Hey Molly! I'll be your reviewer today! So let's begin. First of all, I have to say that you have some great talent going on. I really like your style and your way of writing. Your wording all throughout your story was excellent, your description was good and your narrator voice was good too. Another thing that I liked was that your MC's narrations, the way she described and how she spoke things gave us a hint of how she is.
Now, some things I noticed. 1. Your sentence structure. You really need to watch out for those because overlong sentences tend to be confusing and that makes the reader lose interest in your story and you don't want that do you?
2. Although your wording was exquisite, really awesome, I still have to tell you that in some parts simple words really do the job. Another things, one word doesn't really tell us much, try describing using all your senses when describing the background or setting.
3. Another thing, the way your character narrates stuff, or tells us stuff, is a way of characterization. Why? Because we get to know your character through that. How? You see, we all have a way of speaking and that characterizes us and makes us different. That's the exact same thing with your characters. So maybe try to give the narration that unique touch of your character's traits and ways of speaking.
4. You had some grammar issues, not much but most of them were in the proper of commas, that is really easy to get over and it just needs some proofreading.
so, that's all I can say Hope I helped Pudin
Les sanglots longs Des violons De l'autonne Blessent mon coeur D'une langueur Monotone. Verlaine
