Attractions continued

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(OCC:keep in mind that becky is drunk and isnt always like this...so if she seems a little trashy its just the booze.)

Ethan looked up to see Katherine pushing her way through the crowd carrying red prada purse and black silky jacket. She waved to him and mouthed "Im trying." he smiled and nodded. If he hadnt turned in time he wouldnt have been able to stop Becky from buying another drink.
"Um sweetie lets try some coke." he gestured to Mike, "Mike get her a coke and put it on my tab, oh and can you close up for me. Im leaving a little early."
Not asking questions he smiled and got Becky a coke.
"Damn that crowd is thick." Katherine said upon reaching them, she shook her head and asked if he was ready to head out.
"Give us just a few minutes. Becky is still thirsty so im buying her a coke."
Katherine smiled, "Her birthday isnt for another week, but she just insisted in coming. She said drinks wouldnt be half off for her birthday."
"What about you? Do you still drink tequilla on saturday nights with the folks?"
She smiled, "God that was so long ago, you remember that night still?"
He gave her knowing look and said in a sly way, "How can I forget?"
Smileing she said, "Like I said that was a long time ago."
.............................................
It took them at least twenty minutes to finnally get Becky to leave and to get her into the car.
"She's going to be regreating this in the morning?" Katherine said opening the car door to the passenger side.
Ethan shook his head and said, "You know the feeling, all those after parties once football was over, hell I'll never forget that."
He opened his door and got in, she was already buckling her seatbelt when he asked
"So do you still remember us?"
She was quiet a moment before she said, "Yes, I do." thier eyes locked a moment and Ethan resisted the urge to kiss her, instead he started the engine and put the car in drive.
"Just tell me where to go."
"She lives in the western hills apartments. Do you know where that is?"
He nodded and pulled out onto the main road. He could see her out of the corner of his eye, she apperaed to be lost in thought.
"Whatca thinking about?"
Without taking her eyes off the road she answered him, "Just how nice it is to see you again, I really missed you." she looked over at him again.
"I missed you too darlin." he reached for her hand and planted a kiss on the topside off her hand, "Its been too damn long."
..................................................
When they got to Becky's apartment he helped her get her inside and they woke her up so she could lock the door behind them. Walking back to the car she noticed he seemed like he was thinking about something.
"Is something wrong Ethan?"
"Hmm oh no im fine, just a little tired I guess."
She got in and waited for him, "My apartment is two block's down."
He nodded and pulled out, "So how long do you plan on staying in Chicago?"
"As long as my buisness continues to thrive."
"Well lets hope it never has to shut down."
He hoped she wouldnt push him away if he tried to kiss her, he didnt want to just celebrate he wanted her because he still loved her, he had never told her all the time they had been together. He was to stuborn and headstrong, and eventually everyone you love tends to dissaper, like his first wife that had left him once she thought he had ran out of money. Better that he found out sooner or later.
"Its right here." she said pointing to driveway leading up to nice apartment's. He pulled his Mustang in the drive and shut his engine off, "Can I walk you to your apartment?"
"Sure, its on the 4 floor though. So if you dont mind walking you can, the elevator is being worked on right now."
"If you can do it I can. Just lead on."
..............................................
"Well this is it." she said stopping in front of a door with 4D on it, she took out her key's and was about to put it in the lock when Ethan's hand stopped it.
"What's wrong?"
Without warning his lips were crushing her's and his hand's were threaded through her hair." She almost dropped her key's but somehow Ethan got them from her and unlocked the door, they almost fell as the door came open. "Oh god." she thought it did feel just like the old day's except this time she wasnt 17 anymore, she was a women and was fully aware of her raging desires that were screaming for release. He pulled away long enough to nuzzle her through the thin fabric of her dress, her nipples immedatally became erect and felt like they were on fire. She grabbed his shoulders to steady herself, the whole time thinking, You've got to stop this now yet another part was saying no this is completally normal just let it happen. His hand begin to trace the inside of her thigh and she sucked in breath and pushed her panties aside and began to caress the center of her desires, she was dewy with need and couldnt stop the moan that escaped her throat. Ethan picked her up and carried her to her bedroom he had no trouble finding. They fell onto the bed in a tangle of legs and arms and lips, he sat up and removed his shirt. She had always admired his body, he was tan and muscled in all the right places with a thin trail of dark hair dissapering above his pants. She raised up and began to kiss his chest and thin placed a kiss on one nipple, he groaned and said.
"If you want me to make it to the end darling you'll stop that." not listening she continued intill he forced her back to the bed and took a nipple between his teeth while his hand began to remove her panties, she raised so they would come off more quickly. His teeth left her nipple and his tongue begin to trace to her navel and came to rest just above her clit, his eyes not leaving hers he took her in his mouth. Her body shattered and she lifted her hips off the bed so he could gain better ecess. She soon lost herself as he began to seperate and lick, he then stuck on finger inside her and then soon after another followed. That was all it took, her release came washing over and over her. He than reached into his pocket and removed a foil package that she knew what it was, removing his pants she watched as rolled the tip of the condom onto his protruding erection. Once he finshed that he levered himself on her and she could feel the tip of penis brush against her clit and then enter her. He rode her so fast and so passionally that in no time he felt her quicken around him and she shattered, soon after he followed.
Pulling her into his arms they fell asleep.

Thats all I have time for
see others how you want to be seen




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Now that I look at this, there are alot of runons and gramatical errors, Ill try to rewrite it and than continue.
see others how you want to be seen




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Hey AngelBaby88,

This is really good. Just a few grammatical errors and such.

he smiled and nodded.


Capitalize the "H" in he.

If he hadnt turned in time he wouldnt have been able to stop Becky from buying another drink.


"Hadnt" should have a apostrophe after "n". For a contraction.

"Mike get her a coke and put it on my tab, oh and can you close up for me. Im leaving a little early."


When you say "oh and" it either needs to be a new sentence, or "and oh", or take out the "oh".

Becky is still thirsty so im buying her a coke."


If someone is thirst Coke or any soda will make them more thirsty. So put in like water, or fruit punch, or anything other than a soda or alcoholic beverage. Also, "im" needs to be changed to either "I am" or "I'm".

There are many other errors that need to be corrected ,but it would be the length of your story by the time I finished. That and I think that an author should be able to weed out most of the mistakes on your own.

Aside from that this is good. PM me when you have more.
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This is very good. The description really hooked me to the story. The way you wrote made it sound beautiful. The ending is the most powerful part of the story, so that's where I'm going to focus most. I love the way its descriptive so you can get a feel of everything the characters are doing besides just implying the characters are sleeping together or something like that. Does that make sense? I like you should maybe describe more of what HE'S feeling and doing. I read a lot of what she's feeling and doing. Also, make her be more into the moment. He's the one doing most of the scene so I would maybe make her do more so she's more in to it if you know what I mean.
This is REALLY good! I really, really, REALLY want to read more, so PLEASE PM me when you add more! Thanks!

Sparkle



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