Young Writers Society

Editing.

Will be a three parter.

Is there a part before this that I am missing? The whole bottom half was too confusing to get a point across. And you kept on jumping from He said, "Hello." to I said, "Hello." I can get over that [[I do that all the time.]] But, 1] who are Holly and Apirl 2] Who is Jordan, and why does her height matter? 3] Why was he worried about how smart she was? and 4] Why did he have to go to OC to go to a......water park? How is 'so hot' a pun?
cat

Yes, you are missing a lot.

“HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

Oh my goodness.

The login dialogue between Reyu and the computer was funny. Kinda like watching a pingpong match where your head bounces back and forth XD

Reyu stood up and grabbed his duffle bag, plane ticket and his backpack. It’s only a few hour plane trip to Orange County but it’s always more fun with a carry-on bag. Gotta have gum too, lots of gum, the pink kind. With everything in order he left his house, locked the door and departed for the transit center, where he boarded the Max Red Line to Portland Airport. A short train ride later he was at the airport transit center, twenty or so minutes after that he was waiting in line at security. Thinking all the while ‘Heh, I’m a white boy, no random search for me! They still make me take off my shoes though.’

I think you can jump right from where he leaves his house to the airport terminal. At the terminal, a description of every piece of his/your clothing is unnecessary, and rather boring.

“That’s okay miss, I knew that already. I would like as tall a glass of orange juice that you can provide me with and three of those little bottles of vodka. You can save asking me for my ID until we are actually at a cruising altitude though. I can, however, pay now. To help you remember me.” I smiled with genuine happiness.

What an odd thing to say. I don't see how the waitress laughed. I'd think she'd be annoyed.

A few hours later Reyu was, slightly, wobbling out of the plane. Got my luggage and found my mother waiting for me. We hugged and I kissed her on the cheek.

Unless there's some multiple personalities thing happenin, you switched tenses here.

“Have you been having fun with April and Holly?” Reyu asked her. My sisters can annoy her sometimes though.

Wait, is there?


Agh, I don't get it. There isn't any conclusion? Or much to conclude? And was his conversation with the flight attendant meant to be the romantic aspect to this?

Maybe I don't get it either.