“I’m so sorry-” Laura started to say but was cut off when Jackson took a hold of her hands.
Jackson caught her chin in his other hand and raised it so she can meet his gaze. “Don’t. Don’t do this. You know how I feel. You know. How dare you!”
Laura paid no attention to the tear that spilled onto her cheek. “Look, I have a life, a home, and family,” she had to look away, it hurt too much. “I have a boyfriend, and we’re happy at home. He’s a great man, Jackson, I don’t know what I would if I hurt him. He’s been great with me. We’re planning on marriage.”
He felt the blow like a physical assault. The air got knocked out of his lungs in a gush of wind. “What about you? What about your happiness? Do you,” he paused and looked away. “Do you even love him, Laura?” He said, his voice breaking with the fact that this is the last time they would ever be together. This would be the last time he would ever feel.
“What about it? What about me. I can’t be selfish here Jack.” Her beautiful eyes flashed like angry green emeralds. “I’m not the only one living here; we’re not the only people involved. Other people are going to get hurt too if I choose the wrong way.” Another tear slipped passed her notice. “The only wrong choice I can make here is by choosing you. Jackson, you are the wrong choice.” Laura kept her gaze locked with his as she raised her hand and smoothed his hair down.
He glared at her, angry. Why is she doing this, she knows. She knows! He thought to himself. She has to know. She just has to. “I love you. Did you know that? I told you before, but you ran. You ran.” He whispered, “You withdrew from me. You took all your feeling and stuffed them in a closet and you ran as fast as you can.” Then he suddenly turned on her. “Don’t you dare say you don’t love me! I see it in your eyes every time you look at me. We were meant to be together. We were meant for each other. We were made for each other! Don’t do this. Please.” He whispered the last word; his voice was filled with agony.
She stared in horror as the man that held her heart crumpled in pain. She knew how much pain there is. How much grief for the lost of the chance, knew it all. “Stop, I can’t be with you. I told you. From the very beginning, you knew this couldn’t evolve to anything long-term, anything serious.” She took her scarf and placed it around his shoulders.
Damn everyone to hell. He knew she was right. Oh, how he knew. He dreaded this moment from the time he laid his eyes on her. The constant reminder that this would never work was always nagging on his tail and constantly biting him on the ass. She still got under his skin, straight to his heart, and the base of his soul.
He looked at her. Really looked at her. She was absolutely beautiful. He hadn’t noticed today, from all his jumbled up thoughts and emotions. “Did you know, the day I made love to you was the hardest thing to do, because I knew when this case is done, we can’t go on. Well, ‘better to love and lost, than to never love at all.’ What a corny quote.” He raised hand to brush away the last of her tears. “I fell in love the day you laughed at me as I was coming out of the hospital with a bandage around my head and a cast on my foot. You saw me and laughed until you had tears running down your cheeks. Everyone would have tried to help, but you…” he said and shook his head with a smile teasing at his lips. But the eyes, gave away everything he was feeling. “Making love to you was like being reborn. I felt everything differently. I saw the colors pop at me like fireworks. You changed me, by allowing me to love you. Now you’re changing me back, by taking my heart with you.”
He bent his head slowly and kissed her tenderly. He needed this. One last taste and feel for what he will lose forever. His one true love he never will see again. In such a short time, he fell in love. He never thought he could feel this way. Not once. His childhood left him emotionless and dead inside.
Love, now that he had it, he never wanted to let go. He spent more days he could count without feeling he wanted the flare of emotions that Laura had brought to him.
One last touch, he wept inside as she took her paper thin scarf and tied it around his eyes. All the FBI training, teaching them to get your emotions in check, in the world couldn’t stop of the tearing of his heart as he realized in the next few seconds she would be gone. Forever - without a second glance back.
As Laura finished tying her scarf around, she stood on her toes and leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “You’re right. I do love you. More than you can ever realize. Life with you will be an impossible life. Please don’t follow me. Forget me, as I will try to forget you, because it will hurt to remember.” She kissed the corner of his mouth and walked away.
She walked some distance away before she turned to her right and hide in the thickest of bushes. Laura crouched low and watched him as she let the silent tears weal up in her eyes and spill over.
Jackson raised his hands and slid her scarf off so he can see the light. The crisp morning sun was dim and dull without her. Even as he stared off into the beauty of the garden, he wasn’t seeing anything. The vivid colors of the flowers and the beauty of the design didn’t reach past the wall of emotions that Laura had brought up and left all of them disheveled.
He was numb. He couldn’t believe that the one time he could love someone; the universe was cruel enough to take her away from him. But he loved her enough to let go. Love was a choice. She had to choose to be with him. If the pull was stronger with her boyfriend than it was with him, then he won’t stop her, even as it killed it him inside.
Watching him trough the green leaves hurt. It hurt more than a snipers bullet ripping through her. He looked as lost and sad as she felt, like a little boy loosing his security blanket.
She imagined true love as life filled with happiness and passion. Not full of pain and despair. It took all of her will just for her to stay put, and not run like a madman to him and kiss the sense out of him, comfort him, to comfort herself. She wanted everything to be all right. She wanted the one thing she can’t have. She wanted forever with him.
Jackson wandered over to a lone red rose and tore it from its stem, ignoring the pain as the thorn slit through his skin, drawing crimson blood. This one rose reminded him so much of Laura it was unbelievable.
The silky pestle, how it felt like her smooth, soft skin beneath fingertips. The dark red resembled her passion. Her dark sensual lips as he watched them move up and down with the words she spoke. How he can kiss them all night and still want more early in the morning. The way the roses pestle barely opened up, but enough for him to slide under her skin. He softly put the silky rose to his lips and murmured something he should have said when she was walking away. “Goodbye my sweet, sweet, Laura. Your love will stay with me until the day I die.” He walked over to the lake before him and held the rose above the water. He let the silky flower slip from him as he did with Laura. He was disgusted with himself, as the flower fell away, from him.
He watched the rose fall at a steady pace to the clear lake. Hopping his words will be drifted to her. Jackson composed himself, raised his chin and straightened his shoulders and walked away without a second glance back, at his loss of happiness, loss of hope. Hopelessness washed over him as he realized the feeling of what happened was already draining through his pores and out his body. The loss of his feelings and the loss of the one person who handed it all back to him on a golden platter will be implanted in his memory forever.
Laura was torturing herself as she watched him. She watched as he picked up the rose and said something. She stood and turned on her heel. “Jackson, I love you. Always will.” As she walked away from her love she wiped the back over her hand over her cheeks, smearing the tears. The distance they put from their love for one and another, the better. The love will never die, but their hearts are already dead.
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