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Piece Of Perfection



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160 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1595
Reviews: 160
Fri Jan 14, 2011 12:35 am
LilySoulMahon says...



Ok, not my strongest piece but had a lot of writers block. Plus I dont know if you count this as romantic or not. Anyway hope you enjoy! :)

Everyone has a perfect guy or girl. Someone they base their partners around. Someone who they long for each day and pray will soon turn up. Most people never find their dream partner and have to deal with a substitute. Sometimes this person is better, or sometimes this person is what you have chosen as second best. However, no-one completely stops looking for that piece of perfection.
Up to the age of fourteen, guys didn't mean much to me. I had guy friends, but I was certainly never attracted to them. My life revolved around the computer. On the internet I could be whoever I wanted to be. I could be my own age or older. I could look whatever way I wanted to look. I could be an amazing person everyone wanted to know, instead of the person everyone avoided. In school I was a no-body. On the internet I was known.
Each day blurred into one back then. However, I remember one night very clearly. The night I changed myself for him. It was just a typical day for me. A rubbish day of school followed by a race home and the buzz of the computer being braught to life. Everything passed quickly when I was online. Sunsets went by without me noticing. The stars started their dance in the night sky. The moon raised its head and let a spotlight fall upon the human race. I was oblivious. However, as midnight rolled by my eyes started to drop and I was taken away to the dream world. Thats where I met him.
I was sat in a pitch black room. Panic flowed through me as I ran into wall after wall with no escape. I was terrorfied of the dark. Tears started to appear in my eyes, then a lone mirror appeared in the far corner. It was emitting a quiet buzzing noise and I couldn't help but to be drawn towards it. My hand raised and I felt at peace. My previous panic was gone. I felt safe. Then my fingers connected with the mirror and I was consumed by light.
My eyes opened and I first noticed a pair of bright green eyes staring back at mine. They were illuminus. But they were also filled with shock. I looked down and I found myself sitting facing him, on his knee. When my attention lifted back up, I could see a slightly softer look on his face, which was a pale white. Black hair fell past his ears and it seemed to glisten in the dull light of his room. A lazy smile lay upon his face and a silver nose ring curved out his left nostril. I smiled at him as he began to blush at my gaze.
I tried to speak but no words came out of my mouth and he did the same. This part of the dream was silent. A wave of distress swept over me, but he soon calmed me with a kiss on my lips. His lips were soft and warm. They seemed to leave me weak. Drained. Like he was sucking out my lifeforce. Problem was I loved it. I pulled him closer to me and kissed him back. He was my first kiss. This felt so real. I felt his hands glide over me. They left me untouched yet stripped bare. I rested my hand on his arm and felt a small amount of muscle bulge from under his black and purple jumper.
Then the world started to shake. My eyes snapped open and I tried to speak again. Still no sound. I felt like crying. I reached for his hand while he reached for mine. I could see distress on his face. He seemed to be getting further away. I screamed silent cries as I tried to reach him. I closed my eyes again. Then when they opened I was sat back in my chair. I was alone.
The sun was rising as I glanced out the window. A tear fell down my cheek, as I moved from my computer to the bed and curled into a ball wanting to join the dream world once more. I couldn't sleep. The day started and I just lay there. Then my phone recieved a text. Normally i'd never answer it, but this time I did. It was an invitation to go to the cinema in town, with one of my friends. I accepted which was something I never normally did. Normally I would have rather spent my time online with virtual friends.
Since then I have never really touched my computer and it has been two years. I now watch each face in search of those glorious green eyes. They still havent appeared. It may have only been a dream, but to me it was so real. I know somewhere out there he's waiting. I will be there when he is ready. I just hope my dream guy feels the same, since he is the guy I will never stop hoping for.
...The Emptiness Will Haunt You...
  





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96 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1573
Reviews: 96
Sat Jan 15, 2011 4:36 pm
tinkembell says...



Wow, very impressive, i really liked the feel of the story,
The ending was my favourite part :)
LilySoulMahon wrote:The sun was rising as I glanced out the window. A tear fell down my cheek, as I moved from my computer to the bed and curled into a ball wanting to join the dream world once more. I couldn't sleep. The day started and I just lay there. Then my phone recieved a text. Normally i'd never answer it, but this time I did. It was an invitation to go to the cinema in town, with one of my friends. I accepted which was something I never normally did. Normally I would have rather spent my time online with virtual friends.
Since then I have never really touched my computer and it has been two years. I now watch each face in search of those glorious green eyes. They still havent appeared. It may have only been a dream, but to me it was so real. I know somewhere out there he's waiting. I will be there when he is ready. I just hope my dream guy feels the same, since he is the guy I will never stop hoping for.
"The rabbit always squeals in the jaws of the fox, but when has another rabbit ever rushed up to save it?" Damon Salvatore
;'( please, my lump, he just needs HUGS <3
Need a review? Just ask :)
Just keep writing, just keep writing, do-do-do-do-do
  





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229 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 10997
Reviews: 229
Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:36 pm
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TheTruthLiesWithin says...



LilySoulMahon wrote:Ok, not my strongest piece but had a lot of writers block. Plus I dont know if you count this as romantic or not. Anyway hope you enjoy! :)

Everyone has a perfect guy or girl. Someone they base their partners around. Someone who they long for each day, comma and pray will soon turn up. Most people never find their dream partner and have to deal with a substitute. Sometimes this person is better, or sometimes this person is what you have chosen as second best. However, no-one completely stops looking for that piece of perfection.
Up to the age of fourteen, guys didn't mean much to me. I had guy friends, but I was certainly never attracted to them. My life revolved around the computer. On the internet, comma I could be whoever I wanted to be. I could be my own age, comma or older. I could look whatever way I wanted to look. I could be an amazing person everyone wanted to know, instead of the person everyone avoided. In school I was a nobody. On the internet I was known.
Each day blurred into one, comma back then. However, I remember one night very clearly. The night I changed myself for him. Are you refferring tp 'Him' as a name, if yes, it should be capitalized. It was just a typical day for me. A rubbish day of school, comma followed by a race home and the buzz of the computer being braught to life. Everything passed quickly when I was online. Sunsets went by without me noticing, comma the stars started their dance in the night sky, comma and the moon raised its head and let a spotlight fall upon the human race. I was oblivious. However, as midnight rolled by my eyes started to drop, comma and I was taken away to the dream world. That's where I met him.
I was sitting in a pitch black room. Panic flowed through me as I ran into wall after wall, comma with no escape. I was terrified of the dark. Tears started to appear in my eyes then, comma a lone mirror appeared in the far corner. It was emitting a quiet buzzing noise and I couldn't help but to be drawn towards it. My hand raised and I felt at peace. My previous panic was gone. I felt safe. Then my fingers connected with the mirror and I was consumed by light.
My eyes opened and I first noticed a pair of bright green eyes, comma staring back at mine. They were illuminous, comma But they were also filled with shock. I looked down and I found myself sitting, comma facing him, on his knee. When my attention lifted back up, I could see a slightly softer look on his face, which was a pale white. Black hair fell past his ears and it seemed to glisten in the dull light of his room. A lazy smile lay upon his face and a silver nose ring curved out his left nostril. I smiled at him as he began to blush under my gaze.
I tried to speak, comma but no words came out of my mouth and he did the same. This part of the dream was silent. A wave of distress swept over me, but he soon calmed me with a kiss on my lips. His lips were soft and warm. They seemed to leave me weak. Drained. Like he was sucking out my lifeforce. The problem was that I loved it. I pulled him closer to me and kissed him back. He was my first kiss, comma it felt so real. I felt his hands glide over me. They left me untouched, comma yet stripped bare. I rested my hand on his arm and felt a small amount of muscle bulge from under his black and purple jumper.
Then the world started to shake. My eyes snapped open and I tried to speak again. Still no sound. I felt like crying. I reached for his hand while he reached for mine. I could see distress on his face. He seemed to be getting further away. I screamed silent cries as I tried to reach him. I closed my eyes again. Then when they opened, comma I was sitting back in my chair, comma and I was alone.
The sun was rising as I glanced out the window. A tear fell down my cheek, as I moved from my computer to the bed and curled into a ball, comma wanting to join the dream world once more. I couldn't sleep. The day started and I just lay there. Then my phone recieved a text. Normally I'd never answer it, but this time I did. It was an invitation to go to the cinema in town, with one of my friends. I accepted which was something I never normally did. Normally I would have rather spent my time online with virtual friends.
Since then I have never really touched my computer and it has been two years. I now watch each face in search of those glorious green eyes. They still haven't appeared. It may have only been a dream, but to me it was so real. I know somewhere out there he's waiting. I will be there when he is ready. I just hope my dream guy feels the same, since he is the guy I will never stop hoping for.


Overall, this is really good. Quite an amazing piece for someone who has been in a writer's block! This story definitly falls into the romantic category, seeing it has all the elements (seperation/reunion/seperation, search for perfection, conflicted characters...)
It was really sweet :) I liked it very much. Keep on writing!

-Truth-
.- <3 -.
  





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498 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 22451
Reviews: 498
Mon Jan 31, 2011 12:04 am
theotherone says...



Hello there. :)

Wow, impressive story. I love it! It makes me think about myself a lot. I use to fall asleep at night thinking about a guy that I 'created', so I could dream about him... Sounds pretty lame, but really, it was all I had. Now, I don't do it anymore, of course. :) Anyways, all of this to tell you I can somehow relate to your MC. ;)

I think Truth here already corrected the nitpicks I found, so I won't say anything about that. :)

Keep writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466
  








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