Get Used to It

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"I wanna try!" a girl yelled merrily. "May I, please?"
"Samantha, are you sure you want to try it?" a guy, who was a little older than the girl, questioned.
She raised her blond eyebrows and gave him a look that said, you're really asking me that?
"I think it's too dangerous. You've never driven a motorcycle before. Actually, you've never driven anything accept a bicycle," the boy explained, worry in his ice blue eyes, the same eyes Sammy always seemed to get lost in.
"Okay, fine, you've got a point," she agreed. After the boy let out a sigh, she continued begging, "but I could learn now."
He stared at her, desperate for her to understand how dangerous her idea was.
"If I do get hurt, then you can say 'I told you so,' okay?" she answered as if she had read his thoughts. She stepping toward the bike as if it called to her.
After a hesitation, the boy sighed heavily and threw his hands up in defeat. "Fine. Please, be careful," he said, worry still clouding his mesmerizing eyes.
"Oh, thank you, Jasper!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around the tall boy. Her head only reached his chest. She was eighteen and she was only 4'10"
He smelled her golden hair as she hugged him tightly. It smelled like strawberry shampoo.
They walked over to the hand-painted bike--well, Sammy skipped to it. She swung her right leg over the seat and sat on the motorcycle. He grabbed her right hand and placed it on a handle, then did the same with his left hand. He told her everything to do--where the brake was, especially. "Finally, do you know where to go?" he questioned.
"Backwards," she joked, grinning up at him as he leaned over her. After he didn't laugh, she said seriously, "straight and turn up there."
Without his permission, she started the motorcycle and slowly moved forward. Then she sped up.
Jasper smiled. Seeing her happy was amazing; she got a huge grin on her face, her gray eyes were bright, and her face beamed with enjoyment.
He suddenly heard her whispering to herself. He looked her way. She was taking the curve too sharply and was off balance.
"Sammy, put on the brakes!" he yelled over the engine of the motorcycle.
He was too late. She swerved and hit the brakes hard. She and the bike hit a massive rock.
Jasper called her name, then ran over to aid his girlfriend. He ran as fast as he could. He bent down and gently turned Sammy over onto her back. Her head had something sticky on it.
Blood.
Though her head was bleeding, she looked up at Jasper feebly and grinned. "That was sweet," the whispered hoarsely. "Sorry I wrecked your bike, Jasp."
"It doesn't matter," he said, gently picking her up and cradling her small body.
She didn't reply. She lay her head against his chest and closed her eyes. She was unconscious.

Sammy woke up to a stinging feeling in her head. She winced as it began to sting more.
"You're awake," Jasper acknowledged quietly. When she didn't reply, he continued apologetically. "I'm sorry I let you ride my motorcycle. I should've never let you--"
He broke off as Sammy pressed her soft, pale lips to his cheek. She grinned, her expression revealing tiredness. Her cheeks were rosy, from what Jasper didn't know.
"What was that for?" he questioned, not able to make eye contact with her.
"What, I'm not allowed to kiss me boyfriend?" she questioned back flirtatiously.
He just barely grinned. He didn't smile often. He was one of those guys you picture in an emo group; black hair, fang piercings, and, when he did show it, killer smile. Ever since he had met Sammy he had started smiling more, however.
"I should be the one apologizing," she said, changing the subject. "Sorry I wrecked your bike."
He shrugged gracefully. "As long as you're okay, it doesn't matter."
"My head stings," she acknowledged flatly after a moment of silence.
Cupping her face with his palms, Jasper whispered, "Don't ever scare me like that again."
She touched her forehead to his, which was covered with uneven black hair, and whispered as softly as possible, "If you're gonna date me, then you better get used to me getting hurt. It happens a lot." She closed her eyes and grinned ever so slightly.
Last edited by leeanna13097 on Fri Dec 11, 2009 6:20 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Okay, so there are a few things I would like to say.
One, this is all dialogue! You can't have a story with all talk and no description. I don't have a feel for you characters at all!
two, Don't you think it's a little impractical him letting his blind girlfriend drive a motorcycle? I don't know, I just thought it was weird.
Your writing, however, is good. The voices you give the characters are separate and all their own. I think you did a good job, I just don't think this is the beginning of a story. And add some description!
~Classy




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Ahhh, you're right!! I kinda put the wrong character in this story.... She isn't supposed to be blind...I must have gotten confused with all my stories. I shall fix that right away! And, yeah, I'm kind of obsessed with dialogue. I'm so used to using only descriptions in my writing class, so I guess I thought I could take a break from so much description.

Thanks for the review!! :D

P.S. This isn't supposed to be the beginning of a story. It's supposed to happen, like, right in the middle of everything.

Edit: Okay, I took some of the dialogue out and put some more description in. It's late and I'm tired so it's probably not perfect, but is it better?
Please forgive me if I over-edit anything of yours.




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Awww, so sweet!

A couple of things...

You say the boyfriend and the girlfriend way too much, I think. I would rather use their real names. :P

Still... one thing sort of surprises me. She's on the motorcycle for the first time ever... why doesn't he make her ride bitch to him? That way, she can have an idea of how to move on the bike without falling over and such. And then, when she gets on, he can ride bitch to her. They can laugh about it... I don't know! It might be kind of sweet, if you handle it right. :)


Also! She's so petite! She's probably not going to be able to ride his motorcycle.

If this is a moped, mind you... you can probably get around these little logical loopholes. However! The helmet! Why doesn't he put his helmet on her? That's standard motorcycle gear right there! And of course, he wants to protect her. So where is this helmet? And mind you... you can totally have a head injury with a helmet. I fell from a horse, with a helmet, and trust me. It was very, very painful, hugely crippling, and I had to have my brother drive me home that day. Having a helmet doesn't mean you're going to not have the injury. It just means that you're more likely not to die from it. :P

Sammy probably isn't going to want to move... like... at all, after that crash. Especially with a head injury! Having gone to the emergency room for two head injuries (long story!), having a head injury is really really painful. Like, your head just aches in a way you never thought was possible. Something she might do instead is grab him and pull him down so she can kiss him though. ;)

LOL, yeah. Just some thoughts! :D
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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I found this decent for a reading.There is no problem whatsoever, except for the conversations in the beginning.
Too bad we don't live to experinece death




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I found a few small grammar mistakes,but, it was good other than that. I think you should have more decription though. And even though her eyes are grey, that doesn't mean she's blind, unless she is :{. I haven't even caught that until it was mentioned. But, if you want to change her eye color, its up to you, even though it doesn't mean she's blind. And if you like, you could keep her grey eyes. I like i other than that.
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