Young Writers Society

A moth died today. The lights went out, so the candles were lit. Unbelievably, the moth headed straight for the flame and was burned to death. In a cruel twist of fate, he put out the flame when he crashed into it. This is written for them, the moth and the flame, may they be together in heaven.

Moth:
I fear to draw nearer lest I be consumed by your fire. Yet, I can hardly help myself as I gaze at your light. Inexorably, I am drawn to you. You trap me in your glow; you tempt me by your warmth. And I flutter closer, like a timid lover, asking may I? And your gentle dance of light and shadow is all the answer I ever get.

Flame:
You come to me from beyond my light. A mystery of wings and sparkling dust. You stare, you draw nearer… and I long to feel the feather light touch of your wings upon me. You flutter, you stare, seemingly transfixed by my light, but a single touch and you draw away sharply. Do I disgust you? I wonder. Why then do you continue to circle me? Why not draw near, and then stay?

Moth:
I could not help it. I came too close to you and—was rewarded sharply for my foolishness. How can I hope to be able to grasp one such as you? I am a mere nothing. Born into this world one day, and gone the next, with no importance whatsoever. And there you are, bright, beautiful flame! A gift from the gods themselves. I drew nearer, hope swelled within me, your light blinded my eyes and lit up my heart. I stretched my wings to touch you, gently, reverently—and oh! You scorned me. You burned me.

Flame:
Will you simply circle until I am consumed completely? As the night drags on, my candle grows shorter and so does my life. Will you not come closer and keep a lonely soul company for the rest of her life? You fear me, or I disgust you—I know not which, nor why. I ask nothing but a gentle kiss to get me through the darkness which I know shall come. Flutter closer, beautiful creature. Do you not like my light? Are you not drawn to the warmth of my flame in this dark, cold night?

Moth:
You know not how you torture me. You with your own flutter, that flicker, that ignites the cold depths of my heart. You dance gently with light and shadow and I want nothing more than to brush my wings against you and join you in your movement. You must know how you tempt me. You must know how you draw me in by your beauty. I am far from you, and the coldness of my soul is unbearable. I draw nearer, and your burn my body. Douse your fire, I beg you. End my misery, for if I cannot have you, then I beg that you flicker out of my life.

(*sob sob sob*)
How touching, how emotional, an excellent piece of work.
I had tears in my eyes, and when my brother asked me about them, I told him," You just wait and read this tragedy. The poor moth got scorched by the flame who is hurt because he drew away."
Of course, having nor read the story, he laughed.
Anyway, its superb in every way: language, dialogue, first impression, All A-standard.
Keep up the good work!

Hello there!

I don't have any nitpicks for you, I'm so sorry... It's really rare I don't give some, but to be frank, I didn't even scan for them, I was so caught up in the story.
This is excellent. I love the way you wrote it, and the originality of it. The words you used are perfect, and... Well, I've got nothing more to say. I am speechless. Great job!

Keep writing.

-Other One

I really liked that story. It's a really original idea. I think your word choice was excellent. The thoughts and feelings of the moth and flame were really well explained and the story. It really brought out the sadness, making this a wonderfully written tragedy.

Ahhhhh. I actually loved this. The originality was so refreshing, it's really quite clever and the best part is the simplicity; this makes it almost beautiful

Who knew you could turn a Moth and Flame into a romance.

Really it is impressive

-J.A.C

That was a really beautiful piece! I liked how the moth and the flame can be compared to people, which is actually kind of sad. The description and the emotion were amazing, like I could envision getting closer to the flame, and the flame, being teased and lonely. Excellent job!

This was actually...just...foof it was too good.
To me this seemed more like a poem then a story, like a sonnet.
Just so lovely, I was completely court up in it. What I especially liked was the imagery and the very emotive language you used.

My new favorite YWS post
xxx