Edited 20 times from various people's edits
- Thankyou so much to all those who've edited this!!
American spelling/interpretation included, I hope, I think, in this copy.
---
ELLEN
Kassie was waiting for me outside the school gates when I hopped off the bus. Instantly, I could see how crowded the well-irrigated lawns were, signifying that it was indeed the first day of school – our senior year. The air smelled fresh with expectation of the coming school year.
She was bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, the shine radiating off her long, tanned legs. She had a black tote slung over one arm.
“My one and only Ellen Johnson!” She shrieked as she threw her arms around me in a tight hug.
“Hey, Kass, what’s up?” I asked as we crossed to the towering red door of the high school, pushing it with all my might and heading down long hall. She followed me in, clutching at my shoulder so we wouldn’t get separated.
“I haven’t seen you in ages! Ah, and guess what?” Kassie squeaked into my ear.
“We have ‘Machine-Gun Gracey’ as our homeroom teacher this year?” I turned my head to look into her eyes. Her face fell as I looked at her, her cheeks paling a little.
“We do? Aw, I hate that horrid rapid fire voice of hers. Gives me the creeps!”
“I was only guessing, Kass!” I only rolled my eyes before turning to continue our sedate plod down the hall. I hadn’t noticed the sea of students flowing around us, as if terrified of touching us, like we were a virus. My hand automatically flew to my head. My hair!
“Blonde works - don’t worry.” Kassie shoved me to prove her point, flinging her own blonde hair over her shoulder.
“Thanks, Kass,” I sighed. ”But you’re a bit biased, aren’t you? Remember last summer when you told me my highlights were fantastic, and my dad asked me if I had some rebellion going on I hadn’t told him about?”
“Oh, right, well, this time I’m telling the truth,” she promised, patting my head gently.
“You’d better be.”
“Sure, that’s why I’m your best friend – I tell you the truth…”
“Kass!”
“Okay, sorry, you should ease up on the hair spray next time maybe, if you want total honesty; the top of your head looks solid…”
“Kass…” I warned. She swiftly shut up, dropping her gaze when she lost her words. “What did you have to tell me? What’s the news?”
“Smell that?” Kass stretched up on the tips of her toes, still plodding along behind me. She brought her lips close to my ear, her warm breath unpleasant on my skin.
“No,” I grumbled, pushing her back with my elbow, keeping my own eyes straight ahead, not listening, not caring, not really looking, just moving.
“Pause, close your eyes…” she instructed.
“You’re kidding me, right?” I paused by the water fountain to take a long sip, pleased when the students swarmed away from us to clear a nice path.
“Okay, concentrate on the scent exclusively…” she had both hands on my back, and her voice sounded dreamy.
Rolling my eyes, I slipped my fingers through hers so we couldn’t be separated as we moved back into the centre of the hall and inhaled sharply through my nostrils, allowing my brain to sample each new odor individually. The usual were there, as expected, including the stale aroma of disinfectant chemicals, fierce perfumes, a hint of body odor, beer breath, smoke and oranges, the customary bus snack – the peels made fair projectiles for unsuspecting cyclists.
My breath raced up my throat and escaped my lips in a sudden hiss; my eyes bulged and my nostrils flared.
“What… is… that?” I rasped, my voice sounding foreign and distanced. I struggled helplessly against the urge to surrender to the odor, the most beautiful thing I’ve smelled recently, and let it excite me.
“That’s him.”
“Who?” I took another long gulp of air. The swarms of students were beginning to thin, so Kassie moved to my side.
“My news! There’s a new kid, and he’s scrumptious!”
“Can’t be,” I hissed again. I’d lived in Raymond for eight years and the last time there’d been a new kid at school I was in fifth grade. Kassie shrugged, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. A voice boomed behind us and we automatically jumped forward in unison, away from the lurking danger, away from the sour odor dispersing the beautiful one, our eyes searching for escape.
“Girls!” Jonesy roared, grabbing us and hauling us to his chest. The beautiful smell disappeared the second he smushed our faces into his smelly shirt that, like the rest of him, reeked of stale body odor and grime. His tall, lanky figure held powerful muscles - our own were far too weak to battle against, though we were trying.
“Did you shower in your own puke this morning, Jonesy?” Kass wrinkled her nose with distaste, not even trying to struggle against his iron grip anymore. He smiled to reveal his crooked teeth with his cheeks folding up into numerous wrinkles, his eyes disappearing entirely.
“No, didn’t have time.”
“To puke? Wow, what a first. What’d you use? The sweat scraped off from under your moms boobs or what?”
Kassie snapped.
“Hey, her boob sweat is a personal issue I prefer not to be discussed outside the family.”
“Wow, sorry.”
“Don’t be, baby,” he leaned right down to whisper something in her ear that made her writhe wildly, her brown eyes wide with terror. He ignored her, clutching her closer, squeezing me at the same time.
Heads turned when our struggles became noisily violent; he winced and shrunk away from us with a low groan, tears of pain prickling in the corners of his eyes, Kass punching the air triumphantly. A punch, with a slide of her illegally long nails down his side worked every time. It had last year and it would this year – when we wanted to rid ourselves of Jonesy, the school loser, Kassie’s volatile fingers worked a treat. People were laughing now, but not at us, at least. Seeing an escape open itself down the hall we dashed between the throngs of students – freshmen to seniors– toward our open homeroom door, breathless when we finally made it through the homeroom doorway.
“Ew, I got some skin,” Kassie shrieked, quickly digging out her nail scissors from her makeup bag in her tote.
“I love you Kass!” I threw my arms around her. Unfortunately hugging her wouldn’t rid us of the putrid smell still lingering on our skin.
“My nails are a force not to be messed with, which he discovered the hard way, didn’t he? At least he won’t go grabbing us again, the jerk.”
’Machine-Gun Gracey’ stalked in, her authoritative voice bringing a dark shadow of silence sweeping through the room in a flat second. Kassie took her seat beside me in the front room – no need to start the year off bad again, at least. When Ms. Gracey had her back turned – a first for the wrinkled prune – my eyes swept the surrounding desks. The only Pacific Islander, Melanie, sat hunched over with her wide chin resting on her chubby hands. The summer hadn’t willed her to attend the gym her rich dad owned, clearly. The anorexic Indian girl, Thalia, had her legs folded beneath her, her eyes glaring back at me. Beside her, Jared, the eldest of the fourteen Hispanic students at the school glared toward the front unmoving, his eyes staring unseeingly at the ceiling.
“Ellen Johnson, I see we’re assessing the class already, are we?”
Ten curious pairs of eyes fired sharpened daggers into the back of my head as I whimpered ‘yes’. A wicked smile crept across her over-glossed lips.
“We’ve learnt from our mistakes, I see? No silence when I ask you a question?”
“Yes, ma’am, I have learnt.”
“Good, just keep responding to me - then I hope we’ll be firm friends, Miss Johnson.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I cringed back into my seat and, before anybody could actually dig a dagger into my head, I dropped it onto my hands and groaned quietly. Kassie’s bag made a soft thud on the new carpet at her feet, her own groan far from what mine was. The slip of paper that brushed my arm could only be one thing - a horrible thing that would determine the outcome of my year.
“Your schedules are final and you will need permission from your parents and your teacher before moving any classes.”
Schedules. One slip of paper outlining where you are legally required to be every minute of the day from eight-thirty Monday to three-o’clock Friday. With five classes, break, lunch, and homeroom, the schedule clearly defines your classrooms, teachers, and ultimately how your year will be. You can be like me with every class ten miles apart on opposite ends of the school property with only deadline-Nazis as teachers, or you can be like Kassie with classes grouped so close together the longest distance is possibly a fifty second walk at most with only the kindest, slackest teachers exclusively reserved. Since freshmen year she’d floated through while I was left drowning. Not only do schedules either stir or deter the storm cloud that is your future, but they outline your friends, or lack of, your end of year grade, good or bad, and whose parties you’re going to attend. Seventh to eleventh grade Kassie had been in Michael Hansberry’s class, the most god-like creature on the face of the planet. We were lucky to be graced with his mere presence and due to the constant classes with him Kassie had dated him all during freshmen year and most of my sophomore year too, but now they were close friends. And he didn’t date anymore, not until she took him back.
So Kassie's groan was understandably terrifying - not because she'd received a bad classroom location, but because of a far worse reason. Like having a deadline-Nazi teacher like ‘Machine-Gun Gracey’ – Ms. Gracey to her face - or Mr. Booty, who was so paranoid and ferocious and strict not a soul even dared think of ridiculing his name – over the years the legends created about him have been lethal.
Kassie wasn't breathing; she dug her nails into the underside of the desk. She glanced over to where Thalia sat, smiling deviously; Kassie's eyes bulged out of her sockets.
“Kassandra Alexandra Liddle, control yourself or I will force you!” Ms. Gracey screamed.
An ear-shattering screech tore from her lips when her fingers pulverized the wood.
Kassie gulped, but didn’t move, her angelic face frozen with fear.
“What’s wrong, Kass?” I hissed.
“I don’t have a single class… not a single class anywhere near each other!” She cried, throwing her head back to groan.
“Is that all?” I gasped, leaning back in my chair to breathe a sigh of relief. So it wasn’t her teachers, it was indeed just a bad classroom location.”
Ms. Gracey ambled to her student’s side, placing a hand on Kassie’s shoulder. Not a muscle even moved in my best friend’s body; her eyes followed the paper as Ms. Gracey lifted it for examination.
That smile was neither comforting nor promising.
“Seems you’re going to have to trade those heels for sneakers, my dear,” Ms. Gracey laughed throatily, slapping the paper lightly on the desk and ambling back to her own. Behind me Thalia was giggling into her hand, Jared was still glaring ahead, Melanie’s shoulders were shaking with silent laughter, and the remaining students joined in with a splutter of laughter
“S-sneakers?" she stammered, her nails digging deeper into the desk. 'Machine gun Gracey' raised an eyebrow and nodded her head so fast her fat bun wobbled. “Unlatch yourself from the poor desk. I’m sure it’s not designed to survive your assault.”
Kassie flexed her fingers slowly. I leaned across my desk and grabbed the timetable before Kassie could rip it apart. My eyes widened as I read the paper, a slight giggle escaping from my lips. Kassie glared unmercifully at me.
I remember every year’s schedule perfectly, almost as if it was etched into my skin because every year it only got worse. I would have given anything to go back to seventh grade. My classes then were just on opposite sides of the smallest building rather than opposite sides of the campus. The longer my eyes rested all the paper, the harder it was to resist the urge to cry out in laughter.
“Stop laughing!” Kassie whined, her cheeks now flushed, her lips pulled down in a scowl. Behind me the laughter erupted into a fierce roar as the realization hit in its final wave. I couldn’t help but join in when I realized how Kassie – always queen bee with expensive high heels, wearing the latest fashions, and never-had-a-problem-with-school-so-I’ll-just-breeze-through, was about to be ‘de-throned’. For once I’d be better off than her. I was quick to join in, screaming with laughter until we were clutching at our stomachs with tears pouring down our cheeks.
“Oh Kass, I’m so sorry, I truly am, but this is amazing!”
She eyed my own timetable, her frown deepening.
“They must’ve muddled our names or something – you got what I usually get, except Pre Calc and Government!” Kassie said quickly, lines of worry etched into her forehead.
“I doubt it,” my voice faltering; Kassie was grinning mischievously. Bitch. I knew she'd find some way to make them swap our classes, drop her down to Maths in practice, and change to politics.
---
This is on another critique site as well as this one, and everybody's vary so vastly, by the time I got to the last few most of it did not apply. Some I do not agree with, and this is getting much better thanks to all of you! And it really is amazing how even the most detailed critiques miss so much others pick up!
Gender:
Points: 890
Reviews: 135