Spoiler! :
It was quaint. The little hole in the wall next to the skanky college bar that her university friends had preferred to go to. She shivered against the cold winter wind and drew her sweater closer to her. She clutched her little notebook, the one she had found with the rest of his things. The wind turned bitter, and her nose began to tingle. With a deep breath and plastic smile, she pushed open the door and let the warm smell of slightly burnt coffee and freshly baked goods surrounded her.
She sat down at a quiet, discreet table in the back. She put the notebook, small and silver, down on the table. Then she shut her eyes, trying to ward off the memories that were coming faster then the way-too-perky barista.
She was new, and it was evident. She clutched her copy of Anna Karenina, the book she was supposed to write a script off of, to her chest and looked at the floor. People gave her the looks that clearly read she was a foreigner. Why did she ever move from a big city to a small town? She’s couldn’t remember. She stepped up to the counter, and he leaned forward, flashing her one of those pretty boy smiles.
“Hey,” he said, using a flirty tone. He was cute, she noticed, automatically starting to play with the promise ring on her index finger. She slid it off quickly, dropping it carelessly into her pocket. She flashed him a nervous smile and raised her eyebrows.
“Hey.” She replied, “can I get a hot chocolate and a brownie please?” He pressed buttons on the till, and she discreetly checked him out. She bit her lip, played with her hair, trying to seem more attractive then lost.
“Are you new here?” He asked, ‘two eighty-three.’ She smiled and nodded
“That obvious?” She asked, handing over a five-dollar bill. He chuckled, giving her the change.
“Mira?” the barista had approached the table. Mira looked up and widened her eyes. She smiled that fake smile, and nodded.
“It’s been forever.” The barista continued, “How are you? You look fantastic. It’s been what, four, five months? How’s Andy? Why didn’t he come with you? Give him my love.”
“Hey, Andy, quit flirting, you’ve got work to do.” A barista called. She was just a few inches shorter then she was, with a cherubic face and wicked smile. Andy. She stared at his pretty-boy front man face and made an effort to remember his name. Andy. Andy. It didn’t seem to suit him; he seemed more like a Declan or a Dominic.
“Sure thing, Anna.” Andy called. He handed her the change, the receipt, “Step over there.” He said, pointing, “like Starbucks, your food and drink will arrive over there.”
“Thanks, Andy.” She said, trying too hard to be coy. She began to walk to the other side of the counter, mind-buzzing, heart racing. She wondered what Evan would say. He could have just been a natural flirt. He could have just been being friendly.
“Hey, Anna.” Out loud, her voice sounded worn-down, even more exhausted then she felt. Anna, however, looked better then ever. Her blonde hair was pulled back into an elaborate bun, her cheeks harboring a pinkish glow. Mira looked at the table. She knew she looked disgusting, dressed in an eggplant turtleneck she had practically lived in for the past few months and gross unwashed jeans. Anna was lying through her teeth, a skill she had worked on for all of her forty years. Mira started to draw little circles with her index finger on the cover of the notebook. She hated that thing. Hated it. Yet, lately, it went everywhere with her.
Anna dropped down into the seat across from her and smiled, her gentle, motherly smile. She locked eyes with Mira, and raised her eyebrows.
“Mira. I know something is wrong.” She said, “what is it?” Mira kept the fake smile plastered on her face and pushed her knotty hair from her eyes. Anna wouldn’t believe it. Anna was too smart.
“Your eyes. Really blue.” Andy said, “Kind of like looking into the moon. But not Earth’s moon. Pluto’s moon.” She laughed, wrapping her fingers around the steaming brown mug.
“How do you know what Pluto’s moon looks like?” she asked. Andy smiled at her and winked. He leaned back into his seat and raised his dark eyebrows.
“Because I dream, Mira, I dream.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest. Yeah, and I dream of you instead of Evan, Mira thought, taking a sip from her mug. She always felt so…electrified around Andy, like she could do anything, unlike Evan, who always laughed at her ridiculous dreams.
“I rather like moons.” Andy continued, more to himself. She loved it when he did this, just talked for ages, “they’re lit by the sun, and there’s no gravity. There’s also no air. We should go to the moon.” He was going to say more, but was cut off by Mira pressing her lips to his. She pulled away as quickly as she had leaned over. A deep blush accentuated her cheeks and she sat back down.
“Well, then.” Andy said, “that was unexpected.” Mira looked at the table, embarrassed. She could feel Anna’s big brown eyes on her from behind the counter. She stood up, picking up her bag, pushing her hair from her eyes.
“Classes. Study. University student.” She said quickly. Mira stood up and rushed out of the restaurant without looking back.
Mira sighed and sat back in her chair. She stared at Anna.
“Anna, remember the first day I kissed him. It was into my last term at the university, and I was going to graduate? And Me and Andy were talking and I kissed him?” Anna smiled and nodded.
“Clearly.” She said, “very clearly.” Mira wound a strand of hair around her finger.
“Worst mistake of my life.” Mira sighed, “I should have just moved back to New York, and lived with Evan. Be stuck in a dead marriage by now, all because he ‘loved’ me.” She looked out the window, to the snowy streets.
And she was sure they were crazy. There was hail. There was lightning. But there they were, dancing in the rain. She had a lot to celebrate. She had just graduated university, she had broken up with Evan, and she was with Andy.
“Think we should go back inside?” she called, “Anna may go all mothery on us, and this is your shift.” Andy hugged her tightly. She could feel his heartbeat through his sweater and shirt. She wanted to die in his arms. The electric feeling hadn’t gone away, not even after five months.
“We danced in those streets.” Mira said wistfully, “just after graduation.” Anna frowned.
“The usual?” she asked, “on the house. I’ve missed you, Mira.” She nodded, staring at the silver notebook on the table. It glimmered in the low light, and she ran her fingers over the cover again.
She picked it up, weighing it in her hands. It wasn’t heavy, but it wasn’t light. It was just a dead weight in her hands, just a thing, nothing important. She flipped open the cover, bringing it to her nose so she could smell the inky paper. It was a comforting smell, something she admired.
“So, what is that, Mira?” Anna said, sitting back down. She put the mug of steaming hot chocolate in front of her. She stared into the mug’s contents, letting the steam hit her face.
“It’s nothing,” Mira said quietly, putting the notebook back on the table. She stayed silent for a few more seconds, then looked up at Anna.
“Did we seem happy? I thought we were happy. I thought he was happy.” Mira said.
“What’s this about, Mira?” Anna asked sharply. Mira had always been good at avoiding questions she didn’t like.
“He left, Anna. I just woke up one day, and he was gone.” Mira stared out the window. It was her first time saying it out loud. Andy was gone. He was never coming back. “I found this book in the bedside table. I knew I wasn’t supposed to read it, but he was gone, and I felt like I should, anyway.” Anna, leaned over, placing her little hand over Mira’s.
“What did it say?” Anna asked. Mira turned to look at her, eyebrows raised.
She sat back down on their-her- bed, and opened up the bedside table drawer. Maybe he had left a note, maybe she didn’t have to worry.
It was sitting there, a small silver notebook. She picked up it, letting Andy’s cologne waft from it and up into her nose. She opened the cover, and right there, in robin-eggs blue ink, her favorite colour.
Mira, it read in Andy’s boyish writing, I love you, did you know that? Yeah, you should. If you ever find this, Mi, I want you to burn it. Don’t flip past this page, just burn it. I’ll love you forever, Mira.
Andy
She flipped to the next page, as a curious girl would do. It listed different dates from the past few years, different girls, and different numbers. Mira frowned, and kept flipping through the book.
A few blank pages and another note on the back cover. It was scrawled hastily in red ink. It was one word-Goodbye. Mira put the book back where she found it and slammed the drawer shut.
“He left, Anna. He cheated and left.” Mira pushed the book towards Anna. It was starting to disgust her, the happy silver cover, “it wasn’t something I should have read, but I did anyway.” Anna picked up the book, starting to flip through the pages as Mira continued, “So, I came back here. Like, back to where we met, where it began,” Anna handed back the book, “and I was thinking, if he came back right now, this very second, I would forgive him.”
Both girls looked up, watched the door with bated breath. Nothing. Mira sipped from her mug with a sigh. Yes, she had been hoping that Andy would walk in. She'd push her hair from her eyes, they'd lock eyes, his big eyes would widen even more, he'd apologize and tell her he loved her, she'd forgive him, they'd kiss and ride off into the sunset.
As if.
Nothing. For the full ten seconds that Mira daydreamed, Andy had not snuck in. She propped her elbows on the table, and nursed her mug. She couldn’t remember why she had come in the first place.
"Don't worry, love." Anna said, "thing will turn around."
"Thanks, Anna. I'm just going to go." Mira said.
"Anna!" a worker called, "there's a guy at the back door." he was new. Mira hadn't seen him before. He stared Anna, narrowing his eyes.
"Honestly, Dylan. Let him." Anna tutted and turned back to Mira.
"'Bye then, love. Come back soon." Anna said as Mira stood up. Mira collected the book, broke off a tiny corner of the brownie.
She turned to leave, feeling as hopeless as when she arrived. She began to pull open the door, but slowly, as if she was still hoping he'd show up.
"Mira!" she turned around. His hair was longer, his eyes way bigger. He was tan, very tan for the New York winter. He looked better then he did before, Mira noticed and a smile crept on her face. She handed him the notebook.
“You read it.” He said. His cheeks were adorably pink, and she wanted nothing to kiss him and say she forgave him. He took the book from her hand, their fingers brushing. Mira gave him one last small, sad smile and pulled open the door, leaving the little café. She trudged through the snow with a little smile on her face.
She began to walk home, recalling an old quote.
Any world that I'm welcome to is better than the one I come from.
:D I loved this so very much.
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