Lying in my bed with the covers twisted around my body, I stared up at the ceiling with a scowl. I was determined not to close my eyes; if I did, I knew I’d wake up to a brand new day. February the fourteenth. I winced. So, yes. I was being childish. Lying awake all night wasn’t going to make V-day disappear, but in my mind, it postponed its arrival.
I sat up slightly and reached over to turn on my bedside lamp. A soft, orange glow shone just bright enough so that I could read the clock on my bedroom wall. I sighed. I’d gone to bed at ten-forty, and even though it had seemed like I’d been lying here for an eternity, it was only eleven-thirty. Still, at least its not V-day yet.
I wriggled back under my duvet, pulling it up to my chin, before resuming staring at the ceiling. Biting back a pout, I suddenly felt embarrassed. Bianca would laugh if she knew what I was doing right now, Zoey too. But they both had people to share V-day with. Bianca had Scott and Zoey had Alec. Kayla even had Laurence, a guy in her French class who had asked her out on more than one occasion, still to no avail. I think Kayla’s holding out for Leo now.
Maybe it was just the thought of having to listen to the girls gloat about how many cards they received or everyone being in a soppy mood, but my stomach whirled uncomfortably. And then my mind rested on Dougie. I wonder if he’s nervous about tomorrow? But why would he need to be nervous? It’s not like boys get all overly excited about V-day the way girls do. Or do they? I mean, some boys go the whole mile and do the flowers, chocolates and card combo and others do the romantic meal or date to the cinema. I wonder what Dougie would be like? Sure, he’s not an overly, showing of emotions type, but I suppose he could surprise me and everyone else he knows.
Suddenly, my heart stuttered on an idea that seemed to come out of nowhere. What if Dougie brought me a card? I blinked hard and buried my face in my duvet. We had become a lot closer recently and he had got all annoyed when Jason had complemented me last year. What if he had been jealous because he liked… I abruptly cut myself off from feeling embarrassed and tried desperately to come up with an excuse for imagining Dougie as my valentine. But I couldn’t. So I forced myself to be honest. How would I really feel if he brought me a card? I guess. It’s not like. Well, I suppose. I suppose I wouldn’t mind.
The next thing I knew, my eyes sprung open against my pillow and a dread filled thought crossed my mind. It was here. A kaleidoscope of butterflies had descended into my stomach and it felt like my insides were in a giant knot as I leaned across to turn off my bedside lamp; my room now flooded with natural light. I rubbed my eyes roughly before sitting up in bed just before my bedroom door creaked open. I peered up through still bleary eyes to see Mum standing in my doorway, dressed for work with a smile on her face.
“Happy Valentines day, Imogen.”
I felt myself shudder. There was going to be nothing happy about it, that I was sure of.
I spent the rest of the morning procrastinating; washing up, taking out the rubbish, tidying my room. But by eleven thirty I finally had no other choice but to get ready for college.
“Merry Valentines day!” Bianca exclaimed into my ear as she enveloped me in a giant hug.
“Uh, yeah,” I replied as she let go of me and sat back down at the lunch table.
I was just about to take the seat beside her when Kayla spoke up from across the table.
“What’s with your clothes?” she asked, an inquisitive frown on her face.
“Don’t worry.” I smiled reassuringly. “I’m not going to go all weird on you. I’m just… In mourning. Yeah, in mourning.”
Zoey’s brow furrowed and I noticed that Bianca was also looking at me strangely; her usually pretty face was warped with confusion.
“Why?” Kayla pressed.
I gave her a sympathetic look. “Because it’s the dreaded V-day.”
Kayla snorted. “So you’re dressed all in black because it’s Valentines day?”
I nodded and Bianca rolled her eyes at me. It was only then that I noticed what she was wearing and I wasn’t really surprised. Pink. Lots of it; light pink t-shirt, hot pink skirt and a cerise hair band. I, however, had taken care not to wear anything pink or red when getting ready this morning.
“I think I’m dressed quite appropriately, actually.”
“Sometimes, I really wonder about you, Imo.” Zoey’s voice was light as she waved a half eaten apple at me from next to Kayla.
I shrugged, crossed my eyes and then finally sat down beside Bianca.
A couple of minutes later, after having surveyed the lunch room at a loss, I frowned.
“Where’s Dougie?” I asked.
“I haven’t seen him today,” Bianca replied and Zoey shrugged. Kayla, however, was giving me one of her knowing smiles.
“Maybe he’s with Jason,” Zoey offered.
Or maybe he’s got the right idea and has stayed home today. I couldn’t deny the feeling that suddenly possessed me. Disappointment. Maybe I secretly wanted a card from him after all.
“So you’re in mourning on one of the best days of the year, besides Christmas and my birthday, obviously,” Zoey said, as we walked towards our Psychology classroom.
I nodded. “Yep. I’ve never really liked Valentines day.”
“But why?” she asked. “You get free presents.” She let her mouth stay open slightly, making her look shocked.
“I know,” I replied. Actually I didn’t know, having never actually gotten anything on V-day, but I wasn’t about to let Zoey in on that embarrassing fact. “I guess I just can’t do lovey dovey couples and gushing girls.”
“So you’re wearing black to let everyone know that you hate, what did you call it, V-day?”
“Yep. Although I suppose it’s more for me. Like I’m secretly rebelling.”
“By refusing to enjoy Valentines day?”
I nodded again.
Zoey suddenly stopped, pulling me to a halt, too. She then rapped me lightly on the head with her knuckles and strained her ears as if listening out for something.
“Nope. Sounds hollow to me.”
I rolled my eyes at her before dragging her by her sleeve into the classroom. Seconds later, though, I immediately wished that I’d bypassed the classroom completely.
“Ooh!” Zoey exclaimed. “Looks like someone’s got a V-day surprise!”
I could feel my throat closing up on me. “No. It’s on your side of the table.”
She tugged out of my now weak grip and started towards our desk. “Lets have a look at the name on it, shall we?”
“Zoey!” I exclaimed, rushing forwards to try and beat her there. Unfortunately, she’d had a head start.
“Imogen Taylor,” she said smugly, drawing out every single syllable.
I wanted to curl up and die.
“Any other Imogen Taylor’s in this room apart from you?” she teased, waving the sickly pink envelope at me.
The butterflies were back and my head felt suddenly light. I stumbled the rest of the way to the desk before falling into my chair and snatching the card from Zoey.
“Open it,” she demanded, when she saw that I was planning on stashing the card in my bag.
“Zoey,” I whined. “I really don’t think that’s a good--”
“--Open it!”
I sighed loudly and leaned back in my chair as I started to undo the envelope. Zoey’s expression was impatient but I was purposely going as slowly as I could.
“I’ll be dead soon,” she said, sitting down beside me and poking me in the shoulder.
I pointedly ignored her and carried on peeling the paper open at a snails pace. Then a thought hit me, causing my heart to beat faster and my palms to sweat. What if it's from Dougie? At least that would explain why he hadn’t been at the lunch table with us. I increased me speed ever so slightly as I tore the last part of the envelope open, revealing an equally sickly pink card inside. Keeping it close to my chest so that Zoey couldn’t read it or snatch it off of me, I looked down at the picture on it. My hope vanished. There was a picture of a teddy bear holding a balloon in the shape of a heart. No. Dougie would never buy a card like that. It had to be from someone else. But who? A queasy feeling, matching that of the butterflies, filled my stomach as I hastily opened up the card. He hadn’t even bothered to sign it as a secret admirer. There, at the bottom of the card in red biro, was Jared’s name. He just doesn't know when enough is enough.
My head spinning, I didn’t even protest as Zoey took the card away from me. I did, however, notice the look that appeared on her face as realisation dawned. Her heavily made up eyes widened and her mouth opened in a silent ‘oh’.
“Oh my God,” she said, her voice quiet. “I knew he fancied you. I just knew it. What if he starts stalking you again? I mean, he does seem pretty weird. Bianca and I were only discussing it a couple of days ago.”
I took the card from her hands and shoved it into my bag before shrugging weakly. “I don’t know, Zoey. I mean. I don’t know.”
It was the truth. I really didn’t know what to make of the card. I felt my heart thump against my ribs roughly. I’ve already told him that I don’t like him and he still gives me a card. It’s not illegal; freedom of speech and all that, but surely, if you know that a girl doesn’t like you, you’d give up and move on. That’s what any sane guy would do but then this was Jared; the boy who had followed me around like a lost puppy since college had started five months ago. He was also the guy who had tried to blackmail me into becoming his girlfriend. My stomach churned at the image of him; his hair always looked like it had been spiked up using half a tub of lard and his piercing blue eyes seemed to probe my mind. It was like an electric current had just coursed through my veins as a thought dawned on me. What if he is changing his clothes and hair and everything else, for me? I hadn't seen him wear his tracksuit since the day I'd told him it made him look like a thug. My spine tingled.
I pleaded with the rational part of my brain for a way out of this and only one choice came back. I had to tell him, clear and simple, that we weren’t ever going to go out. Harsh, but maybe just harsh enough to get through that thick skull of his.
I’d spent the remainder of the Psychology lesson, ignoring Jared’s burning gaze on my back and wondering how Dougie would react to my very first Valentines card. I didn’t have to wait very long to find out, though, as I bumped into him on my way out of college. Apparently he had been with Jason at lunch. I felt myself smile smugly as he told of how they’d eaten lunch on the field to avoid all of the loved up couples and squealing girls.
“So, lets see it then,” he said, holding his hand out for me to give him the Valentines card from Jared.
I stopped on the pavement outside of the local shop to route around in my bag. Finding the pink card, I handed it to Dougie. I watched a grimace appear on his face.
“Seriously. What guy would buy a card like this?”
I held my breath as Dougie opened up the card and began to read. I’d avoided telling him who the card was from, but I hadn’t been able to pass up telling him about the card all together. Maybe, in some bizarre, twisted way, I wanted him to feel bad about not giving me a card himself.
I watched as he scanned the writing inside the card and I breathed out a sigh of relief as his aqua eyes lit up.
“Jared!” He laughed, turning and thrusting the card back at me. “Of course. He’s the only guy who would buy a card like that. I mean, teddy bears and heart-shaped balloons?”
“I know.” I smiled, tucking the card back inside my bag. “Eww.”
Dougie grinned and his eyes seemed to twinkle. “Exactly. You hate all that mushy stuff, hence why you’re wearing all black.”
I could feel my cheeks burning. I knew that he was aware of my dislike of soppy stuff, but I had no idea that he’d cottoned on to how much I hated V-day. Wow, he really does know me. My heart swelled at this and I forgot my blushing cheeks.
“I mean, if I were going to give you a Valentines card,” Dougie continued, “I’d get one with the least amount of pink on it, with simple words. That way, I could always add to it without it looking cheesy or cliché.”
I grinned, until I realised that Dougie was no longer laughing. Instead, he seemed to have taken a particular interest in his shoes.
Wow. Had he been… serious? Not giving my blood enough time to flood to my cheeks again, I leaned forward and poked him on the arm. He looked up shyly.
“Yeah, and if I were gonna get you a card, I’d pick the one with the cheesiest line ever. I know how much you love disgustingly romantic poems.”
Dougie’s shyness disappeared at once. “Yep. I write them in my spare time.”
“Well done, Doug. No use denying it,” I said, glad that my calm and witty facade was holding up when my heart was beating triple time in my chest.
“Good old Valentines day.” Dougie smiled, slinging his arm around my shoulders and pulling me forwards with him. “Where would we be without it?”
Clueless about being in love with my best friend, that’s where.
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