Young Writers Society

Hi ya!
Okay, so, straight to the review.

But no, your not Prince Charming

the your should be a you're, common mistake...

Your you

same thing...

I amn't meaning to be soppy

Uh, I think you mean don't there, hard to tell what that word is...

I know that it's traditional for the guy to ask, but to hell with traditions.. Marry me someday?

The very best part of the piece. I loved it!
I thought it was very sweet! Keep writing!

Hey there, here to lend a review for you.

The sight of your face, flawlessly sculpted, sends a burst of sunshine erupting sparks within me.  

Those eyes, when they look into mine, I'm oblivious to all else (There should be a period here instead.) - I can see only you, (period, no comma) only the reflection of who I am with you. 

Those lips, absent-mindedly arousing a desire which had once been unknown to me. (I love this line a lot. Great work!)  

I've been searching and searching, like a helpless maiden in quest of her prince.  

But no, you're not Prince Charming(,) and I'm no Cinderella; (I don't think there's much use for a semicolon here. Try a period.)  

You haven't rode up on a stallion and I haven't left a glass slipper for you to find. It's better than that..  

You're my 21st century Knight-in-shining-armour (knight needs no capitalization. Also, add a period after this.) And me? I'm just the girl who got lucky.  

I may have not left a clue, but you didn't need that.  

I amn't (I'm not sure "amn't" is a word. "I'm not" would work better.) meaning to be soppy, (Do you mean "sappy"?) but fate is fate - We've changed fate.  

Moulded it according to our own whims and wants - Is that not what was considered impossible?  

You're you(,) and I'm me. This, right here, is real. 

I know that it's traditional for the guy to ask, but to hell with traditions.. Marry me someday?

I think this was alright, but it probably could've been written a little better. I feel like you could have added a bit more depth maybe. As far as the grammatical errors, those're easy to fix. Good first draft I think. Maybe try editing it a little bit though.

Hey there

So... the others basically got all the grammar and spelling stuff, so I'll just make comments on content and stuff.

The first paragraph is okay as it is, but I feel like it needs to be more intense. When I think of this one guy (don't ask questions - let's just say he's unbelievably gorgeous) and I think of his face, I feel more than what you've described. When I think of his eyes, I feel more than what you've described. When I think of his lips... well, I basically feel what you've described, but it should still be written clearer. I understand that all these feelings will be different for everyone, but can you honestly say that when you see his face, a burst of sunshine is sent and sparks erupt within you?

I didn't mind the Cinderella analogy, but it got old around the "knight in shining armor" line, basically because Cinderella is a huge romantic cliche', along with Romeo and Juliet (so don't use that either).

It's cute; from what you have here, I don't think you were going for cute. I'm assuming you were going for serious, and to sound serious you have to use serious diction (word choice). If you weren't going for serious, you should probably nix the proposal

Good work, keep writing, that is all.

Ooh I get where you're coming from.. I'll edit it a little.
Thank you so much for the advice everyone.

First off, the goodies. There's great emotion, and I love it! You can tell what's going on between the two. And I also love the last line. It brings humor into it, when before it was all so serious.

The part where it said "What are we? Two kids inlove?"
I believe there's a space between "in" and "love", other than that, I don't really see much that I could point out. It's great!