Young Writers Society

Hello! Due to the amount of reviews you already have acquired, I might not be any help, so I'll just tell you my general opinions on the piece:

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I loved your writing style, it was very unique and kept me guessing the entire time. I also really liked the way that everything was spoken so matter-of-factly, the way it is written works flawlessly to convey the cold and rigid mood of the story.

The only thing I didn't understand was this part:

He was talking of challenges, of a lost job, an unexpected child. They pushed two people from each other.

At first I thought that "they" was the Joneses. Maybe consider re-wording it to something like "The struggles had pushed the two from each other." or something similar.

Excellent work!
-Once

This was pretty good, I liked the style of writing you used for this. Keep it up!

Hi! Teardrop here! First of all, wow. This was really original and beautiful. I couldn't find anything, but I thought that you could have explained the reason they're fighting or elaborated a bit more. But, really that's all I can say. I really enjoyed everything. Nice job!

Thank you so much for entering!

~Tear

Hi, I loved this story. Very imaginative! Your writing flows really well. There were a few things I found confusing, but I'm not picking them out because other reviews have already done so. Anyway, you've had enough constructive critism - you deserve praise for this story - well done!

Hello, and thank you for entering my contest, "The Little Things."

First of all, let me just say how much I love this story. I kinda wish I'd written it, lol. It's exactly the kind of short story that really interests me. I loved how you had a lot of short scenes, hardly any dialogue, and how you really showed things rather than told them. Also you had a lot of really nice little moments. I love that neither Mr. nor Mrs. Jones is given a first name, and I love that the only line of dialogue spoken by either of them is "I love you."

The weeks kind of threw me - just the fact that you started at week three, not week one, and then at the end skipped from week ten to week thirty-eight. I would suggest picking more interval weeks, rather than going three, four, five, six, etc, so that the last gap doesn't feel so odd, but I know you really can't do that, because otherwise Mrs. Jones would be getting noticeably pregnant, so why would she have to tell him the news?

The only thing I really have a complaint about is the way you ended each week - I liked it, I liked the repetition, but in some spots it felt very awkward. I think the most awkward one was "They were doing it again. Why couldn't they keep it up?" Like I said, I like the repetition, but in some weeks I think you should dispense with it - I'd rather see a little less repetition than constant, awkward repetition.

Other than this, though, I loved the story. Sadly I don't know yet if you've won the contest, however, because I still have eight of them left to read. Hopefully I'll have results for everyone soon!

~Blue

I really enjoyed reading this . . . Especially the ending. the way you wrote it made it captivating from start to finish.
Bravo!