Young Writers Society

The fire crackled as two figures lay in front of it, in nothing but each other. Lying belly to belly, the woman slept while the man laid wide wake, a hand entangle in her hair and the other curled around her waist.

He caresses her hair in between his fingers, loving the feel of it. He took out his hand from her hair, and then ran his fingertips along her cheeks, lips, nose and eyelashes, almost like painting her delicate features. She stirred and opened her eyes. He stared into her eyes. Her dark, rich, green eyes, almost like black.

“You’re prefect,” he murmur.

“Only you would think so, lover,” she murmur back

“Right, because I’m your husband,” he said.

“And I’m your wife,” she said. He nipped at her shoulder with his teeth.

“Ready for another go, love?” he murmur against her shoulder.

“Of course,” she answered.
*~*~*~*
Her P.O.V

He is my husband, my opposite, my enemy and my love all at the same time. His skin is golden and tan from the sun. His hair, blond, only reflects his beauty. And lastly, his eyes are the color of the sea and the sky.

He rolled me over onto my back, kiss me, and then love me in ways I dare not describe. He dare not do it again for I fear I will die from the pleasure he brought me. I’m panting like a animal in heat and I realized I can’t breathe again until he kiss me, giving me his sweet, musky essence, and pull me in arms once again
*~*~*~*
His P.O.V

Her lithe body moves under mine writhed in pleasure. Her body molded into mine perfectly, almost like she was made for me. And the way she reacts is such a delight.

The way she looks in the throws of passion makes me want to make love to her all day and night long for the rest of our lives together.

I rolled her onto her side and spoon her from behind and wrap my arms around her once more.
*~*~*~*
Normal P.O.V

“I’m tired,” he said as he nuzzled the back of her neck. “You tire me out, love.”

“Oh?” she inquirer as she turn around in his arms. “I tired you out? It’s the other way around, lover,” she said as she kisses him.

o_0

Ok. I think I missed the point of this piece slightly, is there more to it?

You kept missing the letter 's' off the end of words.

What was it supposed to be about?

I liked the use of different P.O.V's
Alainna
xxxxxx

First off, I'd like to say, you shouldn't have to tell us what POV you are in you should be able to write it in such a way that we can tell what POV it is, that is the beauty of writing.

A second major problem is tense, and the fact that you start missing "S"s here and there. From the first line you are in past, then in the second you are in first, and you seem to keep switching back and forth, almost as if indecisive about what tense you are really in. Try reading over it and cleaning up the tenses, and the missing "S"s.

the woman slept while the man laid wide wake

This is the lie/lay problem. You used lay, while you should use lie. So the word should be "lied".

Like Alainna said, it's kind of missing a plot, something to really make the story go. It feeds off of the two lovers, and there emotions for each other. All that is happening is them making love, there really isn't much else, so you need something to happen to make this good. I also got kind of irritated by the way you kept dropping looks, it was so sudden and didn't go in smoothly with the writing. If you can't find a way to smoothly say what your character looks like, don't say it at all, and let the reader create him/her in their mind.

It looked really odd to see them say this:

“Right, because I’m your husband,” he said.

“And I’m your wife,” she said. He nipped at her shoulder with his teeth.

They sound like robots, not like people in love... I can't exactly pick out why. I suppose because I don't know what to expect out of their voices...

Also, you're missing a period on the end of this sentence:

“Only you would think so, lover,” she murmur back

I think if you gave it some conflict, something for the reader to cling to, or even to help us relate to the character (which is best through caring, maybe you should develop the characters more, give them names, background, sad stories, that the reader can relate to and so care for your character?) it would do a lot better. For now it's kind of like a really watered down romance scene, without a purpose.

Best of luck, though! If you have any questions feel free to PM me.

Sorry if this writing is so bad. i just wrote it on a popping of an idea.