Young Writers Society

How could you realise yo are gay at 13? Eveybody thinks they are gay at 13!

Aedomir > Did you think you were gay at thirteen?

Interesting! I liked it. It was entertaining. I only think i saw about like 1 grammer mistake, but as for the grammer it wasn't bad. I agree with you guys. Orientatian is pretty ovious by the time your 13. I don't know... I'm not a homophobic, but i coudn't imagian not being attracted to girls...

Lmao. Thanks. I laughed out loud when you said you could imagine not being attracted to girls. Typical fourteen year old guy. *pokes own age* As a matter of fact, typical guy, period. Anyway, thanks for the critique. I haven't had one on this in like... a month and a half? And I just edited this one. It's not weird or normal. It's in the middle. Tons of people loved this when I first wrote it. What happened?!

We shared crayons and blocks. We shared snacks and naps and secrets. We lived, laughed, and loved together. But, it's over now. We've grown apart, taken different roads. And all I had were regrets.

I think you should say, We've shared... And all I have are regrets.

Young love. That's what it was. On and off relationships. We thought we knew what we were getting into, but we had no idea.

I would change relationships to an on and off relationship

We knew eachother so well.

each other

It was nothing new when people heard that we were "going out" (again)

Why is going out in inverted commas?

or that we were a couple (again). I think ninth grade is when I realized that I lost out on so much time-time that could have been spent on meeting new people and finding that one guy. I wasted that time on you.

... time. Time that...

Just to find out that you're gay!

You jerk!

And don't even think about calling me.
-Teeya

P.S. And no, my mom's not making your lunch anymore.

HAHA! AT first it's all sweet and stuff, and then you turn into a proper teenager, and it's so funny!

Boa and I have been friends since third grade. In fifth grade, I saved him from getting a referral. The teacher had accused him of pushing a boy, named Bruce, off of the jungle gym. The kid ;anded face first on the ground, but not before hitting his face on the jungle gym and losing seven teeth. I took the blame, because although Boa did it (he had a good reason to), he couldn't afford to get another referral. His dad would beat him to death.

Do we really need to know all of this? Break it up, or get rid of it. I really don't see the point of this being here.

So far it's okay, funny, just not my type of thing. I'll crit the rest of it later, but there's the prologue ans chapter one for now.

Okay, now for chapter 2 and 3!

And it opens with a clang. I peer inside, discovering that the contents of my locker have been disturbed. Nice.

Was the nice sarcastic or something? I would be worried if somebody had gotten into my locker and messed with my things.

I pick up the note, but before I read it, I suddenly wonder who this "intruder" is and why he/she left this book and note in my locker.

I would think it's a normal response to wonder who went into your locker.

***********

I walk home, thinking about the note, the book, and Teeya.

What's with the little stars? Why are they there?

************

Again, why?

Okay, so far it's alright. Not really my sort of thing. I can't say I love your style, but that's just me. It's too simple, and you're not describing anything. It's all telling, and that makes it quite boring.

I'l crit chapter four later.

Ha ha. Thanks Chocoholic. Actually, using your critiques (all of them), I changed this quite a bit and I'm going to post it later tonight. Thanks for the help. Once I post it, I'll PM you so you can just check over it for me if that's okay with you.

The stars *********** are to show that there's a time change. Like, instead of writing [three hours later] I just put ***********. But I don't really like those stars. They get confusing for the readers. So, I'm just going to double space it instead.

By the way, I'd love to know who gave me those gold stars! That's SO nice of you guys!

I open my bedroom door and peer inside, making sure no one's in there. I see a small pile of clothes on my bed. New clothes-bought by Mom.

Why does he need to make sure nobody's in there? And why did his mum buy him clothes?

I pick up the shirt on top. Stripes. Nice. (I love the word nice.) It'll make me look lighter than I am.

Why did you say that he likes the word nice. What's the point of having it there?

She apparently takes no notice to my annoyance, but kept urging me to get ready-insisting that we be there forty-five minutes early "incase any issues arise". Oi. Mothers.

I'm prettyy sure you changed tenses here, though nit doesn't seem odd or anything, so maybe I'm wrong.

Okay, I'm not so into this story anymore. It's just seeming a little... romance. And that's not your fault, it's justthat I don't like romace. And I can't stand Jake!

Lmao. Thanks for this critique too. Not sure why I wrote that he likes nice. Reading back on it, it sounds a bit weird and unnecessary.

Ha. I, personally, love Jake. He's GAY! I mean, come on. Lol. I've always wanted a gay best friend. Hee hee.

Hey again, Monki!

I've got to say, the more I read this story, the more I can empathize with Teeya. It's great that he's found himself, and whatnot, but...ouch. XD You've definitely got a very cute style, and it's easy to read without being overly simplistic. Just right for the story you've got, I think.

One thing that I am probably going to ramble on for eighteen years, though: stereotypes. I have met gay designers and musicians and athletes and Boy Scouts and acolytes and teachers. I've also met gay guys who cannot dress themselves, and lesbians who love to shop. Sexuality doesn't define you; you define sexuality.

With that being said, a teenage boy is still a teenage boy--gay, straight, or bi. You must always remember that you're dealing with a dude. No matter how effeminate, "you go girl" is probably a bit much, unless it's a joke. Be careful with stereotyping. Homosexuality should just be an "extra" part of Jake--it's not on his mind every hour of every day. You don't think of boys/girls constantly, I wouldn't suppose?

So! Be careful. If you don't have anyone to talk to of the homosexual persuasion, read some GLBT literature or get involved with GSA. Stereotyping is easy, but it's not necessarily fair.