Young Writers Society

Rated PG13 because of language and insinuated sex. If you don't like harsh language please don't read this. I did a little editing, to explain the sarcastic reaction to the whole thing. I didn't realize it came off that confusing. I hope this helps.

Chapter One

I walked into school that day not knowing why everyone was staring at me. I mean honestly, my underwear wasn’t sticking out, I was pretty sure there was nothing on my face, and I had never held the spot light in the past. So it was fairly shocking to get stared at like I was an extra terrestrial. Normally people didn’t pay attention to me, with my mouse brown hair and glasses; I was never much to see.

That was my goal throughout high school anyways; fly under the radar. Most of my friends had graduated or dropped out, and I just wanted to make it through without killing anyone.

I glanced around the hallway looking for someone I knew, thinking maybe I could figure out what was going on. I found Baylee leaning against her locker grinning at me. I gave her a confused look and continued forward, hearing whispers from the other students as I went.

“Hey, so what’s going on?” I asked, glaring at a few kids that started to snicker.

Baylee laughed and threw her arm around me. “Well Scarlett, you know how you and Becker got back together this weekend?” She asked pointedly. “Which by the way, you never called to tell me…”

“I’m sorry.” I said sheepishly.

Baylee smiled again, her ruby red lips shining in the much too bright florescent lighting of the school. “It’s cool, I’m sure you were… preoccupied. Anyways, Pru told everyone he only took you back because you’re pregnant.”

I had to laugh, living in a small town I was used to rumors going around. Never about me, but you get used to hearing things that weren’t true. Just for my own humor I placed my hand on my lower belly and rubbed lightly. “Yeah what can I say? I’m easy. Hell, we’re not even sure it’s his.”

Baylee snorted. “Like hell. And I wasn’t finished yet. Apparently you’re only pregnant because you seduced him while he was drunk, and now he’s stuck with you.”

“Wow, I am damn persistent when I want something. So little Prudence came up with this whole story all one her own?” I asked, trying to make light of a situation that actually kind of bothered me. That's just the way I was, when I was hurt by something, stand by for sarcasm. I knew why Pru had made it up; it wasn't that hard to figure out. When someone hates you, generally you can tell. Why does she hate me you ask? Because I had Becker, and she never stood a chance. Classic teenage jealousy. Pathetic, if you ask me.

Deep down I knew the rumors would slow within a few days, and after a few months when I still wasn't gaining any baby bumps, they would die all together. Still the thought that people actually believed something as insane as that bothered me. Small towns worked different than other places though. If you were pregnant in a small town, news got around. Suddenly I went from nonexistant to total whore. That's just what my senior year needed.

“I guess so. So back to more important things, when did you guys get back together? I didn’t even know he was back in the states.”

“He just got back Friday, that’s when we got back together.” I felt my cheeks heat up at the memory. Three days had passed since then, and we hadn’t spent a moment apart until this morning. Damn school.

“How was Mexico? And wait how did Pru know he was back?”

“She saw his car and called him. Mexico was good; he was worried about me while he was there. He thought Reid was going to come after me.”

Baylee shuddered. “That’s a thought.”

We were both silent for a while. Becker had been gone from my life for months, all because of Reid. With Landen dead things had all gone to hell pretty quickly. I guess I could have blamed Landen for everything that had happened, but that seemed to cruel now that he was gone. Instead I blamed Reid; it was his fault Landen was dead. He had pulled the trigger after all. Part of me knew that he had dug his own grave, getting himself in way to deep, but I still felt sorry for him.

I cut myself off mid thought, not wanting to remember the kid's smile. I couldn’t cry for him again, he was gone, end of story.

“So, anyways, Friday was a pretty amazing night.” I said, trying to change the subject.

“I would think so. What brought him back anyways?” She asked, trying but failing to sound bored.

“What do you think?” I smirked.

“Tell me everything!”

“Ahh, and the gossip queen finally surfaces.” I said with a snort. Her excitement for my situation making me forget that the whole school now thought I was a slut.

“Come on, Scar!”

I grinned and launched into the story from three days ago.

I was sitting on my bed, not thinking anything particularly interesting, when my phone rang. I expected it to be Baylee or one of the boys, what I didn’t expect is what I got. My phone blinked up at me, displaying Becker’s number for me. I tried telling myself not to panic as I answered, but my voice was tight in my throat.

“Hello?” I managed to squeak out.

“Scarlett?” His deep voice read through the phone line. I had to suppress a shiver.

“Becker, is that really you?” I asked, my throat constricting, causing my voice to crack.

“Yeah, baby, it’s me.” He sounded different. Older maybe, or possibly his voice got deeper. Maybe it was just that I had missed him so much that he sounded different to me.

“Are—are you back?” I dared to ask.

“Yeah, I’m in the trailer, what are you doing right now?” He asked.

“Walking to the trailer.” I answered. I hadn’t been to the trailer since he’d left. I had a key and sometimes I wished I had it in me to go back. The thought of facing that place when he was gone made me want to vomit though.

I heard him laugh on the other line. “Hurry, I’ve missed you.”

I grinned, my heart racing in my chest. “I’ve missed you too. I’ll be there soon.”

I didn’t walk to the trailer that night, I ran. Normally it took me anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes to get there. That night I got there in 15. I had waited long enough to see him, and that extra few minutes was killing me.

I reached the door panting, and when I pulled it open I found him sitting in his usual spot, smirking up at me like nothing had happened. The smell hit me first, that too familiar aroma of old beer and cigarettes. I had missed it more than I knew.

Before I knew what was happening I was in his arms and his lips were on mine. “You were gone for so long.” I breathed out between our kisses.

“I know, love, I’m sorry. I’m back now. I’m not going any where.”

He crushed his lips to mine once more, in a fevered attempt to be closer to me. I felt tears sting my eyes and I tangled my fingers through his hair. I felt his tongue touch mine, and a bit of metal rubbed against my lip. I pulled away slightly. “You got your lip pierced.” I stated.

“Yeah, do you like it?” He asked me.

I grinned through my tears. “I love it.”

His eyes grew far too serious. “I love you.”

I threw myself into his arms and kissed him over and over again, trying to convince myself he was really there. He was real. He pulled me back onto the bed and drew me close to him, brushing my hair out of my face and pressing his lips to my cheeks and forehead.

“I love you.” I told him quietly as I snuggled into him and relished in the feeling of his arms around me once more.

“Go to sleep, we’ll talk in the morning.” He told me with one last kiss to my lips.

Sleep I did, better than I had in months.



When I finished talking I knew there must have been a goofy smile plastered to my face.

Baylee smiled. “Yeah, I’m sure all you did was sleep.”

“The first night.” I told her with a haughty smirk.

The first bell rang, disrupting our conversation. “You will have to finish telling me about it later.” Baylee pulled me into a hug and slapped a sloppy wet kiss on my cheek.

I laughed at her and wiped the saliva off my cheek. “You’re gross.”

“I just had to add to the rumors.”

With that, she turned and sauntered down the hall, her black mini skirt riding up almost a little too far. Catching the eyes of poor unsuspecting freshmen boys.

I giggled again and headed off to my first period class. ‘Four more months left of this hell hole.’ I promised myself. ‘Then you’re done.’

Ok, I have a few complaints...

Apparently, so back to more important

I think that between "apparently" and the rest of the sentence, there should be more of a pause that just a comma. It seems like you're rushing to get it all down, and Baylee is rushing to say it.

How was Mexico? And wait how did Pru know he was back?”

There should be some commas thrown in to break the "and wait how did" part up.

Becker had been gone from my life for months, all because of Reid. With Landen dead things had all gone to hell pretty quickly

Whoa, jeeze, rushed much? I'm struggling to keep up with who Becker is, now you've thrown Ried and Landen into the mix. High school gossip is more simple than a story, and to combine the two must be done with care, or you'll stress the reader out.


This whole piece is rushed and hard to follow. May I suggest starting at a point where you can slowly bring all the characters in, rather than dropping their names like stink bombs through the paragraphs.

Sorry if things seemed a bit rushed. I kind of wanted the first chapter to confuse you a little, that way I can have everything fit together slowly. I don't want you to know why Landen died, what Becker has to do with it, or why Reid might want something to do with Scarlette. That was kind of my point... but if you think I should put more details in then I will.

Geep, the first chapter was very confusing, so if that was your intention, then you did perfectly.

1) About Scarlett, you say this:

That was my goal throughout high school anyways; fly under the radar. Most of my friends had graduated or dropped out, and I just wanted to make it through without killing anyone.

Yet, she doesn't seem to be doing this at all. The first scene, she is confronted and, instead of hiding or trying to get away, like this statement prepares us for, she starts talking like a social butterfly. So either she has changed dramatically (if so, we didn't know) or she is lying to us in the beginning of her intentions. Either way, this really confuses the reader.

2) Okay, so Landen is dead. So why are they making snarky comments to each other about how pregnant she is?

And that's the other thing that bugs me. This is making teenage pregnancy look like a farce, which might be okay, but it's too overly dramatic to seem like a farce. I mean, you sort of describe other people looking strangely at her towards the beginning, but then the scenery disappears entirely when she gets into the snarky dialogue with Baylee and the lack of comfort never comes back. For someone who wants to live under the radar, she is certainly not doing a good job since she seems not to mind the attention. I mean, I would expect her almost to writhe underneath all those eyes, if she actually were just trying to get away. But... I've said that.

It's just... this seems so unrealistic that it's very hard seeing the dialogue as real, let alone the characters are real. It seems much too forced. Speaking of forced...

3) You have this italicized part that is set up to be dialogue, except it is much too gratuitous to be realistic... at all. Instead, it seems like the author thinks, "Yay, I want to write a love scene!" So it doesn't seem to be connected to the story at all, which means it's detached and weird...

I'm ranting.

This story is incredibly confusing. Don't worry about "hooking" us in, worry about setting up your story in a logical manner so you can be able to continue it without tripping over your feet.

Im not an expert but its a well written i have to say nice job..................

Hey, thanks for the PM! I've been taking a vacation from this site for awhile, so I'm still trying to find my sea legs again, so to speak.

A very nice first chapter, giving enough information to peak the reader's interest without blurting out the plot of the entire book at once. I liked how you hinted at a darker plot to come by the frequent references to death, and the whole thing with Landen and Reid.

One thing I would say is that you're speaking in a very narrative style the whole way, but not speaking directly to the reader. Then, in this one spot, you suddenly change tactics:

Why does she hate me you ask? Because I had Becker, and she never stood a chance. Classic teenage jealousy. Pathetic, if you ask me.

This little paragraph is a little to colloquial and cutesy. First of all, the reader isn't 'asking' anything, so don't act like we are. And then again "if you ask me." We're NOT asking you, we're waiting for you to tell us! It's not interactive. However, even that style wouldn't be so bad if you stuck to it.
Anyway, I'm beating a dead horse here. The point is, choose a style and stick with it.

I didn't catch any spelling errors or major grammatical stuff, which is rare. A very good beginning.

Au revoir! ~Mademoiselle Kool

Not bad. I like it. Now I'm going to read the other part. You played on little towns right. But it kinda seems hard for her to run that far in such a short amount of time. It might be possible. I don't know.