Butterfly Kiss

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Okay. Clarification. The story takes place in a theater. It is not a play. They are just sitting on the stage. She does not shift to a bed. She falls asleep in the theater. Now we are clear.

Seth laughed- a hearty chuckle-and hauled himself onto the stage. I didn't know where Rose was- Probably off making sure Nero isn't being an idiot again, I thought with a mental shrug. Seth swayed theatrically and bumped me, complete with a slow motion "Nooo...!" I reacted with a slow motion, overly dramatic fall and an "Aaah!"

Even before I could touch the stage, Seth caught my arm and pulled me up. Somehow, I managed to fall out of his grasp and land on the side of my face, even though I had been sitting up. Seth laughed again.

"You are absolutely the most adorable klutz I know, you know that?" he said. He then seemed to realize his words.

"Oh. Shiz. Did I say that out loud?" he continued, in almost a whisper. I nodded, blushing profusely.

"Oh." he mumbled, looking incredibly scared for a man -er, boy- of his stature. His phone buzzed. In a movement as fast as a bullet, it was open, then closed again.

"I have to go." he mumbled. "See you tomorrow." He hesitated, then in one fell swoop, he kissed me.

It was the lightest of lip contact-a butterfly kiss- but it sent electricity through my veins. My eyelashes barely had time to flutter before it was over. To be honest, that was how I preferred it: short, light, and full of impact. (Ha. Preferred it? Who was I kidding, that was totally my first kiss!)

"Bye, Codz." he whispered in my ear. In a fluid movement, he was out the door, and I was left sitting on the edge of the stage with my heart going a hundred miles an hour. I giggled, and like any cliche I'd ever heard, touched a finger to my lips. And then, like a tidal wave of realization, I remembered what had just happened.

I remembered the feel of his breath, unusually cool, on my cheek, his fingers on my jaw, his hair on my forehead- Cut it out, Codi. my common sense snapped, apparently wakened from the nap she had been taking during the -wince- kiss. Suddenly, I was blushing. I kissed someone. I kissed someone- Seth, no less! Seth, my best guy friend. Black haired, cobalt eyed Seth. Seth, who could always make me laugh, who understood me in every way, who I never had thought I liked like that. Would I -could I- tell anyone? No, I decided. This was a private thing.

I swung my legs over the edge of the side of the stage and lay flat on my back, staring up at the beams, curtain tracks, and blinding fluorescent lights, trying to make my mind go blank. It would be easier that way. But I couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened, and all the times (oh dear, the improv skit earlier today) something like this had nearly happened. Why hadn't I realized I liked him like that before? Whatever the reason, I knew now. Tomorrow, I would see him at Rose's party, and he would make me laugh again, and this moment would fade, and Seth would just be Seth again- but I would know.

A wandering crew member broke me from my reverie. I hurriedly jumped up and scurried to the corner just at the base of the stairs. I shook my head. I was tired of thinking. I forced my mind to empty and closed my eyes, humming a tune I didn't recognize. My thoughts turned fuzzy, and I became less aware of the theater. My head rolled over to the side. Do you want to know the last two words I thought before I fell asleep right there, at the base of the short staircase, downstage left?

Butterfly kiss.
Last edited by NinjaCookieMonster on Mon May 30, 2011 5:52 pm, edited 6 times in total.
hey, Jude, don't make it bad
take a sad song and make it better
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then you can start
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Hey Ninja Cookie Monster! :D

One thing that I would really like to see in this is a description of Seth! Not necessarily a physical description, mind you, (though you can do that as well) but a description of who he exactly is, character-wise. She's definitely excited about the kiss and I want to see why she's so excited that Seth, in particular, kissed her. So definitely add more and revise! :D

(Also, I agree... butterfly kisses are the best. :))
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That was the most adorable thing! Thanks so much! *tear*
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Hello, I'm Hydey.
*Like* for me! :D This was so cute. I loved how innocent and sweet the kiss was and how you described how the narrator was thinking about it.
“Take one fresh and tender kiss
Add one stolen night of bliss
One girl, one boy, some grief,
some joy Memories are made of this.”
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Hey there Cookie!

This is a really cute story! I love the conflict between what the character felt during the kiss and the fact that she knows the emotions are going to fade.

I feel like this story has a lot to it and you should expand it. There is sooo much going on, so much more than four paragraphs worth. You could spend some time showing us how the two characters interact, maybe right before the kiss, and have the kiss actually happen in the story. That way there is more stuff happening in the story, and not all of it is her thinking. (Even though her thoughts are awesome, if we see the characters in action it'll give you a chance to make them more real to the reader.) Since you scruntched it up into such a short section, it got me lost at some parts. First I was lost when she "woke up" to reality and realized she had kissed him, her best friend. The other part where I got confused was when you said she she rolled over her side and then thought stuff before she fell asleep... I got confused, because first she's in the theater, then she's in bed, at home, trying to fall asleep? It was a really quick shift, and I missed it.

This is more like a suggestion though, not really a nit pick. :)

Also, I think butterfly kisses are when you flutter your eyelashes on someones skin. This is at least what I know of them as - not actual kisses.

Hope this helped!
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That was soooooooo cute. I liked how you described the kiss and how high you seemed to get off of it. The only problem I had with your piece was that it took me a little while to get settled into the atmosphere. It took me longer than I would of liked to settle into the feeling of a theater background. Eventually I got it, and when I did I really enjoyed it. I also totally missed the whole thing about shifting to a bed.
Thats just me though. I think if you were to clear up the perception in this piece it would be even better, but that choice is up to you.

I really liked how my brain wrapped around the dude that kissed the narrator. I think i mistakenly thought the boy was just "acting" when he kissed her and didn't really mean it. It made things more though provoking and made me think if the kiss was real or not. Im not sure if you wanted that type of feel but thats what I got from it.

Other than that, keep writing!
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Hai there!

Completely adorable.

What I don't like about this is the slang you used. It's not typical for a writer to use things like 'slo-mo' in their stories. I kind of know why - it's rather annoying. No offense, but it seems like you're writing this in chat or something, because you use some words that I would only associate with actual conversation.

But don't change it just because I'm all strict and stuff.

I thought this was adorable, as stated above. It was cliche, but made me smile! I was so happy I was like "Aw I've felt like that!" haha. Thanks for recalling that memory.

I think you wrote something here that many people can relate to or hope for. I agree with Snoink that we need a bit more insight to whether Seth is actually a good guy or not. I would like to know and protect Codi if he's not a good person. haha

Keep writing,

Classy




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This is such a cute story! Normally I don't like "romance" stories because some plots are so overused and the characters are all just boring teenagers, but this story wasn't like that at all. The only bad thing I can say about it is it didn't seem like a whole story, it was more like an excerpt from a book, so I didn't get to know a lot about the characters while I was reading.

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