the watchman. I had run out of time.

Quickly, I snatched up the dagger at Romeo's belt, unsheathed it, and rested the tip on my heart. Everything slowed to where I could feel and hear every part of my body, every thump of my heart and every chill up my spine, each breath came slow and steady.

From outside the tomb I could see the flicker of torch light as the watchman came ever closer. I spoke my last words aloud, “O happy dagger! this There should be a capital on the This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die.” I felt the pressure build in my arms as they pushed the blade into my chest. Breath was ripped from my lungs and my whole body shook. The pain was blinding as I continued to press. Too weak to kneel upright I fell on Romeo's body. My blood covering us both. Just happy to be near him; I smiled and my eyes closed for the last time.

Okay good work I think that there is still room for improvements and changes. Another thing is the dying bit thingo at the end- it's good but wouldn't she die almost automatically? (Or are you doing the classic Shakespeare thing and having a 10 minute dying scene... no offence to both of you!) She could of course stab herself in the intestines and bleed to death... Good work darlin'!
  








Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
— Euripides