Young Writers Society

Im going to continue from where I left out which was on chapter one

''Hey, over here." I yelled getting her attention. She finally made her way through the now disapating crowd. "Can you believe how crowded it is?" She asked exsaperated. I just smiled at her, my smile suddenly dissaperd for there he was the man of my dreams walking straight for us. "Oh no." I turned my head away and acted like I was getting something out of my locker. "Crystal are you ok?'' I ignored her and continued to look through my locker. "Has he passed?" She finally caught on, suddenly a sly smile crept onto her face. "Hey Jonathon." She yelled. "Amber, dont." To late he had already turned aroung and was making his way towards us. "Oh god" I couldnt face him, he was just to cute and if I looked at him Id surely make a fool of myself. "Hi." He said to me and Amber, "Hows it goin?" Amber looked at me and said, "Why dont you ask Crystal." He looked at me with confussion on his face but asked me anyway. "Um, Um its going ok I guess." I looked back into the locker. God he must think im an idiot I kept saying to myself. I looked back at Amber and Jonathon, "I need to be going, it'll look kinda bad if im late to my first class." He nodded, "Yeah, same here" He then waved and left, leaving me with thoughts of what he thought of me. "I cant believe you done that." I snapped at Amber, "Why'd you do that?" "Oh come on Crystal, I know you like him, no wonder you have yet to have a boyfriend." I just glared knowing she was right, I did have a problem with telling people how I felt. "If it bugs you that much im sorry." she said with a look of regreat on her face."Its just, you cant always keep your feelings bottled up inside you" I sighed, "I know but hes just so cute, why would he ever look at girl like me?'' Amber smiled, "He was looking at you, a lot." she added her sly smile coming back to her face. I had to laugh, "I wish." But deep down inside I was secreatly wishing I had of said something to him, like "Hi" or "Yeah its sure busy" instead I had stood there looking like some stupid girl who doesnt know how to put a sentence together. The bell than rang "Oh great now I was late to class" I slammed my locker and headed to my first class "What else could go wrong"
(SORRY BUT THATS ALL I HAD TIME TO TELL )

"I cant believe you done that." I snapped at Amber

this should be: "I can't believe you did that."

But deep down inside I was secreatly wishing I had of said something to him

this should be: But deep down inside I was secretely wishing i had said something to him.

i would watch the terms you use while they are speaking to each other too since this is supposed to be in the 50's.

it has potential and i am definitely interested in finding out what happens, especially with a title like 'little lies'

Thanks for those tips...Im kinda of a novice at the 50's...perhaps you could help me.

Yeah I agree with mysterywriter on this.

"Can you believe how crowded it is?" She asked exsaperated.
THIS SHOULD BE A NEW PARAGRAPH. Sorry if I look mad but caps lock was on and i'm in a hurry cuz the bell's about to ring.
On the dialog parts, I wouldn't say she said then he said over and over again. And then, if it were my story, i would make new paragraphs everytime they say something new.