Young Writers Society

It was coming to the end of the Summer. The days were getting shorter and the weather colder on the small Spanish island. More people were leaving everyday, the friends she saw only once a year had all gone home now, except one, but soon he'd be gone too. She sat on the small beach, just a five minute walk from her home. She could see the beach from her bedroom window, she'd often sit out on the balcony at night reminiscing on long Summer nights that seemed endless, but all too short at the same time. The firework night she and her British friends always had, her birthday party, she even had a few friends from her hometown over there. She fell asleep listening to the lapping of the waves against the sand. She lay back on her towel and closed her eyes. The sun was still shining brightly and there was not a single cloud blotting the perfect blue sky.



She drifted into a light sleep because when she woke up the sun was nearly down, and sitting next to her was her Summer love, the one that had made her fall in love with him all over again, deeper and harder this time, and the one that had made her feel like the most amazing person on the planet, and the one that had cheated on her, and broken her heart, and all in his three week Summer holiday too. Her first instinct was to slap him, hard, but she thought about it and realized this would not cause him half as much pain as she felt in her heart. Her next instinct was to get up and run away, and her third instinct was to sit there, and act as if the whole heartbreak episode had not happened.
"Hey." He put his arm around her, "You look like an angel when you sleep." He smiled that gorgeous smile, the smile which was half the reason she fell in love with him, shallow, but true. She shrugged him off, "What's wrong? Did I do something?" He asked, it seemed as if he honestly didn't know what he'd done. She was not the most patient person at the best of times, and she was not standing for this.
"You inconsiderate, cheating, evil-"
"Woah, calm down Rachel!"
"No! I will not-"
"What's wrong?! Don't you love me anymore?!"
"Love you!" She shouted, then sighed, "Of course, which makes this worse."
"What?"
"I saw you last night, kissing Nadine." His face dropped, his smile faded. He was furious with himself. It was all a mistake, one simple mistake. He had never planned it or meant for it to happen. He loved Rachel, kissing Nadine made him realize this but now Rachel's total trust in him had gone and he knew, there was nothing he could do to get it back. He'd spent so long gaining her trust in the first place and one stupid mistake had thrown it all away. He turned to say sorry, to try and make it right, knowing perfectly well he couldn't, but it was too late. She was already half way across the beach, running towards home.

He could have gone after her, to her house, but he was leaving in half an hour. This would have been their last goodbye, until next year anyway, he had no idea how he could live without knowing Rachel loved him, distance didn't matter as long as she was there, there somewhere, he could carry on, but now, he had no idea. He took a shaky breath, he never cried, he wasn't going to start now, and walked slowly and sadly back to his apartment before he left. Until next year anyway, but that might as well have been a million millenniums from then.


She watched him from her house, walking back. She'd expected him to follow her, or try at least, he hadn't even called her name. He'd kissed Nadine and not even tried to make it right. In the next few weeks he called and emailed her millions of times. She never replied. She never backed down without proper need, she wasn't going to start now.


A Year Later

It had been exactly a year since that day. That horrible day. She sat in the exact same spot, she closed her eyes tight and tears came strolling back. The sun had gone down, but not completely, there was just a slight glow left. She felt someone sit next to her and wipe away the tears. She let him take her in his arms and kiss her, she let him think everything was going to be alright when she knew perfectly well that things would never be the same. She was going to make him pay, one way or another. Its so late and I'm so tired, but I wanted to write something, it's not very good but there it is....comments please!edited some parts thanks to the people who told me some of my mistakes

I like it.

That was really, really sad! I love sad stories! (Don't ask why...)

This was pretty well-written, although there were a few grammar mistakes and content... awkwardness (?).

You mostly made the mistake I see most often: When you write dialogue, the dialogue tag should not be capitalized unless it's someone's name!!!!! Oh. My. Gosh. I really cannot stand it. I don't want to be mean, but everytime I see someone who makes this mistake, I want to knock them over the head with my notebook until they get it! So, yeah, just something you should know.

Everything else was really good. I only suggest maybe making the first paragraph two paragraphs instead of one big one. I don't know why, but it just seems like after you talk about the end of summer, it changes gears a bit, and requires a new paragraph.

Other than that, it was really good! Are you going to write more, or is this it? I do like sad endings, but I feel like this should have a happy one... I don't know. But good job!

That was a really nice story. Well, not nice, because it wasn't, well, you get the idea. I liked it

Just make sure to space out your paragraphs, please, because otherwise it can be a bit hard to read...

EDIT: And I forgot to say how it reminds me of my own holidays in France, where you get so close to people in those few weeks and never see them again unless they turn up in the same place. It reminded me so much of those evenings, I guess that's another reason I liked it. You really connect with people.

Just a couple of small things that i found.

She could see the beach from her bedroom window, she'd often sit out on the balcony at night reminiscing on long Summer nights that seemed endless, but all to (too) short at the same time.

Her first instinct (was) to slap him, hard, but she thought about it and realized this would not cause him half as much pain as she felt in her heart.

He took a breath, he never cried, he refused to start now, and walked slowly and sadly back to his apartment before he left.

I'd change that ^^ to something like this as it sounds a little awkward:

He took a shaky breath, he'd never cried before and he refused to start now, and walked slowly and sadly back to his apartment before he left.


Is this just a short story or a prelude kind of thing? Your last sentence (She was going to make him pay, one way or another) kinda suggest that that there is more to come. If so, i can't wait to read it

such a sad story. I'm not tradegy person but this one was really good:)