I don't know if this is the right place to post this...
Here goes!
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Every Little Reminder
I still have every reminder of you.
Every little reminder is packed away. The letters. The jewelry. The Christmas bag the fleece blanket came in, with the crossed out scribbles of writing. The Memories. Each reminder I kept, hoping one day the pain of what you said would fade away.
The pain hasn’t faded. In fact, if anything, it’s increased. Magnified ten fold. Every time I saw you in the hallway with another girl, the pain would return. Do you even understand what I’m talking about? Have you ever experienced this kind of pain? Pain that leaves your mind devoid of thought and emotion. The kind that hits you full in the chest, knocking the breath out of you.
Did you know that I used to dream about you? The one time I could count on the pain checking itself at the door. The one time I could truly tell you how I felt, and not worry about rejection, hurtful words, scathing looks. The only place I could ever count on time truly standing still, where I could be happy, and not have to worry that you would turn your back on me again. Tiny pieces of sanctuary.
But dreams don’t last forever. They fade, with every second the sun takes to climb into the sky, until “Poof!” They’re gone. Then the pain would come back, and I would forget that the dreams had ever even occurred.
Every little reminder of you brings memories of what little friendship we had. Do you remember the snowball fights in the parking lot? The soda bottle sword fights. The races across the lawn. The playful fights. The playful fights that turned into not-so-playful fights.
Do you remember the day you crashed my hopes? The day that you said that we were better off being friends? Or have you forgotten that too? Along with everything else to do with me.
There are days that I wonder what I did wrong. Did I come on too strong? Did I fight too hard? Or maybe I wasn’t smart enough. Thin enough. Pretty enough.
Every little reminder of you engraves itself into me, burning like a flame. Do you know what I would give to forget? Oh, how I yearn to forget everything that went on between us. Everything that mattered, and even the things that didn’t matter.
I just wanted you to know that I have all the reminders of you.
Did you keep the reminders of me?
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