Young Writers Society

just something short and sweet. enjoy CL

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Sometimes the feeling is there, but only sometimes and that makes me wonder if it’s real. Because how can something be real and true especially this, if it’s not constant? Isn’t its strength in its consistency? Or has all this staring at you upside down rotted my brain out? But it feels real. Does its tangible affect make it real or it’s it all the mind? It makes me wonder. It makes me wonder a lot of things, and you never thought I was much of a thinker. I’m not really. But this has been itching me, ever since your smell of foreign cigarettes and faint touches cause such a stirring in my brain. I’d like to ask you about things about this, but I’m too afraid. Too afraid that my questions would indite commitment and you would walk away. I’m afraid of questions and you’re afraid of commitment, such the pair we make. But the feeling is still there. It’s soft and warm, and makes my extremities tremble as it snakes up my skin and through my blood. It spoons me into a day dreamy aura, where nothing really maters unless it’s about you and me. Then it’s gone, before I can grasp hold and keep it. Before I can write down all the effects it causes. The shivering of my flesh, the goosebumps and the tranquility. I wish it would stay longer, but each time it flees and I feel empty. So perhaps this is real, perhaps it is fantasy, perhaps it is all in my mind. But only sometimes.

Many people haven't critiqued this...I wonder why. I think you're a great writer and have great ideas. Too bad no one else has read this because I loved it. Especially your use of words. My only critique is that you post more! LOL My absolutely favorite part was:

Too afraid that my questions would indite commitment and you would walk away. I’m afraid of questions and you’re afraid of commitment, such the pair we make. But the feeling is still there. It’s soft and warm, and makes my extremities tremble as it snakes up my skin and through my blood.

I had a lot more, basically the whole paragraph was my favorite. I hope I get to read more of your stories because so far everything I've read I loved.

For me, it was a little hard to read. I think more people would probably read it if you broke it up a little and made smaller chunks to help people get thier mind around it. Though I don't quite know where I would put the breaks. Other than that, it was over too soon, but it was really good.

You are really good. To put so much feeling into one little part. You didn't use sensory overload and you used real characters. Not the perfect *couldn't think of getting a pimple* pepole come up with.

I really like this. I like that there is more of a focus on the words then who the character is. This is great I also really liked the flow and tone of this story. The mystery is great too. Keep up the good work.