summer romance

Summer Romance!

Every girl dreams about having a summer romance once in their lives as a teenage girl. Well, the summer before going into my freshman year of high school was when i got lucky and had my summer romance that i have been wanting more than having big boobs, a car or going to a great college for nursing. i know that he is only going into eighth grade, which made my friends tell me that i seem desperate, and i told them that they could say all they want about me going out with an eighth grader but its not going to change how i feel about him.

Hi, I kind of recommend you go over this yourself and at least find some of the grammar or spelling mistakes on your own. Capitalize your eyes, that's something you do quite often throughout this short piece. I won't point them out.

Well, the summer before going into my freshman year of high school was when i got lucky and had my summer romance that i have been wanting more than having big boobs, a car or going to a great college for nursing.

After lucky, place a period. It's one sentence, and lose the and had. Then try it out like this: I got that summer romance that I have been wanting more than having big boobs, a car, or going to a great college for nursing. See much better.

Other than that, I'm not sure what this piece is all about. Is it the first part to a novel or something other?

This looks like the start of something, from what I can infer. Just a few details that I feel need to be tweaked...

xmac15x wrote: Every girl dreams about having a summer romance once in their lives as a teenage girl.

This is a bit repetitive. You can eliminate the entire phrase at the end of the sentence, and just leave...

Every girl dreams about having a summer romance once in their lives.

xmac15x wrote:Well, the summer before going into my freshman year of high school was when i got lucky and had my summer romance that i have been wanting more than having big boobs, a car or going to a great college for nursing.

Woah. Run-on sentence. Include a period after lucky. You also need to capitalize your 'I's.

Well, the summer before going in my freshman year of high school was when I got lucky. I had my summer romance that I had been wanting more than having big boobs, a car, or going to a great college for nursing.

xmac15x wrote:i know that he is only going into eighth grade, which made my friends tell me that i seem desperate, and i told them that they could say all they want about me going out with an eighth grader but its not going to change how i feel about him.

Another run-on sentence. You also get a bit repetitive when you mention the word 'tell' more than once so close together. You also alternate between tenses throughout this entire excerpt, which is a bit confusing. Are you talking in the present or the past tense?

I knew that he was only going into the eighth grade, which made my friends believe that I was desperate. I defended myself and told them that they could say whatever they wanted about me. It wasn't going to change how I felt about him.

Is this the beginning of something, or is this where it ends? This excerpt has the opportunity to grow into a short story, or even more than that.

xmac15x wrote:Summer Romance!
I am just going to show you some mistakes. Then I will tell you what I think=]
Every girl dreams about having a summer romance once in their lives as a teenage girl. Well, the summer before going into my freshman year of high school was when i Capitol Igot lucky and had my summer romance that i have been wanting more than having big boobs, a carmaybe put a comma. or going to a great college for nursing. icapitol I know that he is only going into eighth grade, I think you should put a period.which made my friends tell me that i seem desperate,I would put another period here! and i told them that they could say all they want about me going out with an eighth grader put a comma.but its not going to change how i feel about him.

Over all- I really liked it. I think it would be a very good begining. Are you continuing with it? If you are I will be so happy to read it!!!

Please write more! Jessie.

This could be good, but only if you expand it properly. Sure, you've got a good begining paragraph, and you seem to have a great voice from what you gave us, but I want to know how far you can take that, how much you're willing to push yourself. The basis is there. Your theme is there. It's like building a house. You've got your foundation poured, but you can't live on a big piece of stone. You need walls, a roof, insulation, furniture, etc. So overall, this is a good start. Is there more?
-youreit
P.S. Sorry if I was a bit harsh!