Young Writers Society

The soft dim light of the hall helped set the mood for the motion. The Woman so slowly gliding down the dusty portal, the particles of dust creating a mist throughout the space. The emotion of the moment, the Women so intensely longing for his embrace.

The Man stomping carelessly, feeling no passion, looking harsh. Thinking, in his deepest mind, about the pain of his words cutting through her heart.

Closer and closer to the moment of embrace, he stops.

She smiles, unawares of the feelings awaiting her.

She embraces the cold harsh shadow of the man who once she called her lover.

It's a wonderful thought and all, but as a "short story" (As I am assuming that is) its really bad. It's written wonderfully and all, but it would do so much better as a poem or a prose. As a poem it would be wonderful, but as a short story its choppy, basically plot-less, and lacks nearly everything a story requires.

Closer and closer to the moment of embrace, he stops.

She smiles, unawares of the feelings awaiting her.

Huh? you give absoloutely no hint to his feelings for her, just his general feelings and how he appears he's feeling.

Expand on this, turn it into a poem do something with it and it would be double what it is now.

This is very interesting, albiet a little short.

The Man stomping carelessly, feeling no passion, looking harsh. Thinking, in his deepest mind, about the pain of his words cutting through her heart.

This seems a contradictory. He feels nothing for her... but feels bad? Please clarify.

At the moment, it's hard to tell who is the main character. I'm assuming it's the man, since we have some insight to his feelings.

Otherwise, it's good. Your writing is beautiful. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER lose this language of yours! It is hard to come by.

You can write a beautiful story with this. Your dialogue will be interesting. :D:D:D:D:D:D