Young Writers Society

His hair had frozen in the first stages of thinning. Too far back for his age, too little gone to look really distinguished. Though it didn't matter because his hair was so blond it was hard to tell where it started or left off anyway.

~

He had never been teased when he was in school, he told me once. He didn't understand the idea behind it.

He didn't understand a lot of things.

Like how it didn't bother me if he hummed

but it did if he was silent.

~

He bothered me a lot.

~

He was surprised when his glasses misted over. He pulled them away from swollen red eyes and examined them as if he'd never seen such a thing before.

~

"Would it bother you?" he asked me once. "To sit next to me?"

I asked what he meant.

"I'm sorry. It was a stray thought. Forget I asked."

I didn't.

~

There were many things we didn't talk about.

Money.

Sports.

The weather.

Her.

Instead we talked about many other things.

Angels.

Copiers.

Fumigation.

Not-Her.

~

He swam, he told me. He didn't laugh when I told him I had never learned and he offered to teach me.

I said no.

~

He never seemed to be disappointed.

~

I noticed that we never did sit next to one another.

~

His coffee cup would refill without him touching it.

He only asked about it once.

I told him elves must have done it.

"Coffee elves?" he asked, one eyebrow, so pale it barely existed, raised.

For some reason, I wasn't sure if I was being teased or if I was frightened.

~

He only hummed when he forgot where he was.

~

He didn't scramble or look flustered when I found him at the bus station at nearly ten. He simply turned away, removing his glasses and peering at them through tears he was too well-bred to wipe with his sleeve.

He didn't ask me to go away.

I didn't ask him what was wrong.

I just sat down, my back against his.

"I don't have a tissue," I told him.

~

Swimming made his back broad. I didn't notice until one day when I noticed a wrinkle stretching across his shoulders from underarm to underarm. He slipped off his jacket and examined the back seriously when I pointed it out.

"No there isn't."

"There was."

He didn't argue, just slipped the jacket back on over arm garters

and starched collar.

"Thank you," he said.

"You're welcome."

Then as he turned away, I noticed the way his arms weren't swinging anymore.

~

"Would you like to sit by me?" I asked.

He looked over at my chicken salad.

His phone rang.

"Excuse me, " he said, invisible brows knitting together in apology, and he moved on.

I realized I'd never seen him eat.

~

"Do you think it's possible," he asked, voice vibrating through the back of my ribcage, "to believe in two different things at the same time?"

"Yes."

He turned and looked at me, a hand supporting me where his back had left.

Without his glasses, his eyes were green.

~

I'd met her.

I liked her.

~

"Did you cut your hair?" he asked, two months after I'd gotten it done. My ends were splitting again and my highlights had faded.

"Yes, I did."

~

He hummed pop songs from the eighties. They'd get stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

~

He held the door for everyone, even when it held him back. He never said anything about it, but he never objected when I waited across the way for him, letting the river of people subside.

~

"I'm not going to forget her," he said, green eyes rimmed with pink instead of white. "But this isn't what this is about."

"I wouldn't think less of you if it were."

"Thank you." His hand was warm on my back. "But it isn't."

~

I found a twist of taffy next to his coffee cup when he was away. A note was scribbled in a surprisingly rounded hand.

'For the coffee elves,' it read on a yellow sticky note.

~

He had little dimples on either side of the bridge of his nose, left by the supports of his glasses.

~

"Is this seat taken?"

I looked up and he sat down, glasses perched on the very tip of his nose and one brow raised.

~

His breath tickled with the remnants of repressed sobs. It made me pull away more than the kiss he pressed just above the left corner of my mouth.

~

She'd left him behind. She'd shook his hand and kissed his cheek as she apologized. She had a better future ahead of her in other places.

He hadn't begrudged her. It'd been two years now.

~

"I'm sorry," he said, his hand lifting from my back.

"Don't be."

"I didn't mean-"

"What happened?"

"This is just... I'm a bit drunk at the moment."

"Mmm, I can see that." His kiss tasted of wine when I touched it with my tongue.

"I'm sorry."

"It's all right. We'll get you home, you'll get a good night's sleep and we'll talk in the morning, hmm?"

I called him a cab and kissed his nose after I tucked him into the seat.

~

"I have a confession to make," I said as he cracked open a hard-boiled egg. He turned to me, his lips suddenly tight.

I leaned forward.

"I'm the coffee elf."

Oh my gosh I loved it >.<

I had absolutely no idea what was going on but I loved it anyway :3 Since I've never read this kind of style before, I don't know how to critique it...

This was just.... ugh I really loved it :3 I don't know.... it just flowed really well and I loved the emotion that was portrayed in such little words. This was really great and I absolutely loved it. Although, I only got the gist of what was going on. His girlfriend dumped him because she was going somewhere for her future? And he was depressed and the MC helped with that? Am I right? I don't know, I think that's the only thing you should elaborate a little more... somehow....

I also loved the whole thing with the coffee elf :3 it was so cute and it was such an innocent response. Is the something wrong with the boy, though? It seems like there's just something wrong with his head? I don't know if the sadness is clouding his mind, or what, but he seems fascinated by the littlest things. Also, there were some parts where the scene was one thing, then there was a break and it was somewhere else, but then there was another break and it seemed as if they were back to where they were before? I don't know... there was a part where he turned around and put his hand on her back to support her, then there were a few breaks, and then it said "his hand was warm on my back" and it seemed like they were back to the scene beforehand.

Maybe that's just me? But anyway, I really loved this!

For some reason the ~'s kind of distracted me just a little bit, but I'm sure that has more to do with me than the ~'s themselves. The only other thing is that I'm not sure about the ending because it seemed as though there should be more after it, but I can't offer any suggestion as far as that goes because I'm just not sure about endings in general.

One thing that I definitely enjoyed about this was how the whole "coffee elves," aspect of it wasn't actually cheesy like it could have been. I'll be honest and say that I was fully expecting it to be a little cheesy, but you pulled the whole thing off very well and it wasn't cheesy. It was sweet, romantic, bittersweet, and incredibly interesting.

Hello there.

I'll begin with the nitpicks and then go on with my overall impression on your story.

Not Her.

He turned and looked at me, a hand supporting me where his back had been.

This sounds better.

Without his glasses, his eyes were green.

This sentence looks a little bit weird, since his eyes would still be green with his glasses. I'm sure his eyes don't change color like that, do they? Try: Without his glasses, his eyes were a shade of green, so much different from the faded color they seemed to be behind their glass walls.

The style seems really weird, and it's disorienting. The way it's in small parts, I'm not sure I like it...
The MC could be a little more characterize, since there's no real details about her personality. I liked that it was focused on the guy though, since the MC would only think about him, and not her.

Overall, I liked the idea of the story, and it's original, but the format was a little confusing for me. Maybe it's just me that can't read a original format though.

Keep on writing!

-Other One

I only saw one thing that I was confused about for the longest time. I think it's just me, because I get confused about this a lot, but it goes with the comment on characterization (because it is VERY much needed). Can we specify really early on that our MC is a girl? I thought it was a young man talking to an older man. It was okay for a bit, until you got to the hand-on-his back part, then I thought, okay, maybe really young guy? Like eight?

Just a thought.

Well, I enjoyed this one but im not really sure i get it. I mean, I really dont understand the story or the point really. And i dont like the wayy its all broken up. It was good but it needs at lot of work.

I liked it in general. My iPod decided to play Last Kiss by Taylor Swift, though, so that may intensified the likability of this story.

I didn't really get what was going on. I don't think I'm supposed to.

At first, I thought it was about the girl's grandfather that had Alzheimer's or something similar. But after they kissed, it changed.

Beyond that, I didn't get any idea of it. I think as long as you explain most of those actions later on, then this style should be fine.

Keep writing! :]

Ok.
Guy with platinum blonde hair, green eyes and glasses? Check
Girl who thinks she's falling for him? Check
Heart break? Check
Coffee elves? Check

Well, everything seems to be in working order here, let's take her out for a spin, shall we?
Well, I though this was quite interesting to read. I like the male character, he seems lovely to be friends with. Also, I quite admired the female character. She has quite a way of looking at things, doesn't she?
But seriously, I love the idea of coffee elves
Keep writing!
Georgie x

Aaaaw, this is so sweet!

You have a really good piece here. I didn't see any grammatical mistakes and you tell the story well
But there are a couple of things that you could explain a bit better:
What happened to his girlfriend (or friend) (or sister)?
What does the our main character girl look like?
I was thinking they might be in school but which? Especially if he was drinking wine since he doesn't seem one to drink when he's underage.

Other than those this is a really nice story. It was adorable and sweet and made me feel happy after I read it.

Keep writing,
Alzora