Young Writers Society

As the weeks passed, I'd like to say that me and him - Scott - talked, but we didn't. Until... that fateful day when the science teacher decided we should be lab partners. I can remember when he told us. I thought my heart was going to fly out of my mouth and hit him square on in between the eyes.

"So how do you plan we go about this? Slice carefully, or just hack our way in?"

We both stood and gazed down at the cows heart on the table before us. An array of shiny, sharp utensils gleamed in two small rows beside it and we both held two small scalpels in our hands. A small puddle of blood was slowly growing on the plate beneath the organ and I could feel myself getting greener.

"Well, if we hack, then it'll get very messy and they'll be hell to pay if you get blood on me. But, I like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre approach, so let's do it."

We grinned at each other and began hacking into the heart with our scalpels, soon our hands getting covered in blood. I didn't care though, because as soon as we were chosen to pair up, we got along instantly.

The first thing he said was;

"Prepare to see the gore."

And in an obscure way, it bonded us together, after I had recovered from my fits of laughter that is.

I dodged a small drop of blood and watched as it created a blob on the floor. That was close. The good thing about schools over here is that there are no uniforms... but at times like these, I wish I didn't have to dodge blood bullets in some of my best clothes.

I reached for another small cutting utensil - I haven't a clue what it's called - and my hand collided with Scott's. We stopped, dead. Deader than the cow whose heart was in front of us. He tickled his fingertips along my palm lightly then looked at me straight in the eyes.

"Hm... "

He said quietly, then smiled, lifting his hand and poking my nose just a little, then laughing. When he laughed, his eyes lit up and he smiled wide. I frowned and blinked confusedly, touching my nose and looking at my fingers.

"Ahhhh! You sicko!"

He had only gone and put blood on my nose. Great. He grinned and wiped it off with his sleeve as we turned back to the heart and began to hack again.

YUCK!!!

This is a sweet scenario, really. I like it. There IS something about gross-ness that makes bonding easier, though I'll never really understand it...

You expected remarks about the nastiness when you posted this, right? Your descriptions of the gore were very detailed....and you well captured the look of it. (I've seen something like this myself) Because of that, the more squeamish among us ought to read with caution.

Again, well done! Will there be more of this story?

hey Ginger. How are you? This was good. It had detailed desciption, which always helps a reader into a scene. I think it's too short, though. I wanted more. Just a few things I caught:

and hit him square on in between the eyes.

The 'on in' thing just sounds strange here. There's a few things you could do to fix it though. You could get rid get rid of the on and the in, although that sounds a bit iffy, or you you could just remove the in. I think that sounds better. or, of ocurse, you could just do away with it all and say 'right between.' Yes, I'm rambling.

So how do you plan we go about this?

This sounds odd too. I know it sounds right when you say it, but on the page it looks rather awkward. Your choice on that one.

We both stood and gazed down at the cows heart.

*cow's. The cow owns the heart. Or rather, it did.

Anyway, that's all I found. Hope this crit helped a little. Are you planning on putting more up?

Aww i like this alot, it's so cute. ^^

And i was interested all the way through.

Write more!

We stopped, dead. Deader than the cow whose heart was in front of us.

That's my favorite bit, in a sick way xD


well done

I have placed my gramatical and punctual corrections in italics underneath the original lines (It should be very clear )

GingerLizzy wrote:

"square on in between the eyes."

"squarely between the eyes."

"and they'll be hell to pay if you get blood on me."

"...there'll be hell to pay if..."

"We grinned at each other and began hacking into the heart with our scalpels, soon our hands getting covered in blood."

Full stop after scalpels; "Soon our hands were covered in blood."

"then laughing." Then laughed.

All that aside, I liked this piece, you had some good description and I liked the overall cuteness and concept. Nice work =D


*hearts* Le Penguin.

Yo, have you wrote anymore of this story?

As i haven't been on here for a while, and i've looked through your portfolioioioi, and it hurt my eyes as there was too much to sift through.

If so you should tell me so i can read it



x

Hello! Yet another review. Same format with the numbers; you know the drill.

Ick I have stuff like this 2 look forward 2 in vet tech school...
Anyways interesting story.

Very cute!:)

Very cute and nasty at the same time! but i truthfully enjoyed reading it. It was such an adorable scene! Nice work!