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Young Writers Society


What a Summer.



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Sun Jan 27, 2008 2:28 pm
jessiieeboo says...



Chapter One: Zac.

Last day of school at last! Finally this school year can come to an end and summer time can come and over take my teenage mind! I thought while pulling my jean shorts over my tense legs. I would finally be able to let myself go without school work in the back of my mind. I look forward to friends, guys, bikinis, and the Jersey Shore for this summer.

“Carrie lets go already!” My mom yelled from the bottom of the dark wooden stairs.

“Calm yourself, will ya?” I shot back with a slight grin that she would have killed me for if she had seen it.

“I don’t like that tone. You better leave that attitude in that room of yours!” she growled.

I silently giggled to myself while grabbing my cellphone and blue iPod Video off my white dresser that had many nail polish stains. Sneaking through the hallway, down the stairs, and eventually reaching the kitchen where my mother stood cleaning the dishes, not knowing I was in the room.

“Boo!” I screeched.

My mom jumped, flinging the wet, soapy sponge onto the kitchen table.

“Carrie!” shouted my mom as I ran out the door and hopped into the passengers’ seat of my mom’s Honda Pilot.

She shortly followed with an upset facial expression that I knew I was going to have to deal with. Along with her long ass lectures she always gave about growing up blah blah blah! She opened the door and gave me a death stare. She always made her stares burn my skin so that it was impossible not to look at her. So of course I always end up asking her what she wants.

“Carrie, you’re going to have to grow up sometime. You can’t be a kid forever. You’re going to have to get over the fact that guys can be more than just friends and it’s time to grow up. You can’t think that boys still have cooties. Do you think that? If you do, hunny tell me and I can help you through your boy problems and boy advice. I was quite an attractive girl when I was younger. I had many boyfriends, which I was somewhat known for, you know? Age caught up with me I guess,” she chuckled to herself.

“Right nice one mom. Well before you go on and on should I get a pen to right this all down or can I ignore you like I usually do?” I said smartly while she dug through her purse searching for her keys.

“Carrie…” she warned

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry but why do you want me to have a boyfriend? Most mom’s would rather their daughters not date,” I stated.

“It’s part of being a teenager! If you don’t have a boyfriend you won’t know how it feels or be able to relate to others when they talk about their boyfriends or boy troubles. Plus, you never know, you could end up dating your future husband,” she sighed as we drove down Main Street.

“And who would you be referring to?” I stared blankly at my mother as we were now pulling up to the front of my high school.

“What about…. Zac. You know Carrie he is so cute! How could you not like him after all you have been through together?” she said reaching over to touch my hand.

Zac is my best friend and has been since we were born. We even have those sappy baby pictures together that everyone says ‘aw’ over. Our moms’ are best friends, from high school. I love Zac, but only as a best friend, nothing more.

“Then you date him!” I stormed out of the car slamming the door behind me.

I never really cared for having a boyfriend. I have heard about the heartbreaks, the pain, and the pressure. It all leaves you with a broken heart. I haven’t had a boyfriend since… what was it… sixth grade? Yeah… around then. He was one of the hottest guys in school. Anyways, skipping over all the mushy-gushy stuff that girls like to think is sweet, he ended up cheating on me because I wasn’t ready to kiss him. After all the tears and pain I went through trying to get over him, I realized in seventh grade boys aren’t worth the heartbreak.

I arrived at my locker two minutes before the bell would ring for first period. No one was in the halls and I had missed homeroom. Whatever. With no books in hand I walked casually into my American History class.

I sat through American History, Math, Spanish, Latin, Chemistry, Photography, and English. During that time I made small talk with the other students’ about plans for the summer. Everyone had vacations or beach houses’. I felt a little left out but hey, not everyone has that type of money. I received a text message from Zac towards the end of 8th period telling me to meet him outside after the bell rang.

I watched the big hand make its way slowly to the six. Thirty more seconds.

Ring! Ring! The bells rang and the halls became filled with shouting students running out the front doors

I walked out the front doors seeing Laney and Zac waiting by the flag pole. Laney was talking to him but I could tell he was looking for me instead of listening to her. A smile spread across his face when our eyes met. I could already tell that it would be a crazy summer from his mysterious smile.
Last edited by jessiieeboo on Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
peace love +& respect,
jess♥
  





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10 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1590
Reviews: 10
Sun Jan 27, 2008 8:51 pm
OrangeNailpolish says...



You're off to a good start. I picked out a few errors though.
jessiieeboo wrote:With my friends, guys, bikinis, and the Jersey Shore is what make my summer worth looking forward to.

The structure is a little choppy. Might I suggest: I look forward to friends, guys, bikinis, and the Jersey Shore for this summer.

jessiieeboo wrote:Sneaking through the hallway, down the stairs, and eventually reaching the kitchen. Where my mother stood cleaning the dishes, not knowing I was in the room.

This should really be one sentence.

jessiieeboo wrote:She always made her stares burn my skin so that it was impossible not to look at her and ask her what she wanted.

Run on sentence. Place some commas in and maybe even break it up into two sentences.

jessiieeboo wrote:"Okay, okay, I’m sorry but why do you want me to have a boyfriend? Most mom’s would rather their daughters not date,” I stated.

Earlier on, you wrote that Carrie couldn't wait for boys over the summer. Why does she not want a boyfriend here?

jessiieeboo wrote:front of my High School.

"High school" does not need to be capitalized unless it is a specific high school, like Jefferson High School.

jessiieeboo wrote:saying for me

That sounds awkward, it should be telling me.

jessiieeboo wrote:I smile spread across his face when our eyes met. I could already tell that it would be a crazy summer.

The first sentence has the wrong word at the beginning, should 'I' be changed to 'A?' Also, a quick question pertaining to the second sentence: How can Carrie tell that it's going to be a crazy summer from just a smile. Was it a scary smile or a crazy one that made her think like that?

Other than those few mistakes, it's a really good story so far. The title seems a little strange though. I personally feel that "My Best Friend Zac" wouldn't depict the story well enough. Maybe try something more creative? Can't wait for the next one! :D
  








Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
— Joseph Campbell