Once upon a time, you made me smile.
Honest, my heart would jump up to my throat, shouting "Oh NO!" yet at the same time shouting "Oh YES!" because I didn't know how to react but was completely thrilled to see you.
You made my palms sweat, and whenever I would comment on that you'd just hold them tighter, smile ever so casually and say, "I like it though." You always did know exactly how to put me at ease. Somehow, I have no idea how, you convinced me that I was exactly right for you. Perfect, in a way. Can you believe that? Perfect, me? The same me who snorts when she laughs too hard? The same me who has bad hairdays almost any other day? In what world - no, universe - is that even an option? In your world, I guess, because I refuse to believe you had lied to me.
We're so dramatic it's funny. Or almost funny, 'cause you and I aren't exactly laughing right now. We got really caught up in all the "who texted who" drama and "he didn't say it first".
I knew right off the bat that something will go wrong. I told you so, too. You had that innocent smile on, and tried to reassure me so hard, tried to make me believe that no, as a matter of a fact, not all good things will have to end - you'll see - this won't end.
It ended.
Haha.
And, you see, it's not like it's this big thing at all on the surface. I can't even be mad at you. You didn't cheat on me. We didn't get in a huge fight. We just faded apart... Your stories got more and more boring, that dimple I always said was adorable was getting on my nerves, the way you hugged me didn't feel special anymore. You stopped blushing when I wrapped my hands around you from behind, and made that awful, impatient noise when I couldn't do the Math homework right, and you never walk me home anymore.
It's simple. It's time.
Some things fade.
Yes, we just faded away... on the surface. On the inside, inside my heart, it feels like we burned apart. How can such a shy word such as 'fade' describe my entire world crashing to bits? Every step you took away from me was filled with so many tears that never left my eyes. Every grey shade that added to the glazed look in your eyes was accompanied with a thousand screams from my heart, begging that somehow, please God, just somehow, don't let this end.
I watched us burst into flame. I watched us go down, in a beautiful spiral over the background of the midnight sky that lies inside my inner world. You can't tell me you didn't know, couldn't tell that this was happening. You knew. We both did. We just didn't know what to do about it. How to save this... How to love again.
We're burning apart, there is but one thread holding us together, and it's already charcole black and crumbling. When I look into your eyes, do you know what I think? I think, "Once upon a time, you made me laugh. But you don't anymore. So I'm sorry, but maybe... maybe I have to go."
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