Young Writers Society

[pre]On the vast edge of Nothing and Everything, two specters without form waited together. Others like them wafted along aimlessly, all waiting too. It was the Beginning that many of the vaporous forms had waited for for so long. The two on the brink hovered in anticipation.
One of them was male, the other was female. They’d gotten their assignments earlier and faced the coming of their Being together. The spirits were only souls, so they thought their concerns to one another.
‘Will it be like this,’ the female thought to the male, ‘Soft and kind and full of Oneness; in Being, I mean.’
‘I don’t know,’ the male replied placidly, ‘From what the Returned have said, it should be very different. I don’t suppose They can think like we can. They have to speak in order to communicate, They can’t truly express emotion.’
‘It sounds so limiting,’ the female thought, ‘Like you aren’t One with anything, like you aren’t whole.’
‘It doesn’t have to mean that,’ the male replied comfortingly, ‘Spirits aren’t used to wearing flesh, that’s why. They only feel disconnected, but they aren’t.’
‘I’ve heard they lie…fear…hate,’ the female thought quietly, ‘Will we become like that?’
‘I can’t say,’ the male answered, ‘But we must try our hardest not to. Promise me you will.’
‘Of course I do. And you?’
‘Of course.’
‘What will your name be,’ she asked.
‘Nathaniel, and yours?’
‘Olive.’
‘Can I call you that,’ he asked, ‘Before we’re both called Away?’
‘Of course. But I get to call you…Nathaniel?’
‘Of course.’
‘Do you think that we’ll be happy,’ Olive said worriedly, ‘Others have Returned and said that Being wasn’t happy. Some of them even took their own lives because of it.’
‘I hope we’ll be happy,’ Nathaniel replied, ‘But I don’t really know. All we can do is hope…and try to live good lives. The rest is chance and mindset. You’re certainly full of questions.’
‘Aren’t you,’ Olive asked defensively, ‘There’s so much uncertainty in Living; we don’t know what could happen. You know the stories, that when a spirit Becomes they forget, they lose everything they were created with. They don’t remember how wonderful they were once.’
‘We don’t lose our emotions, our feelings,’ Nathaniel said.
‘No, we don’t,’ Olive agreed, ‘But we lose so much else. Is it really worth Being?’
‘Don’t you think so?’
‘Now who’s asking the questions,’ Olive replied crossly, ‘But no, I’m not so sure. Nathaniel, what if we never see each other? Or what if we forget so completely that we don’t recognize each other? I love you, Nathaniel, I don’t want to lose you.’
‘You won’t,’ Nathaniel said firmly, ‘I won’t let that happen. Even if we forget, we’ll be together; we just have to. Oh no…Olive!’
‘What is it…No,’ Olive cried, her spectral form was beginning to fade; to disappear into the world of physical being. ‘Nathaniel…don’t let me go!’
‘I’m trying,’ he replied frantically, ‘But you’re slipping too fast!’
The world of Nothing and Everything and all in it were fading. Even Nathaniel’s form was slipping away. His face became beautifully sad and he released his grip on her spirit.
Olive fell away from Oblivion faster than before. Nathaniel grew even farther away.
Before she Became, he called out to her, ‘I’ll follow soon, keep the promise!’
‘I will,’ Olive called back, and the next instant she forgot everything as she came into Being. Her thoughts and words were lost, dispersed and an infant’s cry sounded from her newly born mouth in the hospital room.
“Congratulations, it’s a girl,” the doctor said with a smile.
Nathaniel remained on the edge of Oblivion for a while afterward, waiting for his turn to come.
* * *
A young woman walked down the bustling city street. It was very cold and even snowing a little. She was bundled up in a heavy, black coat and bright, blue scarf with a book in her left hand. The wind picked up and played with her long hair.
She stepped on an unnoticed patch of ice in her red, flat shoes and slipped and fell. The book flew open and landed in the slush. As she struggled to get a footing in the jostling crowd, a hand slipped into hers and pulled her onto her feet. The young man the hand belonged to smiled pleasantly at her, brushed snow off the book, and gave it back.
“Hi, are you okay,” he asked.
“Yes, I’m fine now,” she replied, “Thanks for doing that.”
“You’re welcome,” he said and shivered, “It’s really cold out.” He saw there was a small tea shop on the corner of the street and said, “Could I buy you something warm to drink?”
“I would like that,” she replied, smiling, “I’m Olive, by the way.”
“And I’m Nathaniel. It’s good to meet you, Olive.”
[/pre]

First comment, yess, so: I loved this!

The beginning was nice, a bit vague in the verbage (yey new word!) and the way they spoke, but that makes sense since they're spirits?/souls?

I loved the way you said this:

the next instant she forgot everything as she came into Being. Her thoughts and words were lost, dispersed and an infant’s cry sounded from her newly born mouth in the hospital room.

the ending was also nice, although I think that you could expand it more and still have it be amazing. The transition in ages was also a bit abrupt, but completely able-to-be-worked-with-able.

Wow, I'm full of new words


So, all in all, PM me if you decide to continue this!

This was sooo beautiful, are you going to continue it farther?

As of yet, I have no plans to extend this story. I don't want to exhaust my characters or the story line, which I'm sure you all understand, but thank you for reading this and for your criticism; I've always found it helpful

Its easy to get hooked from just the first sentence. It does get a bit confusing though. Especially when you mention assignments. "The young man the hand belonged to smiled pleasantly at her..." might sound better like this:
"The hand belonged to a young man who smiled at her pleasantly..."
This would be great if it was longer and more detailed.
I really liked this story though. It was very original and the ending made me smile.


Keep up the good work,

Trick