Young Writers Society

Eh, my review's kind of long...sorry!

By the way, if they show up side by side like I'm trying to get them to (so I don't take up TOO much space ) then it goes one two three down, then four and five in the next column.

Wow, JFW, thank you so much! It really means a lot that you've taken the time to do that for me! I'll change it.

Learned, I think, is an American thing, I'd get my head bitten off if I wrote it in class here I think .

And I kind of thought that it would be his house, not hers. I don't know. I just saw the scene taking place in someone's living room, though I guess it could be wherever. Do you think I should just say that he pulled her over, so that whoever is reading can use their imagination? Because if you saw it taking place outside and then I kind of break that illusion... do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'll change it.

And as for the whole ." to ," thing, sorry about that, but believe it or not, I have had it explained to me and I shall change it straightaway!

So thanks a million for taking the time to critique!

I liked this. You did very well describing face expressions, and with your dialogue. I didn't find it boring, sappy, or over-dramatic, either. You go, writer!

I loved how you showed that love can overcome anything and it isn't just about all the beauty people make it out to be. It wasn't overly done either. Just the right amount to get across. Well done!