Young Writers Society

scooby snacks

That is really good! Awwww poor guy!

bravo! what a perfect image of what it's like to get your heart broken.

I really liked it too. It's funny how it sounds like something i would write when I'm not doing 18th century stuff. Can't wait to hear more!

Good narrative in the character's mind, and excellent imagery. Great job, Jack.

Way Hay!! Great work Jack!

~Lollipop~

Well. This certainly had some emotion. That's good. I really enjoyed this peice,
and wish I could give you a proper review but I'm tierd as Hell. Bye now.

You did a really, really good job! The "countdown" was a great idea and was really effective, too!

Really good job! Loved it

I liked your story a lot! there was a lot of good material and great ideas. I liked the five steps of doom thing a lot also. I would say though, that maybe you should do it "step style". (ex. Step 1- "quote" Step 2- "quote") It is a simple change that I think would actually be really helpful to the quality of your story. I also think you should have the main character go into his feelings more when he's not saying anything, before the girl walks out. It basically only says "i didn't say anything, and she left" and that type of line doesn't intrigue the reader or tell them or show them what the MC is thinking. I also didn't really understand why he was freaking out hen she was only five minutes late, maybe you should let his anger build a little more slowly in that part. Over all the story was really good, and I liked the idea. Just revise it one more time and make a few changes and you're good to go.
(:
PM me if you have any questions or you didn't understand what I was saying.

I loved this! The emotion was great, and the countdown was genius! Keep it up!

I liked this. It has the imagery i can never seem to do. Anyway, it was also a little bit confusing as to who was speaking (but you cleared it up at the end) Weird but well written. Keep writing!!

Very old and no longer in need of reviews. Thanks anyway!

*LOCKED*