.

Removed

I'm not sure why this is in romantic stories, but I really liked it anyways. Your hook was excellent. It told me right off who the main character was and something about his relationship with his father. You developed Christian very well through his actions towards the starving boy and the reindeer as well as his father. The dialogue exchanges were great.

I wondered if you could give us a little more background on his father? He seemed sad. Is there a reason for that? One quick mention of this would work just fine.

Also, I wasn't sure what time period this was in. Today? Mid-1800's? Maybe add a little more detail about your setting as well.

The only other thing I question is having a pet reindeer. I don't know how realistic that is. Not my choice of pet, for sure. But hey, to each his own.

All in all, great story. Keep writing!

Enigma-

Thanks! However, this story isn't over. There's much much more to come.

Ah. Cool, let me know when you post more.

This is really nice I like it

Hey Elinor!
I'm Mizz Iceberg. Nice to meet you.

This is an interesting story. I feel I have to read more of it to get a better idea of it, but it starts off interestingly enough. I'm not sure what age Christian is, but he seems like a young boy, probably somewhere between the ages 6-11. If he is older, then you'll have to work on your voice. Christian at this point doesn't interest me too much to be honest. He seems like a good, good kid and that's all. I have not seen his flaws. Flaws are always more interesting and very necessary. He's a cardboard character of what a good boy is supposed to be. Of course you're going to add more to the story so perhaps you'll flesh him out more later on. I'm a little careful about judging this chapter because I really don't know what you have planned ahead. Some thing you need to keep in mind though is the originality of the plot and characters. I think you also need to give some more depth to the father. He doesn't see the point of sharing and doesn't see the spirit of Christmas. Is there a reason why? Why did he not like it that Christian was sharing with the boy? If he's an irritable man who doesn't like dillydallying and doesn't want to be bothered to go the store again, then show us that. Or is he just plain mean? If it's the latter, then it's not very interesting because you've got yourself a flat, one dimensional character. Just keep these things in mind for the upcoming chapters.

One more thing:

‘There there,’ said Christian calmly, getting a bucket of carrots from the nearby stable. Rudolph seemed surprised, perhaps wondering what he had done to deserve such a treat.

In my experience, animals rarely seem surprised or wonder why they're being given a treat. They just chomp it up.

Overall I think the story is well written. The characters need be fleshed out more and the plot I hope is more original than 'a good boy with a bad father who doesn't want him to be good, but the good boy changes his father and shows his father the meaning of Christmas'. Of course I may be completely off the mark, but that's the general feeling I got.

Good luck! And let me know if you post more! I'd like to follow this story.

Whhhhhat? Where did it go? I thought this period as the title thing was purposely put as the title and I figured it would be awesome. What happened?

I'm taking it down for revisions/reworking and such.