I am nothing but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's or maybe like pocket candy that's just a bit too sweet.
AWW. That was my overall feeling from reading this. (It's a good feeling!) You've allowed readers to empathise with the MC, which is good. I got a little lost with the Harry Potter analogy, but mind you, Ron Weasley marries the ravishing Miss Granger in the end One thing I didn't quite like was the cliched he's-so-perfect guy that the MC is in love with. (Though I've been guilty of that in my early writings) Things you can work on are some of your descriptions. While you're trying to make your story sound relatable, some expressions are rather inelegant and awkward, at least to me. Also, her best friend doesn't really sound like a best friend to me. There's so much anger and resentment that I'm left a bit sceptical of how close they are as friends. Anyway, this was a good read! ~Meep(:
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~ "You'll never walk alone"
Is there something wrong with you? Are you hyped up on too much Red Bull or something? How in the world could you think this is the worst story ever told. This is art, I mean of course you have your fair share of grammar mistakes but who doesn't.I don't want to sound like everybody else that commented on Dear You but I absolutely loved this story. You bring a common cliche and turn it into a master piece (not many people can do that;) ). Please PM me when you come up with more ideas and if you ever have writers block I'd love to help.
~Dominique
P.S. Keep Writing
We're all in the same game, just on differentlevels;Dealing with the same hell, only differentdevils.
Surely not the worst written! Not close. I do love this, a lot.
Isn't it funny how our best works are done when we're barely thinking about what we're writing, and we just sit down to type away...but then we think about it and we find we don't like it as much. We try too hard. That's why I like it - I'm not saying you didn't try on this, but just that there's a free feeling throughout it.
Just my small ramblings Of course keep writing and all that fabulous jazz.
I want to talk further into the story, I'm not sure if you wrote this from your heart, from a personal experience in the general subject, or anything such, or if it's just...written. If it's just "written" as I'm saying, then you - my friend - have some serious talent. If this did come from the heart or somewhere along those lines, then I'm surely not saying that you don't have talent. I love it when something comes from the heart, it makes it easier to connect to.
Thanks for sticking through me through my most likely long and boring review
Have faith! With a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?
Lol, I only saw this review now. xD Thanks Roth! I didn't end up winning the contest because my piece was disqualified because it was too short but that was months ago xD
I am nothing but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's or maybe like pocket candy that's just a bit too sweet.
Two words. Loved. It. It was easy to relate to, and wonderfully sarcastic. It was very realistic, exactly how a normal teenage girl would think. Brilliant.
Okay, no grammar stuff. Then I really, really liked it. Your character had a great voice and was genuinely enjoyable. She's quick, witty, and she can make great analogy's to chopsticks that may be a little racist, I'm not sure. Good job. You should get hyped up on cough drops and red bull every day. (That's probably bad for your health.) Keep writing!
I am nothing but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's or maybe like pocket candy that's just a bit too sweet.
I loved this! I laughed so loud, my mother is looking at me weird. I also love the Harry Potter references, im a fan. Well i guess that's it since there's nothing really wrong with this excepted it ended. Keep writing!!
~Life has a song for every moment in life. It is just the matter of finding the right one.~
This was really good and deep and it had a good amount of emotions. This was greatly written! And it's a brilliant story! All of the other reviwers pretty much covered it all! Happy Writing ~Cassie9960~
i loved this story. mostly because iv'e been in that possition and i get it. partly because i liked the harry potter and asian utensil analogies <3 it was superr good (:
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