Very good writing. Short, sweet, and to the point. Your writing is ncie and doesn't blabber about nonesense that has nothing to do with this topic. I can relate to it. I remember high school always having a crush on someone I knew I'd never get or that would notice me enough to hold a conversation with me. Great job. Keep it up!
Well, after trotting through a few stories in the romance section, I found something I actually like...which is this story. Or whatever you'd call this. It sounds like something you'd tell your children about how you met your husband, which gives it a nice warmth. I love your characterizations; having unnamed stereotypes play out their roles in a realistic situation makes for interesting reading. Good piece, keep writing!
This was a good story, short and to the point. and not to many words. I am not going to repeat what everyone else said. but other than that. its was interesting. keep up the good work. Keep writing
~Life has a song for every moment in life. It is just the matter of finding the right one.~
I love the way you layed this out. It was very creative and capturing. I usually can judge if i will like a piece based on the first two sentences, and I knew i would like yours after the first one. I really enjoyed your style, like i said. I thought it was pretty new. something I haven't really seen or read a lot. Yeah, It was really good, i for one loved it. Although I couldn't connect with "someone else" i understood where it was coming from and i was stilled pulled into believing that this "someone else" became "him". I really loved the end where you jumbled all of the "someone else"s and "him"s. I thought that was really creative, Keep playing around with this form of writing. I thoroughly enjoyed this.
I can most definitely relate to this. I know all Him and I see the other people but no one else compares. You are an amazing writer and I love the tempo you had throughout your piece. It showed great emotion and feeling and I hope to read more of your writing. Keep up the amazing work
I really like the begining of this as it actually made me want to read on. You get a lot of stories, or openings, which you think 'aaa i cant be bothered to read all that' just from the first line; yours was great and thats what made me read on. The personal pronouns 'he and him' make you think of those people who have once been in your own life. However towards the end with all the 'he' 'him' and 'someonelse' 's flying around it became a little jumbled. I dont know if that was on purpose it may have just been me just an observation.
Keep writing.
-jac
Anything different is just an invasion of your livelihood and you will fight to protect it. Answer me this; shouldn’t you be fighting to get out, to be something more? Or do you enjoy being just like the rest? - J.A.C 23/11/10
I liked this. It was very real, and it's what's going through every teenager's head right now. I love how it was so down to earth, and you didn't ruin the personal feel of it by adding useless names. I liked the simplicity as well. This was really good. Nice job!
Awh! I thought this was really neat. Perfect for a one shot. Loved the rhetorical question at the end. The whole vibe of that in general, sweet. Very good. I'd keep it a one shot piece though. Seems to fit better that way.
Whoa - do I know you? One of my close friends expressed this to me in practically the same words. Or maybe it's just a universal thought, just a place we all end up at every once in a while.
I got a little confused toward the end, but that's just because I was wondering about he's and him's and how that same person I mentioned earlier described me as a him and whether or not I really do know you. The second time I read it, it made perfect sense. (Probably like what's going to happen when you read this review.)
Wait a second - she hates Jane Austen. Like really hates her. I guess I don't know you after all.
I like the sincerity in this story. The only thing that could make it better are a couple of synonyms - just a little bit of spice, so to speak.
Anyway, I'm sorry for most likely creeping you out with the "do I know you?" thing, and am just going to stop embarrassing myself by saying that your piece is good and sweet. I really liked it.
Gender:
Points: 1040
Reviews: 11